long distance ex wants me to wait while he sleeps around

[parisgirl]

so i'm doing a 7-month program in paris. i thought that me and my bf of 1 year were going to do the long-distance relationship thing, but then at the airport he suddenly and ambiguously said he didn't want to make any promises about exclusivity. after i got to paris we exchanged a lot of "i love you. i miss you" emails. until 2 weeks after i got to paris he told me he slept with a hooker. i said we were definitely, unambiguously over. but we continued to email until he said he had slept with another hooker. now we're doing NC. i'm really mad because he was so ambiguous about everything- never explicitly said he wanted to break up or have an open relationship while i was away until he told me about the hooker.

 

the thing is, he says sees himself marrying me and he wants to get back together after i come back. he's spent most of his life in a string of committed relationships and wants that experience of sowing his oats, so to speak. since i'm abroad anyway, he wants to use this time to have lots of sex with other people. he says he still loves me, all that stuff. i still love him, but am really hurt and angry. he wants me to wait for him to get this sex mania thing out of his system and then get back together. (he has never been unfaithful in any of his relationships) but i'm not sure if i can get over the fact that he's been sleeping with all of these people, even if it was just physical. also, he is sad that i'm sad but he doesn't think he has done anything wrong because he's been honest and is doing what he feels he needs to do.

 

so i'm trying to just move on, but i'm still very much in love with him and i want to know. could i take him back and still have my self-respect? will i be angry forever?

 

all of my friends think this guy is a jerk and i should move on. i already know all the reasons i should just forget this guy. but i would like to know if anyone thinks it would be possible for me to forgive him and get back together.

[hockeyboy]

all of my friends think this guy is a jerk and i should move on.

 

i tend to agree with your friends on this one.

[RayKay]

So...he goes and sleeps with hookers and other women while you wait around? Are YOU allowed to go and sleep with others to get it out of your system?

 

 

he is sad that i'm sad but he doesn't think he has done anything wrong because he's been honest and is doing what he feels he needs to do.

 

Read that again - does that sound like someone whom loves you and is very good relationship material? Someone who does not even see how screwing around, and doing whatever he "needs" to do at your expense is well, wrong?

 

Sweetie, this is not just cruel, selfish, inconsiderate and very UNloving behaviour, but he is putting YOUR health at risk if he would do this and then think of coming back to you. Prostitutes are NOT the most clean people in general, and even a condom does not protect against everything.

 

 

I hardly think that his "honesty" merits you getting back together with him in this situation. A dog cannot apologize for being a dog and expect you to then believe he's a kitten.

 

And finally no, I think if you have self respect you would NOT take him back.

[Frank1607307300]

That's impossible if you ask me. You need to respect yourself. That's BS that he feels he hsan't done anything wrong. HE'S BEEN SLEEPING WITH HOOKERS! If he was an honest guy he wouldn't do this. You really want to be with this type of person? WAKE UP! You will have no self-respect getting back with him. Have some self-respect right now for yourself and get him out of your life completely. He blew it!

[Country Garden]

Tell him to make wings and fly off, he does not deverse to be in a relationship with you or anyone else. This guys is sick and needs help but you are not the one to do it. He need professional help and if you stick around for this guy to hurt you he will. So dont let this guy bring you down get out fast and stay out. Trust me dont put yourself through this, tell him it is over and leave him alone and move on.

[Dannysgirl]

all of my friends think this guy is a jerk and i should move on.

 

i tend to agree with your friends on this one.

 

I agree Hockeyboy, he's an idiot.

 

You could do so much better girl, drop this loser and find someone else who doesn't expect you to wait around while he 'sows his wild oats.'

 

If he wants to do that fine but he shouldn't expect you to wait around until he's finished! Besides that how do you know he will have gotten his 'sex mania' out of his system if you get back together?

 

Why does he feel the need to pay for sex anyway? The hooker thing is a huge red flag! Besides the reservations you may have about him paying for sex what about his sexual health? He is risking his own health and yours by sleeping with prositutes!

 

Drop this guy like a hot potato, he's not worth it.

 

Good luck

[lady00]

Dump him. Or just stop responding to him. He doesn't deserve to have you hanging around when you could be focusing on just having fun and making friends in Paris instead of worrying about who he's sleeping with. Someone who claims to love you but wants to sleep with prostitutes and then get back with you in the future is treating you like a doormat. Your friends are right. Just based on what you said here, he is not treating you with the respect you deserve and all his "I love you's" don't mean much given his actions.

[Iceman26]

Dump him. Or just stop responding to him. He doesn't deserve to have you hanging around when you could be focusing on just having fun and making friends in Paris instead of worrying about who he's sleeping with. Someone who claims to love you but wants to sleep with prostitutes and then get back with you in the future is treating you like a doormat. Your friends are right. Just based on what you said here, he is not treating you with the respect you deserve and all his "I love you's" don't mean much given his actions.

 

Agreed. Lady said it much much more nicer then I would have.

[arwen]

Wow, sleeping with hookers... that must have been a slap in the face. I am sorry, girl.

 

I'd continue NC at this point. You are in one of the most beautiful and romantic places in the world right now. You have to enjoy your stay there. He could have spend his money on a ticket to have some French romance with you instead of paying for some random sex with... ugh.

 

My bf of 4 years couldn't commit to me, and when I was abroad, I just enjoyed. I was in Italy, and had many dates (being blond helped of course ). I never went back to him, because my time there learned me how I was and who I was just on my own. I didn't need him for anything.

 

As lady said, actions speak louder than words. He doesn't show you love, my guess is just that he doesn't want you to find someone better so he strings you along. And he has every reason to be scared of that, because you CAN do much better than him.

 

Ilse.

[Yowser_76]

Wow, I don't even know where to begin with this one

 

He needs to sow his wild oats and he does it with HOOKERS??!!!

 

To put it bluntly...this guy is a tool. He obviously has no respect for your feelings or potentially your health. He thinks it's ok to just do whatever he wants, sleep with whoever he wants, and then just get back together with you like nothing ever happened? Er, I don't think so!

 

To be honest, I seriously doubt that you can put this behind you and just take this guy back. I know I couldn't!! I mean do you honestly think you can just forgive him and trust him again after all this? I seriously doubt it. You sound pretty level headed and I'm sure that in time you'll realise you have too much self respect to put up with this rubbish!

 

You deserve better