I am scared

[renaissancewoman101]

Right now, I am kind of scared. I am currently in Los Angeles, helping my best friend settle into his new job. I flew out here on Sat night. My best friend's bf left on Sunday so I have spent some time with my best friend. I am staying out here until Sat. I am staying with my best friend in a hotel. I take him to work and then go around by myself for the day until he gets off work. It is like old times sake, before my best friend met his bf. It is bringing back old memories and making me miss my best friend a lot. I have not spend that much time with my best friend since he had his bf move in with him. It has been years since I spent time with my best friend w/o his bf being around. I am very scared right now because I am starting to get attached to my best friend again. I miss him a lot and I havent been around him a lot w/o his bf. This few days has been great so far. We share a bed and spend time with each other after he gets off of work. His bf calls him a lot and they argue, but things are great. My best friend really missed me a lot and is happy to spend time with me.

 

I am scared because on Sat I leave to go back home. My best friend's bf is flying out for a few days. I am going to miss my best friend a lot because he is staying out here and I am going back to a place where my best friend will not be at. I am getting attached to him again and it scares me to go back to a place that I will be alone again.

 

I wish my bf had not broken up with me.

 

I worry about what is going to happen.

 

How do I learn to cope with this?

[Becks23]

I've felt like this a couple of times when my best friends have moved on and got themselves boyfriend's.. Everyone is different and if your best friend wants to spend time with you as much as you do him, then arrange to meet up every other month and do things together like before.. Explain to your friend that you miss their company and miss doing things together.. My best friend has been with her husband for nearly 4 years.. We have known each other for 17 years so when she married and started a family, I felt left out and not needed anymore.. Didn't see her and she did move away.. Lucky for me they move back home and I see her and the kids once a week.. It's not the same as spending time together when we was kids but we catch up and have a good old natter.. You'll meet someone and you'll wanna be spending more quality time building your relationship.. Friends will understand.. Friends are forever, but partners come and go!

 

Chin up chick xx

[PocoDiablo]

Well, I would have to assume you have not recognized WHY he broke up with you. No matter what he said, you need to think about your actions here. I can tell that you are sad. How does being sad affect who you are as a person? Are you down when you are with him because you worry about the future? Does that make you fun to be around? Probably not. Now that you are thinking you are "losing" him, I would bet you are acting needy and desperate like a child who thinks he is losing his mother. If this is at ALL the case (I really don't know, I am taking a big guess here!) then you need to recognize that acting desperate is a BIG turn off for just about everyone.

 

Are you gushing on about your "feelings" and "emotions" with him? That's a killer right there. You need to save stuff like that for therapy, OTHER friends (hello, forums, here we are!), or family. When you are with your friend you should focus on having fun.

 

You know, if you are stuck alone in a hotel room all day see if you can go rent the movie "Bedazzled" with Brendan Frasier and Elizabeth Hurley. Watch the movie and very carefully analyze his ACTIONS. What he does around other folks. Then think about it and see if it relates to you in any way. There are some really good bits of wisdom in there.

 

Remember, adults want to hang out with other adults. Be an adult, get yourself together, and have fun. If you are fun, have self-control (no crying!) you'll be more atractive to others

[renaissancewoman101]

PocoDiablo, I am having fun with my best friend. There is a lot of stuff behind this whole situation (if you read about my posts on "Getting Back Together" or on "Breaking Up"). My best friend is gay. I dated him many years ago but then about three years into our relationship, he came out and told me that he was gay and then he went and found himself a bf, but he kept me in his life. His bf never liked me being in their lives but my best friend was adamant about keeping me around. Consequently, all three of us would travel together and do things together. Finally, I went and decided to find myself a bf. Dated my bf for about two years until this Sept when he broke up with me due to my attachment issues with my best friend (the gay guy). In the midst of my breakup with my current bf (which was extremely painful for me), my best friend gets a job offer in the LA area, so he moves out there.

 

My best friend and his bf drove out to LA from Wisconsin last week and my best friend's bf left on Sunday because he had to go back to work (he had no more vacation time left). I flew out here on Sat. and met up with my best friend on Sunday to help him get ready for his job on Monday and to be there for him while he settled into living in LA (he has been out to LA numerous times for vacation but never worked out here. He is having a tough time adapting to life out here because he misses the three most important people in his life, his bf, me, and his mom). He is very attached to the three of us.

 

It is hard on me because now I get to spend a whole week with my best friend w/o his bf hovering around. His bf never let me go on a trip with my best friend just the both of us. My best friend and I used to travel a lot together before my best friend found his bf. It was a great time and I miss those days A LOT. It is weird to be able to spend so much time with my best friend. It makes me sad and want the old days back. It is also going to be very hard on me because I have to leave on Sat and go back to a place where my best friend WILL NOT be and where he has always been. I have never lived out there w/o my best friend being around.

 

Compounding this whole problem is the fact that I went through a very painful breakup with my current bf, just only two months ago. I had been dating this guy for two years and he broke up with me due to the fact that: 1) I am too attached to my best friend (the gay guy); 2) we are incompatible in some ways. I do miss my ex a lot and wish we were back together. In the beginning, right after we broke up, I didnt think I would miss my ex a lot since I do have some feelings for my best friend. I was hoping that after coming out to CA with my best friend, helping him settle down, etc., I would like being around my best friend so much that I would move out here rather quickly.

 

The weird thing is that that hasnt really happened. I love my best friend very much and I want to be around him, but it isnt the same as it used to be (before I found a bf, and when we used to travel together). I still love my best friend very much and enjoy being around him, but it isnt the same as it used to be. I miss my ex a lot and wished that we hadnt broken up. Weird thing is, I miss my ex a bit more than I am happy being around my best friend. I feel like my hopes of everything being great after moving back out here has been dashed because although I still love my best friend and care about him deeply, I DONT want to move out here, and I want to find my own bf on my own.

 

I am so weird.

[renaissancewoman101]

Right now, I am very sad. Today I have to say good-bye to my best friend. His bf is coming in to visit tonight so I have to leave them. I am probably going to fly home either tomorrow or Sunday and now my best friend will not be out where I live. He will be here. No more calling him in the mornings (as I used to the last few years), no more driving him to and from work, no more hanging out on the weekends (when his bf allowed). I am so sad about all of this. My best friend says I can stay till next week if I want because the bf is going home on Sunday afternoon (I can hang with my parents till Sunday), but I am running out of vacation time, so that is not a real possibility. I am not sure what I want to do. I am so scared of saying good-bye to my best friend. It is so hard to leave him and to leave here. Today, we are going to look at apartments for me to live in, in case I do decide to move back out here. I dont care about my job out there. I want to be out here with my best friend.

 

I think I am going off the deep end about everything.