Help.. why do i feel this way

[Hepcat13]

. It seems very unfair to her that she tries hard to please you and it just doesn't do it for you because her chest isn't big enough. You seem frustrated with it too, but it must be very hard for her.

 

When have i said this.. its ok to judge me and im a firm believer in having your own opinion and i respect that !! but when people just assume.. well we all know that old saying..

 

There are many other things that are wrong with this marrage but from what i read it seems alot of men and women are going through the same thing.. one of the major problems is that i have been independent my whole life and i find it very easy to make friends..She got outta college lived with her folks and married me.. now we are in a new State .. well new to us .. and have been here almost a year. I enjoy going out with friends i have made and OF COURSE i invite her all the time but there are times where if she works on Sat. and i wanna watch a game @ the pub with a couple buddys.. its a big deal.. She expects me to sit our place until she comes home ( if im not working ). or i say to her .. hey friday this couple that we know want us to come over.. shell sit there and talk crap about them calling them white trash- this that and the other.. i know im getting off the point but i can tie it into the point.. i am doing everything i can to make this relationship work, but it comes down to the fact that she becomes very very childish and very selfish when it comes to us.. She gets upset that i have friends and insists on talking ill about them. Brings me back to im trying to work this sexual issue out but i know that once i do i still have all this other childish stuff to work out and i tend to put everything together.. Like .. man .. she wont leave me alone for 5 min and i wish her brests were just a lil bigger... grrrr.. ranting on the internet is wicked fun!!

[novaseeker]

Couples therapy, then, if there are these other lurking issues in your relationship.

[Hepcat13]

oh by the way .. cause i see a wicked huge pattern here.. SHE brought up the implant idea.. NOT me.. it was over a bathing suit.. and i said well if thats something you want to do i will stand by you.. i made the mistake by not telling her " i love you no matter what " and im sure 99% men would not argue if there wives with a chest that of a 13yr boy said that to them .. but again .. She had brought the conversations up. and now everytime a girl walks by with a C cup and larger.. ( not only do i fanisize ) but i have to look away to let her know.. im not looking.. Sometimes i believe when you say the words i do .. you put your testicles up on the mantle to remind you that you are to not have these thoughts anymore.. well alot of you have made me feel that way.. Any Men care to comment on this?

[RayKay]

No one said you can't have thoughts or look, or have fantasies....I sure did not. What I said was if you KNEW you felt this way before, why did you marry her?

 

And I second novaseeker, seek counselling - marital/couples by the sounds of it..this sounds like more than a sexual issue.

[Dannysgirl]

Likening you wife to a 13yr old boy does not really bode very well for the future of your relationship does it?

 

As for looking at other women's chests, since when is that acceptable? My husband NEVER looks at other women for any reason and if he ever did I'd belt him one. Now I know you wil probably say that he I must have him under the thumb or something but I really don't, he simply doesn't want to stare at other women and has told me himself that had he wanted to do that he wouldn't have married me in the first place.

 

This whole well I'm a man' excuse is just that in my opninion, would you find it acceptable for your wife to stare at the groin area of other men? I don't think you'd like that would you?

 

From what you have said it really doesn't seem that you and your wife are very compatable in a number of areas so you might want to talk to her about going to marriage counselling so you can discuss your differences without it getting too heated and if its still not working out you might have to go for separation.

 

Good luck

[Hepcat13]

no one said it?? i was shuned upon .. and if i had those thoughts before i got married why did i get married? those thoughts are redicuals and can be resolved..thats what im trying to do .. they now are taking the better of me but from what you all are saying is pretty much what a jerk i am and you feel bad for her.. well what a jerk i would have been if i didnt mary BEACUSE of those thoughts. other things need work yes.. counseling? well i have entertained the thought. But im trying to get over these thoughs of nice sweet sexy cuvacuious ( is that a word ) chest.. i was being sarcastic there

[CATLOVER]

Some people are having a bit of a go at you.....but most are just trying to help you get to the root of the problem by asking you certain questions. Thats all

[CATLOVER]

I personally think its better to give yourself permission and know its perfectly normal to fantasise about what you dont have....... Id definitely be exploring that lust for bigger boobs in ways that wont hurt your relationship. Is porn ok with your wife? You need a safe outlet...I dont think it will be a case of getting over it.

