Been 5 months NC.....is it safe to contact?

[PlayBrat]

Not sure if many remember me. I originally posted back in May or June. Have been broken up from my ex since then. It took a while but I finally let him go. So it's been over 5 months since I have contacted him...

I am awesome....

 

I am just wondering what you all think of me emailing him...to just say hi. I am thinking of doing this with a legitimate excuse...ie, the holidays. Either Thanksgiving or Christmas. I haven't decided.

 

I have no expectations...and I am pretty much prepared for whatever happens.

 

Is five months long enough? Do you all think he will have forgotten the reason we stopped talking, and be open to me?

 

I have thought of contacting him many many times..but have never acted on it. No real reason to.

 

I guess I have just been thinking of him a lot lately....and just curious to how he is...

 

Advice? Thanks!

[Beec]

It's really all a question of how you are going to act and react. If you can see him, be friendly and not react, not matter what he tells you. If you could have control emotionally even if he told you something like he was engaged, then it's OK.

 

And really have no expectations, and if things go badly, don't let that set you back.

[chai714]

Beec had some good advice (what's new). Having no or low expectations is a must. You seem to have your emotions under control. So long as you can control them while you're talking with him (either in person, or not), then it's fine to see him.

 

Don't think you have to have an excuse to call him. You can call him just to say, "hi." I used to have an old ex who would make up the most outrageous reasons to call me. I would have much rather enjoyed talking to her if she flat out called me "just to say hi." I remember one time, she asked me if a fish was considered a reptile? A few calls like that and it gets annoying. So, don't make up a far out excuse just to talk to him.

 

And, as usual, keep in mind that if you do want him back, it's all about how you make him feel. Good luck in whatever decision you make.

[Relationship Coach]

PlayBrat,

I'm not familiar with your history with your x. You say, "It took a while but I finally let him go". Are you saying you broke it off with him or he broke up with you and you are letting go of him? There are two different paths on this based on circumstances. Fill me in and I will certainly offer my thoughts.

[PlayBrat]

LOL Chai....the fish story is funny...

I wasn't going to make up an excuse to talk to him....but the holidays

are a starting point I guess.

 

I just hope things go well.. (crossing my fingers).

 

Thanks so much

[PlayBrat]

RC...

 

He ended it with me...because of "bad timing". I didn't want the break up..but I stuck to NC.

Thanks

[babycristy456]

I personally think that since you've "been thinking about him alot lately" it will not be a good idea. But that's just what I think, only because it usually tends to being feelings back (no matter if its been 5 month) and lead to more temptations about contacting him later on.

 

However, I am not totally against it if you are sure that your emotions will not be stirred if you contact him. I like your idea of an email. It is probably better than calling. So that should be harmless unless you will get feelings back.

[Hope75]

I am also curious if in the back of your mind you are still hoping there's a chance for a reconciliation?

[PlayBrat]

I don't have hope for a reconciliation...I am too leery of him dumping me again. I won't put myself in that position again.

 

I haven't made a decision yet...I'm holding off. I appreciate the input though...and if I decide to make contact I'll let you all know the outcome Thanks so much.

[Relationship Coach]

PlayBrat,

 

What you should really consider is can you trust this person with your heart again? Will you be looking for hints of another dumping if you were to reconcile? I think you have done yourself a huge favor by holding off for 5 months as far as contact goes, hold on a little longer and make sure it's just not a craving. Sometimes we love to eat everything in sight but remember the stomach ache that follows close behind. I guess what I asking you is think hard if the pleasure is really worth the potential pain. He may be 100% over you and moved on. Do you want to run the risk of rejection even at the friendship level? It's easy to miss someone and hard to find out that you are not. If you do call him, make any excuses for the call, call because you just want to say hi and let him know that you were thinking about him. Just be careful and don't try to read too much in to his reaction. Good luck!

[PlayBrat]

Thank you RC.....that was my intention. To not read too much into anything IF I do contact him. I am NOT going to allow him the chance to hurt me again in that way.....believe me. The price is simply to much for me. Besides....I have myself a little Hottie I am talking to anyway...and IF the subject comes up...Mr Ex will know about it. lol

[CATLOVER]

Ummm sometimes making contact again and talking like friends can give closure to the whole love shock experience (getting throught the grief etc) and sometimes can start an honest friendship BUT you have to be so over it and have no hidden agendas and good boundaries and as mentioned above also have no expectations on how the contact will go. If you are fine with the fact he may not want any contact at all and also fine wiht the fact he may go...Oh hi, yeh I met the love of my life and getting married next week......then it will be ok, but if you know it will affect you......leave it for now. Only you know inside BUT be honest with yourself also

 

P.S Wow isnt it amazing how wise and easy it is to give others advice and then when your in something cant do exactly what you advise other people. They say people teach best what they need to learn themsleves ......just a thought

[PlayBrat]

Yes CatLover..it is SO easy to give the advice we refuse to take ourselves! Why is that??

 

At any rate, I AM taking everyones advice into consideration. The consensus seems to be if I feel strong enough to handle whatever happens..no matter WHAT..then it's safe to contact him.....pretty sound advice to me