the "feeling" alone feeling

[J a m e s]

its been, well i would say 3 weeks NC from splitting with my ex 2 months ago (if you havent followed my posts, we was together 6 years, lived together for 2 years) she text me last week, and broke NC but i never responded.

 

in this what i would call a journey i have been to hell and back it feels like with my emotions, crying in the middle of the day at work, waking up blaming myself for everything, feeling useless...its a roller coaster ride with different emotions showing themelves as time goes on.

 

now im at that point where i dont feel like i am thinking of my ex, every second im granted...but i do still think of her alot and i have this big feeling now of being alone which i cant seem to shake.

 

it always seems the grass is always greener on the otherside, all my friends have gf and have someone to care and talk to, where i have no-one now.

 

i've been out with my mates, chatted to a couple of girls..but i dont seem to have the effort to find someone new or the confidence to properly chat to another girl. i feel im not ready yet to move on, as it would only be a replacement and i would look for my ex in another person.

 

just gonna keep my mind busy and try and get on, visit this forum lots to as it is a big help.

[Lil R]

i think your not over your ex yet give it some time its hard to not have someone in your life when they were so close to you..and its hard to think that the persn you put so much effort into isnt there no more. The fact is you have to tell yourself what do you really want and what is she doing? is she moping around? is she having the time of her life? is she falling to pieces? you need to get to grips in what you want and tell your self i want that. If you dont want another relationship then dont you dont need someone to care about all the time if your m8s ave gfs so what..when the time is right you'll be on track...its all about fate and really take life as it comes.. i been through the exact same thing that your going through and when my time was finally up when i really had nothing to live for my boyf appeared in my life from nowhere and saved me and hes my angel he helps me with everything and i thank god for him every day and trust me trust me it does get better.. (and the grass it never greener on the other side it always greener where you are.)

[moondog627]

Sorry to hear your story James. I've been 3 months of NC since my ex broke up with me (2 yr relationship). At first when I would go out with friends I would get hit with these depression spells where I would have to just leave and be alone when we were out doing whatever (playing pool, drinking brews at the bar or club). But eventually you will rebound. Don't worry about other women right now unless you want to. I couldn't at first either (hell, I couldn't even talk to other women, save friends, for a couple weeks). Work on yourself, love yourself, and become your own best friend. I've never really believed in hell, but if there is one then I'm not afraid to confront it now as I also have been in the depths. It's good that you're getting all of your emotions out. Trust me, you are gonna be so much stronger after all this. Just let nature take it's course.

[cinderella jones]

sorry to hear your story. it sucks when these things happen because people I believe create comfort zones and don't know how to go about getting on with their lives when changes like this happen. It's hard to move on when feelings are still there somewhere. Sometimes you don't know what to make of those feelings and you begin to find yourself a little lost at times. I know for me this is what I am going through now. I have so many reasons to forget my X and yet I find myself thinking of that person and wondering how he is doing...did I make a mistake?..things like that...etc... sometimes i often wonder if love can be so powerful that you can actually still be in love with someone who has hurt you and vice versa...it's crazy to think that that could be the case...I have moved on and am now seeing someone ..but I have to admit that I do think of my x at times b/c we had such a strong connection...I still feel lots of anger still however and that's why I know that being apart right now is the best thing for both of us...I believe that although life goes on..somewhere at some point you will always think of your x b/c you loved that person at one point of your life....you just need to get at a point where you accept what has happened and hope that both of you will find happiness in your own ways....don't worry about friends and their lovers...you never know what is really going on..for all you know your friends might look at you like the grass is greener on your side......trust me on that one....

[danylion]

Hi James.

I think you are so strong with your NC, that must have been a tough decision to ignore it, well done. As for other girls I agree with the previous post that it is way to soon and any action you take now would probably make you feel worse.

 

I know it may seem a dark and desparate time, but hang in there and hang on and when the time comes (which I promise you it will, you sound like a top guy) you will feel elated because you are ready and want it for the right reasons. You have been through a hell of a lot and your emotions are all over the place.

 

I cant think about other men and the thought of kissing someone else other than my ex is actually very painful and frustrating as I want so much to move on. But as you said you are thinking about her less though it maybe a little less, this means youre healing.

 

As for your friends being coupled up, i know....I went to a dinner party on sat- 9 people, 4 couples and me! All my friends and my sisters are couples...2 of my sisters are getting married! Its tough but you can still get through it and they know what your thinking and want to help you. I look at them in a different light, that there is hope, try not to become bitter.

 

NEway Just wanted to say hang on, hang , hang on in there!!!!

[heloladies21]

You're healing, that's good. You will keep getting better. Keep trying to talk to other girls though. It will make you feel better, and there's a pretty good chance that you will find someone even better than your ex. The sooner the better.

[Juha]

Going through it now also, been 4 months....

 

I have gone out on dates nothing yet as I have not had a spark yet with any of them but will be friends at least...I am not looking for anything serious as that is not what I want, I want to take care of me right now...

 

I am choosy when it comes to girlfriends and dont have the shotgun approach that so many others have....

 

Just about every one of my friends are married or have a g/f and when they get plan things such as restaurants or shows they plan as couples...I can see their point but it really is not very nice if you ask me....

 

SOme of them don't feel comfortable having a single around all couples, eventhough I know all of them or some of them feel I won't be comfortable with all couples...I don't care I look at it as they are my friends married single or whatever...

[J a m e s]

im sitting at work now, thinking things over..well things flying through my head as i am in some state of confusion.

 

it seems strange to me that 2 months down the line my ex is still playing on my mind. everything seems such a blur; the waking up feeling guilt for not doing something like going to the shop when in the relationship, and thinking if i had we would still be together; the crying fits; the feeling really low about myself and useless; not accepting its over and waiting for that magic call; putting my ex on a pedestal and seeing no errors within her; the thoughts she doesnt care, and her life is soo much better now.

 

all these thoughts/emotions have crashed through my mind, opening a new chapter within myself. making me see things in a different light, wanting to better myself, wanting to make myself stronger, wanting to find a new kind of happiness.

 

it just seems so hard to do some of those things, as i am so used to experiencing them with someone else and not on my own. my friends and family really help to give me comfort and get me through, but now the talk of my ex has evaporated from our chats and they think i am fully healed (well thats what i think)

 

this is where my feeling alone, feeling is coming from. as this is how it feels right now inside.

 

i cant seem to point my mind in a direction, its scattered all over the place, thoughts jumping out at me making no real sense.

[danylion]

its only two months, you're doing well. Don't stop talking to your friends and family and don't think you're boring them. They have unconditional love for you and will be there as long as you require it. Im sure they know that you're not fully healed, its way too soon.

 

The pedastal thing is a real issue, its so easy to do that. "they were so amazing etc"....blah blah blah...... it becomes harder to think of the bad times, this is because you are so lonely that your mind plays tricks on you! You believe what you want to believe. Thats dangerous ground and why people get back when they shouldn't, theyre dis-illusional (sp) about how it really was.

 

I know its all so hard and painful, its just a load emotional c***. Sorry you're feeling down today.