can't stop thinking about ex with new girl

[pulp]

i've become totally obsessed with what my ex is doing. i recently found out that my he is dating some new girl now (who has a boyfriend, but says she wants to breakup with him). i've heard that all he wants to do is have sex with her. i feel so hurt. i'm not ready for this. but i know it's not really up to me. i want to go out all of the time just to maybe run into them and see what she looks like. i seriously think i'm going crazy. i've been doing all of the normal post-breakup things, like exercising, reading, spending time with family/friends, but i'm not satisified. i want these thoughts out of my head. i want to be happy, but this seems to be taking control over my life.

[babycristy456]

WOW! yes i understand what you are going through. I've gone through it twice already with two of my ex's that I really loved and right after out break up they both found a new girl right away. You just need to occupy yourself with your own guys and friends especially. Have lots of fun and go out plenty. I don't know if this will work for you, but just keep imagining the worse he can do with her, like having sex with her...and just get over it. Once you imagine the worse, and accept it, then nothing more can hurt you. I dunno it worked for me. Well i hope you feel better.

*Good LuCk*

[crookster_man]

You're taking the right steps with being active and hanging out with friends. Your problem is that you are allowing your mind to run wild. You are in control of your mind, it doesn't control you.

 

I'll explain how your mind works, first you have a thought (i.e. my ex is sleeping with another woman) this leads to an emotion (sadness, hurt, jealousy, grief...) Once you experience an emotion you proceed to an action (brooding over the loss, getting upset and violent, getting mad at people, or just feeling down in the dumps).

 

You need to perform what is called a thought interjection. Basically when you have a negative thought, you need to address it right away. Such as you think about your ex with someone else, you mentally picture the event. This upsets you. You need to stop the thought consciously and say, I will not go down this path. Then you should try to empty your mind and fill it with a positive affirmation "I am happy and successful in everything I do"

 

Doing this will feel strange at first but trust me in a few days it will get easier and easier. You need will power. You know when you are doing something that will force you to address sad issues. Have you removed all of his things that are in your place? you must take an active role in thought interjection. Remember you are the master of your mind; you are not its slave. Control your thoughts and you will be a happier person.

[Johny Marr]

Friend, I agree with all the wonderful advise you are recieving. This is an excellent site and the issue you are dealing with is painful to say the least. I say, accept the pain. Its pure emotion and it really hurts all the time. On the other hand, one way to deminish the pain is obviously time, but also, with objective foresight. Write down on paper things you would objectively like to work on each day. It's simply amazing how your confidence is increased this way by achieving simple, then more complex goals. The better you feel about yourself, the better you will feel about moving on. I've always tried to remember these powerful words. "Be part of the solution and not the problem". Easier said than done, but I wish you the best of luck.

[GurlE]

I know exactly how you feel, also. It actually took me almost 2 years to get over someone I had dated. I had never had that problem before I was always perfectly fine with breaking up with others but one person I just lost it. I couldn't eat or sleep or do anything. I tried of course to get it off my mind acting like I didnt care, going out with friends, flirting with other people...but as soon as I went home and sat in my room by myself I lost it. It was horrible. See my ex started dating one of my friends. The thing is though I was the one who had broken it off that's why it was so weird that I couldnt get over it. I was in love though. In a way I still am but the good thing is after a little time goes by, the pain will subside. It's completely normal to be jealous of who he's dating as long as it doesnt get into stalking or anything. The point is let yourself heal by itself...that's what I did wrong...I tried to hard to ignore it but of course it didnt go away. I'm not saying stop your life to worry about his but I am saying that if you give yourself time to cry and time to think about everything and don't hold your feelings or your emotions against yourself, it will be much easier to heal yourself. If it's meant to be it will be.