[Vert]

Anyway, most of the women here are having a go at you, for sure, but the male responses seem a bit more tempered.

 

With that said, I agree that you shouldn't have taken those doubts into your marriage. You can't change that now though and you just need to perhaps have sexual counseling like one other member suggested. You can still save your marriage, but the two of you probably need counseling of some sort to get these issues with physicality out in the open.

 

Btw, if she suggested implants first then I think it's fine if you bring it up later, but maybe a little more tactful next time? If she is a very small A-cup then I'm surprised she isn't more zealous about implants an yway. Every girl I've ever met that was a A/B cup wasn't opposed to having implants an in fact openly talked about getting them one day. I know it has to do with self-esteem, but having them would boost it for her, I would think...

[Dannysgirl]

I'm a B cup and I've never had any desire to get implants, in fact I wish they were smaller!

[Vert]

Well, let me clarify... I meant borderline B-cup, but more so A-cup. You wish they were smaller? I'm just curious, but why?

[BellaDonna]

Hepcat13,

 

I read your post and all of the replies. I understand the need to feel sexually attracted to your partner- but I think there's more to the story.

 

In regards to implants, after my mother breastfed my sister, her breasts, which used to be a small B cup, went completely flat. She waited a couple of years to see if her body would change back again and it didn't. This really hurt her self-esteem and made her "feel like less of a woman" so she decided to get implants to bring her back to a B cup. However my father was always loving and caring toward her- regardless of her breast size, and the implants were solely her decision.

 

If your wife wants implants, that's her personal decision. However, I must admit- the way you describe the woman you took wedding vows with is a little disturbing. It's one thing to say that she has a small chest...it's another, and much more callous thing to compare her to a 13 year-old boy. There seems to be a lot of anger and disgust there in your choice of words.

 

The overall harshness in your view towards her makes me think there is far more issues than breast size here, because you seem to resent her for some reason and fixate on the breast issue to release your negative feelings about her. I agree with the others that couples counseling would be a good idea.

 

BellaDonna

[Hepcat13]

Vert and Cat .. you both have very very good points that i value.. its seems some just look for the drama in an argument on forums.. cat.. the Porn issue.. you know.. i think that might be part of my probelm.. because i have turned to porn and now all the porn i look @ to satisfy myself is that of women with a b cup or higher.. dont really go to high such as Triple H's like Stacy Stacks the Porn Star.. ok im going off in left field here.. But what i have notcied about myself that i ABSOLUTLEY HATE is that i have become " that guy" like an old school italian .. i wont do that with my wife cause its disrespectful type.. you know what i mean.. i mean i get very uncomfortable if i had to watch porn with her or use toys and what not.. probably because when i was a bachelor i got more @ss than a toilet seat and i think that ruined it for me and now that i partake in porn alone, i feel that is playing a major role on my sex life.. I think i should go to a counselor.. Oh wait.. i dont want you to think im some porn perv freak.. i just fantisize alot but i should be fantisizing about my wife and it makes me sad when guys say i cant wait till i get home and make love to my wife.. cause i can.. grrr...

[Dannysgirl]

Well, let me clarify... I meant borderline B-cup, but more so A-cup. You wish they were smaller? I'm just curious, but why?

 

I don't know really I just think they're too big and I hate the fact that sleazy guys stare at them...

[Vert]

Well, let me clarify... I meant borderline B-cup, but more so A-cup. You wish they were smaller? I'm just curious, but why?

 

I don't know really I just think they're too big and I hate the fact that sleazy guys stare at them...

 

Here's a clue: Men will stare at any good looking girl and take any opportunity to check out breasts -- big or small. Many times women will overexagerrate the "old dirty men staring" stuff because, honestly, they WANT that to happen. Sure, you say you don't here, but being attractive and knowing you can grab a man's attention is a power trip for many women. They will turn around and say "ew, I don't want men staring at my breasts" and then walk out the door with a light blouse that shows huge cleavage. Gotta love the double talk

[Hepcat13]

Outstanding !!! i didnt wanna open that can but being you did i will stand beside you on that.. not double talk though Double standards. I have written many a blog about it actually. I know for a fact.. every man does .. that were all looking when were not with our spouces.. and when you go to the bathroom.. there goes the peak.. I see it all the time.. esp. while i was bartending.. women are no saints to this either.. its very human to do this.. but to say yours doesnt.. well..

