Is this a bad idea, being friends with a friend of the ex bf

[renaissancewoman101]

A few days ago I decided to call one of my ex's friends. She is a youth counselor who is also friends with my ex. Her son (he is 16) is a close friend of my ex. I was originally just planning to call her and talk to her a bit about my ex since she is friends with him and she is on friendly terms with me. She was happy to hear from me (she still considers me a friend) and we talked a bit about my ex and about how his mom has made his life hell because of her ultra-controlling behaviors and her constant criticsm of him and what he does. She constantly belittles and tears into everything he does, whether it be wrong or right. The friend does know that the ex broke up with me. She told me about how much of a child he is and how sometimes he reacts to things as a child does, not an adult.

 

We then talked about guinea pigs and how I have been helping out with a guinea pig rescue these past few weeks as a way of getting out of the house and forgetting about the ex. She tells me that she wants to adopt some guinea pigs so I hook her up with the lady in charge of the rescue.

 

To make a long story short tomorrow I am taking the day off of work and I am going to pick her and her son up and taking them two hours north of me to meet the lady and choose some guinea pigs. I called my ex's friend tonight and we talked for a bit. She is excited about getting the guinea pigs. She told me she has been sad since the hedgehogs died. She has muscular dystrophy and is homebound and she likes to have little animals around to care for. We talked about driving up tomorrow, having a good time, and picking out guinea pigs. We then talked about my ex a bit. Turns out, she did tell him that she was coming with me to go and pick up some guinea pigs. She told him last weekend at a Halloween party. He told her that he wishes he could adopt some pigs. She also told me that at first he was afraid I was up to something, but when she talked to him when he was alone later, he told her that he still wanted me around as a friend but that he didnt know what to do with me anymore. He still has feelings for me, according to her. She thinks that something can be salvaged from this. She says eventually he will see me again, esp if I hang out with her since he does come over to their place on occasion to see her son, and since I am her friend, he shouldnt have any objections. I dont know. She told me that he has not had a lot of good, quality, long term relationships and that he doesnt know how to deal with them. Most of the women he has dated have not been that great or that together and have dumped him. She also said he is too much of a child and that he can be hard to handle or deal with at times, for even her. She also told me that his drinking has gotten worse, which isnt good. She said he has always been a child becuase his mom has a vested interest in keeping him like a child. She says he doesnt know how to deal with problems and when difficutlties come up in a relationship he runs from it, like a kid. She and I both deal with problems the same way, by hiding and shutting off to others when things are too overwhelming. That is how I deal. I shut people out when things get too bad. That is a big part of why he left me, because I shut him out of my life.

 

Do you guys think I am wrong to be friends with this lady??? I think she is a nice person and I am trying to help her with the guinea pigs and also maybe help her with other stuff in terms of her muscular dystrophy. I did tell her that I liked her as a person and that I am not trying to be friends with her to get back together with the ex. She said she knows because if I had ulterior motives like that, she would have sniffed it out and confronted me about it right away.

[Lonelyinasmalltown]

Part of the reason I dread breakups is because in the end, the friends you made with your significant other's friends are usually let go. It's a shame and it shouldn't happen, but it does.

 

This lady seems really nice and your ex, although he still has feelings for you, doesn't want you back in his life in a romantic way. I think you should be friends with this woman. Why deny yourself a nice friend over what happened between your ex and yourself. It certainly wasn't her fault you broke up.

[Jonboy582]

Ok im short for time so I didnot read it all and I get the general gist I think. Its ok to be friends with ya exs mate. Me my ex and a joint best friend all know each other very closely and its fine. Only problem is perhaps if you and the friend started dating. If that happens then you may be on dodgy ground, but just ask the two how they feel and so on.

 

Sorry if I completely missed the point but I only got 5 min on net so did not read it much .

[renaissancewoman101]

I am not sure what I am trying to do. One thing I am trying to do is to expand my horizons and make new friends. I also want to try and get my ex back if there is any possibility of that happening. My best friend and his bf are moving away from here today. After they leave, I will not have any friends left out here. When I was in a relationship, I had met a lot of people through my ex and I wanted to be friends with some of these people. After my ex broke up with me, I felt so alone since I dont have many friends out here. So now, I am kind of reaching out to some of his friends, just so I can make new friends, and maybe have a way of getting the ex back.

 

I took the lady and her son down to the guinea pig rescue yesterday. I drove a total of 10 hours and I ended up crashing on their sofa last night. They had a good time and they adopted two baby guinea pigs. Since she is a youth counselor, I did talk to her about things. I was able to drag out of her that my ex is dating someone new and she is very young. This lady doesnt think it is going to last because she doesnt think my ex knows how to have a long term relationship with someone since he is so messed up in his thinking because his mom has been so controlling of him for such a long time. She did tell me that he had relationships in the past but they never lasted long and that the women were messed up in one way or another. She told me that she told my ex that she was coming up with me to adopt some guinea pigs and that the ex was surprised at first. She tells me the ex still wants to be friends with me and that I should start out being friends again and see if we can pick up the romantic relationship again. I dont know. She tells me she doesnt lie to me and she isnt BS'ing since that isnt her style. She also wants to help me work through some of my own problems, insecurities, etc concerning my best friend and my mother.

 

We all had a good time and, it appears to me, that she does want to be my friend. I am hoping she turns out to be a good friend. She thinks that I will see the ex again and hopefully something good can come out of it. I am not sure what is going to happen.

[renaissancewoman101]

Me, the stupid one decided to call the ex on a whim. Why I dont know. He didnt seem real happy to hear from me. I told him that I took his friends to adopt some guinea pigs. He was ok with that and with me being friends with his friends. Or at least he sounded like he was. He didnt want to talk long. He seems nervous or annoyed that I called. I asked him if he wanted to go and hang out as friends. He said he wasnt ready yet and that he was busy reconnecting wtih some of his old friends. He didnt seem like he wanted to talk long so I let him go.

 

I miss him so much esp now that my best friend is gone. He meant a lot to me and I wish he hadnt left me. He wont tell me that he found a new gf but I know he did. He isnt ever going to come back to me, that I know now.

 

I am so sad and so devastated. I am going to hang out with my ex's friend tonight. She left her cane in my car and I told her that I could drive it down tonight and I asked her if I could come and talk and she said I could.

 

Right now, I need people to be around me because my best friend is gone and I am very scared. I really don't know what to do. We are all freaked out.

 

I am not trying to impinge on the friend but I need a shoulder to cry on or be with. I just feel so empty.