I need advice

[Kellyg]

I need some advice. I have been in a relationship with my boss for 15 years. We are both married. We work in a 2 person office. Just us. I have met his wife and they are only married in name only. There is a 15 year age difference between us. He and his wife live in a upper middle class home and I live in a lower middle class home. I live kind of a week to week existence. He pays all the bills in his home life and his wife has her paycheck for herself. He knows I have a rough time of it financially. My question is this? Is it wrong of me to expect him to help me financially? For example I really kind of resent the fact that he pays his wife car payment for her and I struggle to pay mine. I hate to be the jealous type and I really love him. I also know he loves me. Sometimes I think it doesn't enter his mine to help. He's kind of the absent-minded professor type. Let me know what you think.

[novaseeker]

You're not his wife. You have no claim to financial support from him, to be honest. Husband and wife have a legally recognized relationship, their debts are joint, and so forth ... you're outside of that.

 

But more to the point, it's irresponsible of you both to have allowed this relationship to persist as an affair for as long as it has. 15 years! My gosh! And he is still married to his wife? And you're married as well! Please!?! What you are doing is wrong. Expecting financial support from him is kind of beside the point, but in any case you have no right to expect it from him.

[RayKay]

Oh .

 

You are having an affair with a man, whom IS married, and expect him to help you out financially? You have NO right to his finances honestly legally or morally.

 

What do you mean "married in name only". Does his wife know about you, does he bring you home for dinner? Or do you only know what he tells you about their marriage?

 

You have spent 15 years of your life, some VERY prime years by the way, with a man whom is married to someone else....and I imagine given HIM your all. What has he given you, other then the promise of a continued affair and the lack of true commitment on his part?

 

And um....what about YOUR husband? How does he feel about this affair?

[BellaDonna]

We are both married.

 

What is your husband's role in all of this?

 

 

BellaDonna

[punchy504]

wouldn't that make you a prostitute?

[shes2smart]

Well, since others have addressed the infidelity issues (and I agree with them), I'll make this suggestion:

 

If you're having financial difficulties, you could do what a lot of other people who have financial difficulties do....start looking for a better-paying job.

 

I'd be willing to bet that your emotional involvement with this man has clouded your vision in terms of what you are paid for your actual job. Personal relationship aside, he's your employer....and every employer I've had dealings with will gladly pay you less than your work is worth if you let them.

 

You might want to start by just researching what others are making doing similar jobs in the city or state you are in. You might be very surprised. If he's paying you markedly less than the going rate, it might be the smack upside the head you need to start making changes to improve your situation.

[RooferGirl23]

if he started helping you finacially then it would show up on his records.. records that his wife would see and wonder where the money was going and it would end everything where it sits. Just because he loves you does not make him obligated to you finacially.

What you really need from him is a raise... in PAY, that is! lol

[Beec]

My advice would be find a new job that pays more.

 

I have no positive comments about infidelity.

[miracle29]

If this was me (and it would not be) but his actions would send a clear signal to me that perhaps I was not as important a I'd like to imagine.

He is taking care of wifey, and giving you just what you accept "SECOND BEST". you've held on for 15yrs, well guess what? Why complain now, he's not going to change.

 

I also don't want to come off as cold or uncaring but to be honest..you are getting what you deserve. The two of you are cheating and making a mockery of your wedding vowels. Perhaps God is showing you a bit of light, a glimmer of "get out and get out fast" that you missed 15yrs ago.

 

If you want to see what and who you are really involved with, bring this up to him and see how fast this 15yr affair gets "tossed" in the wind. He is using you, has his wife he goes home too and if you don't see this now...then maybe you will never see it.

 

This is the longest affair I have ever heard of. How on earth could she not know about you?I would have sniffed this out by now. Can you explain this to me? I don't understand how she could not know. This is wrong on so many levels, but first answer me that question and maybe Id know more to help you more. Though i feel that you got yourself into thi pickle and if i was you I'd get out FAST!!!!!!!

 

What kind of man sleeps with you, is your boss and never gives you a raise. Can't you see whats going on here? It is so clear to me!

[shyanne]

hello, he is married.....so are you. he should pay for his wife's credit cards not yours..... i think its totally wrong for you to want him help pay your bills. get a better job and buy a better home..... work for what you have, feels much better then having things handed to you.

[Kellyg]

I want to thank everyone for their advice. It's just what I needed to hear. I guess sometimes we just get too close to the situation and need someone to point out how wrong it is. Thanks again for your advice.

[miracle29]

Kelly G, you say 'thanks for the advice, but I feel that maybe some of the posters (not meaning to) may have hurt your feelings a bit and so now you feel like running. I want to tell you that this forum has had its share of infidelity posts. We're fed up with it, but NOT WITH YOU.

 

I don'twant you to run and just hide from the issues because that is probably how you got into this situation in the first place!

 

In the past I have been more than hard on cheaters and people who can't be true to their spouses, but i'm starting to see now that rudeness and "I hate all you cheaters" wont get any thing solved.

 

I am trying to help you see the big picture here, but I dont' want you to run because none of us here want to hurt you, were just upset that here we go again with another poster with the same post. Different day same thing kind of attitude. Some of us have been cheated on, and so when the "other man" or "other woman" comes on the site looking for help, we all feel inclined to ATTACK.

 

I know you love your boss, i know you think he is the one, but he is using you. Cant you see this? He doesnt respect you and probably see's you as his mistress. Mistresses always get second best. If you feel that you are not worth more than this, then how can you ever expect this man to respect you. 15yrs is a long time, and something is biting you and telling you "hey wait a minute...something is wrong here".

 

He is not going to leave his wife..I don't even need to tell you this, but I will if you havent found it out by now.

 

He is going to use you until you have nothing left to give him , then he'll move on to another victim, if he hasnt already found a few on the side that you don't even know about. A man like this can't be trusted..look at his character. Its the oldest trick in the book.

 

I also feel that your husband is not there for you, or something is very wrong here because if you had a stable, and happy marriage this post would never have existed. I'd like for you not to run. No one here will attack you (well I wont) but don't try to just shove this under the rug because this is not going to just die in a week.

 

Tell us more about how this started, and how it all has gotten this far. Why is he doing this to her, and why are you doing this to your husband. give us more info and you will more than likely get some very well needed help.