Ex's birthday today......emotions are rushing in again.HELP!

[pocky_biscuz]

My ex dumped me 3 months ago. But it seems just yesterday when all the crap happens. For the ending was not a happy one. We ended on such a bad terms that whenever i tried to contact him he would get more mad at me. I've been doing NC for 4weeks now.....really proud of myself. But whenever i have some form of relations with me (ie. mutual friend's b-day....i didn't go to the dinner because knowing he's going to be there). Today is his birthday...i have the sudden urge to email him and say hi. But i know i shouldn't....or god knows what crazy idea he might come up next. Last time i emailed him about Thanksgiving he freaked out and thought i was still really hung up on him and wanted to put a restraining order on me. But then memories of the past two birthdays that i spent with him keeps flowing back. Doesn't he have any feelings? Would he feel sad and lonely during this time too? No one celebrated his birthday!!! I just really don't like the fact that we're not talking anymore. That's the sad part.

[Bethany]

I personally wouldn't do anything. You are doing well with NC so don't fall into the trap of going back for more. He may have a new GF and then where would that leave you? Exactly where you were 3 months ago.

Think of him by all means but don't follow through with action.

If he wanted to get in touch with you, he would.

[annie24]

I agree with Bethany. He sounds like he doesn't want to talk to you, especially since he said "restraining order" the last time you wrote.

 

Think of him by all means but don't follow through with action.

 

But, I don't fully agree with this - I think you should try to stop thinking about him. It will help on your path to healing.

 

Don't worry - just don't contact him. I'm sure that someone is taking care of him on his birthday, so don't feel bad for him.

 

Take care of yourself now!

[Bethany]

I wrote that because sometimes you can 'fight' the thoughts your having by trying too hard NOT to think about them etc and accordingly they only get worse, so you fight even harder and a vicious circle of fighting and thinking can make you worse.

If you 'allow' yourself to think of them and continue to carry on with your day as you think about him, it doesnt seem such a bad thing and the moment will pass, and so will his birthday.

[pocky_biscuz]

It's so hard. I went crazy....went online and see our old pictures. It's so painful. Just back then we were so happy....at that moment and NOW it's gone. It's like being dumped all over again. I cried today. Haven't cry for almost a month now.....and i finally let it out. i guess i needed that. Sometimes i think about what he thinks on his birthday.....like will he miss me? We spent the last two birthdays together............i just feel plain miserable.

[heartbroken84]

I am battling with the same kind of thing. What we need to do is figure a way to get rid of these picstures and just stop reminiscing. Some men can miss things but not want to go back to them too. I know my ex misses me, because we were happy at one point. But times have changed, its real sad. But we have to keep ourselves happy. I am trying to let go...it's tough, but how much more can we take? I guess we are in charge of how much we suffer...I don't know.

[Paperstreet]

This is the hardest thing to go through. I am currently in the same situation with my ex-girlfriend. Do not contact him. He is probably really sensitive to what you do or say. He is really hurt by what happened between the two of you and wants to move on. So let him. I know that you have an overwhelming desire to communicate with him. But even if you do get him to agree to talk, I bet it wouldn't stay civil for long. I think if you don't want to feel like crap for weeks, don't call.

[sweetsmile]

I am in the same position as well. HE broke up with me on bad terms as well, so he has been upset and angry with me for at least 6 months before he finally broke up for good 4 weeks ago. Well, he doesnt want to talk to me either and it hurts. He also had his birthday a week after the breakup and I sent him a birthday-card by email, but he didn't respond. I met him twice on the street but he didn't even say hi. It's so horrible. I feel the same way as you do. It's sad when I think about all the good memories and when I look at the pictures from when we were in love not so long ago. I think he still loves me, but he is so mad at me and doesn't want any contact to heal and to move forward, and that's what I think your ex is doing too.

[pocky_biscuz]

It's amazing how people's emotion can change so quickly. At last i overcame it. Passed that birthday mark. I also found out that he's interested in someone else already. How could they move on so quickly like that? When little over 3 months ago we were still deeply in love? Sometimes i really don't understand what love is. The emotion of love.......it's too frustrating for me. I don't want him back. The feelings are different now. All i have for him are the memories. But thinking he's already moved on ....still hurts.

[eimono]

It's amazing how people's emotion can change so quickly.

 

Very often what happens is that the other person has moved on and convinced theirselves in their mind that breaking up was the right thing to do long before the actually did it.

 

But of course, they don't tell the other person until that day. It very sad, I think often if things were talked about more openly it would be better for both sides. But instead, they come up with all these reasons to break up and sometimes it's just wrong. But hey, you can't control another person. If that's what they do then you just have to accept it.

 

So really, nothing changes quickly, it changed over time and you just didn't see it happening and/or he hid it from you.

 

All i have for him are the memories. But thinking he's already moved on ....still hurts.

 

It does hurt, and nothing people say is really going to make it better.

 

I just broke up this weekend, and I'm trying so hard to do NC right now. I can't help but remember all the good times and that just makes me want to ignore the bad. But this is where I think the problem is. We often want to expect the best out of others. We want to think they will change for the better and we ignore bad times. We try and focus on the good and then the bad is not so bad anymore. Then you start to question why you don't give it another chance.

 

So I say, remember the good, but remember the bad just as much. Accept that while you had good times, there were problems and bad times.

[Zerohero]

Don't contact your ex or wish your ex happy B day.

[heyguys]

Ok. I think the fact that you had a restraining order is a clear sign to stay away from him. do not text him or call him or email him or anything of that nature. it may seem innocent, just dont do it. although he is doing all this. you are really the one hurting yourself. the more you push and push the more he is gonna want to run the opposite direction. you need to ignore him, give him space and not even tink about him. right now you may seem like a wreck, and thats very unnatractive to anyone, including your ex or a potentional new BF!! You need to work on yourself, get your nails done, go shopping, go out with the girls.....and forget about boys, all boys. THEN your ex will want you back! YEs!!!! But you know what, at that point, you will have forgotten why you wanted and cried over him in the first place. New eyes will be looking at you and youll be better in no time. I can say this with confidence because its happened to me. my ex still wants me back even after almost a year of our break up. he left me went out with other girls, the whole show!! now im soooooo much better off with out him, in a stable relationship...loving life. think of YOU, and it will all fall into place! best of luck!!