Does this sound like the start of abuse?

[eimono]

Hello all,

 

Can you tell me if you think this is the start of abusive behavior?

 

My GF (just moved out on Saturday by the way) was previously in a very abusive relationship. While she doesn't think she is abusive, here is some of what she does:

 

Interrupts anything I say when we get into even a disagreement. I've asked her to stop but she can't seem to control herself.

 

She raises her voice, to the point I say she is yelling if she thinks I'm not listening to her. She says "I'm not yelling, you're just not listening to me and I'm trying to make sure you hear me."

 

When things get very heated she gets up into my face, I try to leave the room and she blocks the doors. If I try and walk away she tries to make it where I can't get away from her.

 

One time when she was very angry I tried to leave and close myself in the bathroom and she kept trying to follow me. Yelling I'm not done talking to you. I tried to close the door but she threw her weight into it and broke the door off the hinges. It was a cheap door but still... She said it was just as much my fault since I pushed it from the inside.

 

One time she got upset when yelling at me and threw her elbow into my side as she walked out of the room. She claims she didn't do it on purpose and she was sorry. But I remember that she just forced her self out of the room and seem to try to push me out of the way.

 

Is this the start of some very bad signs of thinks to come? If we stay together, how should I handle this?

[DN]

Yes, this is already abuse and will probably get worse. If you want the relationship to continue, then tell her that you will dump her unless her behaviour changes immediately.

 

Both of you, and especially your girlfriend, need to learn how to communicate without this sort of argument.

 

If she does not change - dump her. Don't give her a lot of time to do that because if she won't change now she won't change later.

 

Edit: having read the previous post you made, I think you should just end the relationship anyway.

[kellbell]

Isn't this the same girl who gave you a DAY to prove to her you changed and that you were serious about giving your relationship another chance? Tell this girl to take a hike! Good grief.

Yes, this is abuse by the way. Physical, emotional and verbal. I know this will be hard for you but you need to start NC right away. Get this girl out of your life for good! Come here often. There is a lot of support, advice, and others who are going through similar things are you here. You are not alone in this. Take care.

[BellaDonna]

Yes this is definitely an abusive relationship, and will likely only get worse.

 

If we stay together, how should I handle this?

 

Honestly. I think you should change your question to

 

How will I get myself out of this unhealthy situation?

 

I'm sure this is going to cause stress because you just moved in- so it will make it messier- but it's still not a good enough reason to stay with her and withstand that kind of treatment.

 

There are so many countless posters that get deeper in a hole once they move in with someone. I think they stay just because it's appears "easier" rather than breaking up the home and dealing with finances and moving, etc. But apartments/houses are just WALLS. What about your own happiness?

 

BellaDonna

[eimono]

kellbell,

 

Yes, it is...

 

I just had hoped that we could find a way to work throught her troubled past. She came by asking to use my phone yesterday, we ended up talking for a few seconds and before I could finish a sentence about how I felt she interrupted me and said I see you're being grumpy today too so I'll leave you alone. And left. I haven't heard from her since then.

 

 

I have a feeling she might stop by tonight, but I just don't know. I know I want her to, even though I don't know how to fix us or if she will every get help....

 

BellaDonna, no she moved out, not in... so that's much better. I'm just looking back at things that happened now and wondering what to do about all of it.

 

Why do our hearts have to love people whom they shouldn't?

[kellbell]

Why do our hearts have to love people whom they shouldn't?

 

Because we always want we can't have. Or we keep thinking what COULD HAVE been. God, I asked that question to myself many times in the past.

[BellaDonna]

BellaDonna, no she moved out, not in... so that's much better. I'm just looking back at things that happened now and wondering what to do about all of it.

 

oops. I thought you wrote "moved in" (time for me to have some caffeine )

 

Well that's much better then. It will be easier for you to get out of the situation if you please.

 

Why do our hearts have to love people whom they shouldn't?

 

I think it all has to do wiht self-esteem. If you truly love yourself -you won't tolerate being treated badly. The tricky thing with abusive people is that they can ruin your self-esteem, so even if it was in tact when you initially met her- she slowly ruined it and made you feel like you needed her, or that you were not worthy of better.

 

BellaDonna

[darkblue]

Why do our hearts have to love people whom they shouldn't?

 

We let ourselves fall; hoping we will be caught.

In some cases we are left until our noses are in mud.

[eimono]

It is just so hard because I wanted to be able to help her. I feel like I failed and I did so many things wrong... That I could have done something better, or tried harder.

 

Then I start down the road of how much I hate myself for the fact his always happens to me. How I've been left or cheated on and then left every time. Makes me wonder what is so wrong with me...

 

So I started doing some reading on the forums and found a old post of mine from 5 months ago. Yeah, Back in may..

 

link removed

 

It's a post where I was trying to find my current (ex?)GF some help to get over issues. And I even felt back then that it could cost the relationship.

 

But something happened in those five months. That made me lose all concept of what she was doing and what I needed to do for her and us. Reading that post almost makes me speachless... yet I don't feel any better. I still feel as if I failed some how.

 

I've got a session with a counselor tomorrow. It's just for me to try and help with these issues. But do you guys have any other advice?

 

How do I keep myself from crawling back to her and letting her problems become mine?

 

I haven't talked to her since sunday morning, so that's a start I know. Just not sure I have what it takes to stay away until at least I heal.

[gabbyfox]

That won't be easy but please keep trying,one day at a time,one second,one minute at a time!!!