what do you guys think about his behaviour?

[hot_to_trot]

I'm not sure if this is a case of 'cold feet' or whether this guy just didn't like me. My gut tells me that I jump started his heart and he got scared, but I'd like some objectivity, which is where you guys come in J So please if any of you can give me your opinion, no holds barred…

 

I won't go into details since online dating usually starts with conversation, followed by several emails and messenger conversations. This is how it began. We hit it off extremely well, and he asked me for my number. I was hesitant, and shy, so I asked him to call at a time I wasn't expecting J We spoke on the phone a few times, then decided to meet for a drink. The "date" went very well, or so I thought. He even sealed the deal with a very nice kiss, which lead to a night cap of cuddling and kissing (nothing more, nothing less). After that, contact became less and less on his part. He tried messaging me a few times, but I was in "away" mode and didn't get his messages until much later. Then, the defining email came saying he really enjoyed the time we had spent together and that he wanted to see me again, followed by the "not ready for a relationship right now" speech. So I responded lightly, with no real mention of his relationship comment, and agreed that I too had a great time. He sent one more email asking me how I was doing, so again, I kept it light. It had been over a week since I sent it with no response, so I thought I would give him a call (after all, friends call each other, rightJ). He wasn't as upbeat as he'd been in the past, but did seem happy to hear from me, and even thanked me for calling him. At any rate, he claims to be a very honest person who isn't a game-player, so I'm wondering if I oughta just call him on his behaviour. I know that he has been hurt by a previous relationship. One where he was ready to marry this girl and move countries to be with her, but she broke his heart at the last minute. I'm guessing that this happened a good 6 to 9 months ago and that he may still be dealing with this, and the reality of having a relationship with me may have scared him. Do guys think of relationships this complexly?

[Caterina]

Damn, if it was that hard, I'd just give up. Earlyness in relationships is supposed to be easy and fun in my opinion. Also, if you like someone, don't make yourself so unavailable...

[novaseeker]

Eh ... where is the game playing happening, exactly?

 

He met you once, and thereafter told you he wasn't ready for a relationship. It doesn't sound to me like he was stringing you along, at least not for very long once you met. He probably means he would like to date you or see you from time to time, but not seriously and probably not exclusively. Saying he isn't ready for a relationship is another way of saying that. In comparison to other situations, it seems to me he was rather straight and honest with you, and the reason why he has been less available for you is because he isn't interested in a relationship with you, which he already told you.

 

If I were you, I would relegate him to the back of the book, and continue looking for other people, because for whatever reason he isn't interested in pursuing a relationship with you right now.

[shes2smart]

Do guys think of relationships this complexly?

 

For the most part, I don't think they do. Seems to be something many women do, and I used to do it, too. And if I could go back and live that part of my life again, I wouldn't waste my time analyzing things so much. I was over-thinking a lot of things and spending too much time rationalizing guys' impolite, rude, poor or simply disinterested behavior.

 

If he was interested in pursuing you/a relationship with you, he'd call. If he's got baggage from a previous relationship, it's HIS job to sort through it, not yours. Don't pick it up and try to carry it for him, that's not your responsibility.

 

You've let him know you're available and interested. You can't make him respond. Don't waste your time making excuses for his lack of response. It may have absolutely nothing to do with you, something to do with your or everything to do with you. In any case, it doesn't matter...he's decided what he's decided...it's not your job to change his mind. Just move along so you can meet someone who will make the effort to build the kind of relationship you want.

[suprema99]

Explain though your reasons for ''away mode' like you said. That's really all I can see how communication might of went sour right away. If he was trying to get in touch with you after the date, you said you got his emails and stuff much later.