burden of shyness preventing next step

[Caterina]

I have found that I am good at first impressions. I generally love talking to people. Well, this helps when it comes to flirting, because I am not afraid to be bold enough to have a good, solid conversation with a random guy who just happens to be, say, standing in the same line as I am. Well, the problem comes when I become consciously aware that I am attracted to the guy that I am having the good conversation with. It seems as though I meet a lot of guys, and we flirt, but then it just ends there. No exchange of phone numbers, no other indicators of interest that would take it further then the location that we were just at. Is this an indicator that I shut them out because I get nervous? Are there ways to get them to have the courage to ask you for a number? I am very limited in experience...I used to just rely on making friends first, but that takes time and energy that I don't have...see, the area that I live in has no young men...I drive up to this town that has some young men, but its not like I can see the same guy every week long enough to establish any sort of friendship because of my hectic schedule.

 

Basically, how do you get a man to ask you for your number? I mean, they seem to indicate interest, but it could just be that they are being flirtacious...

[Alabama]

Just keep trying I say. There's no guarenteed method to get a guy to like you, you just have to see if their is any interest. Sorry, I can't be of much help. Good luck, though.

[Puddle]

Sounds like men see you as one of the guys or just a friendly girl. They don't see you in a romantic way. Hard to say what causes this, maybe you're too funny and extroverted which intimidates men? It's easier for a man to ask a girl out if he knows he's on top of things. If the girl is very loud the man feels she's just being friendly.

 

I don't think it's a good idea to look for friends first. But that's me. If you feel more comfortable that way then you just have to broaden your social circle, and that you can start with your female friends.

 

It's very hard for men to make the next step and ask for the number. We're no different than women. We need to be almost sure she'd give it if we ask. That's hard to achieve. A lot is in the body language. You have to look like you're just waiting for them to ask. Create spaces in the conversation where asking for it would fit well. Look at the time on your cellphone for example. This will bring the phone to the conversation and make him feel pressured to ask for your number, because maybe you have someplace you have to go to and that's why you wonder what time it is? So he has to make the move now and not wait indefinitely.

[Caterina]

The reason I like friends first is for several reasons. One, I eventually become aware of their intentions if I am unaware of the intentions in the beggining. Two, I find out if I genuinely like their personality and if they genuinely like mine. Three, there is no pressure when you understand that you are just friends, so it allows you to be yourself and to make sure that they are falling for the real you if they are falling for you.

 

Thats a good point about the cellphone, thanks.

[Belle]

God help me, if I knew how to get beyond the discomfort of talking to the ones I know I'm attracted to, I'd tell you Cat. I'm in teh same boat. I can talk to just about anyone, smile and chat up strangers in elevators. But if I perceive that I am highly attracted to someone, it's like cat got my tongue. I am uncomfortable and super shy. I have spent so much time and effort coming out of my shell, it seems like it's just the last stepping stone before I become an outright extrovert.

 

I think the only thing you can do is tell yourself that the guy's just the same as anyone else and you don't even know him. Make him normal and human and it's easier to talk to them. Take away their super human powers by telling yourself he's got buckteeth. Because if you can't get past the shyness with teh guys you like, they'll never take that step to ask you out because you'll be wound too tight to show interest. Then all that's left are the guys you wouldn't let your unattractive girlfriend date.

 

Just a thought.

 

Belle

[candieeeegirl]

A lot is in the body language. You have to look like you're just waiting for them to ask. Create spaces in the conversation where asking for it would fit well. Look at the time on your cellphone for example. This will bring the phone to the conversation and make him feel pressured to ask for your number, because maybe you have someplace you have to go to and that's why you wonder what time it is? So he has to make the move now and not wait indefinitely.

 

hahaha that's what i do!! works everytime. try it Cat!

[Caterina]

Hey, thanks for the great tips. Don't be disheartened, don't give up my friends. If we exist, there are others, and the tender hearts will be united! lol