[Dannysgirl]

Well, let me clarify... I meant borderline B-cup, but more so A-cup. You wish they were smaller? I'm just curious, but why?

 

I don't know really I just think they're too big and I hate the fact that sleazy guys stare at them...

 

Here's a clue: Men will stare at any good looking girl and take any opportunity to check out breasts -- big or small. Many times women will overexagerrate the "old dirty men staring" stuff because, honestly, they WANT that to happen. Sure, you say you don't here, but being attractive and knowing you can grab a man's attention is a power trip for many women. They will turn around and say "ew, I don't want men staring at my breasts" and then walk out the door with a light blouse that shows huge cleavage. Gotta love the double talk

 

 

You're right SOME women do that, and there's no denying that some get off on it, but personally I find it disgusting especially when they are old enough to be my father.

I much preferred it when I was an A cup, the instances of having my chest eyeballed were much fewer then! Hepcats wife should think herself lucky...

 

Think about it guys, if somebody stared at your groin constantly when speaking to you wouldn't it make you rather uncomfortable?

[Dannysgirl]

Outstanding !!! i didnt wanna open that can but being you did i will stand beside you on that.. not double talk though Double standards. I have written many a blog about it actually. I know for a fact.. every man does .. that were all looking when were not with our spouces.. and when you go to the bathroom.. there goes the peak.. I see it all the time.. esp. while i was bartending.. women are no saints to this either.. its very human to do this.. but to say yours doesnt.. well..

 

Thats the reason I married him, he's not a total sleazeball unlike some men out there....

Not all men are the same you know.

[BellaDonna]

They will turn around and say "ew, I don't want men staring at my breasts" and then walk out the door with a light blouse that shows huge cleavage. Gotta love the double talk

 

I think some men tend to look whether a woman wears a turtle-neck sweater or a v-neck with cleavage showing.

 

All I can say is I tend to wear low cut tops because I like having larger breasts, they're part of my sexuality, and I don't feel the need to hide them from anyone, in fear of being looked at. However you'll never see me wear anything revealing to work, etc.

 

But some men can be quite obnoxious sometimes. Example: Last week I was at the super-market with my husband, but he was in another aisle. I had a tank top on because it was very warm out. I was putting oranges in a bag and some "old dirty man staring" actually came up to me and said (I quote)

"oooo I'd be suckin' on those! I only mean that about the oranges, ya' know"

 

My reponse to him contained far too many profanities to even attempt to post on this forum. It's a good thing my husband didn't hear the incident- I only told him after we got home.

 

Depending on levels of alcohol and stupidity, some men also have the tendency to make suggestive tongue motions. They've done it to me while driving (sticking their heads out the window), etc. So the concept of the old dirty man is definitly alive and well. I don't think wearing a low cut top justifies piggish and classless behavior like that.

 

BellaDonna

[Dannysgirl]

They will turn around and say "ew, I don't want men staring at my breasts" and then walk out the door with a light blouse that shows huge cleavage. Gotta love the double talk

 

I think some men tend to look whether a woman wears a turtle-neck sweater or a v-neck with cleavage showing.

 

All I can say is I tend to wear low cut tops because I like having larger breasts, they're part of my sexuality, and I don't feel the need to hide them from anyone, in fear of being looked at. However you'll never see me wear anything revealing to work, etc.

 

But some men can be quite obnoxious sometimes. Example: Last week I was at the super-market with my husband, but he was in another aisle. I had a tank top on because it was very warm out. I was putting oranges in a bag and some "old dirty man staring" actually came up to me and said (I quote)

"oooo I'd be suckin' on those! I only mean that about the oranges, ya' know"

 

My reponse to him contained far too many profanities to even attempt to post on this forum. It's a good thing my husband didn't hear the incident- I only told him after we got home.

 

Depending on levels of alcohol and stupidity, some men also have the tendency to make suggestive tongue motions. They've done it to me while driving (sticking their heads out the window), etc. So the concept of the old dirty man is definitly alive and well. I don't think wearing a low cut top is justifies piggish and classless behavior like that.

 

BellaDonna

 

 

I know what you mean BellaDonna I hate the 'oh you love it really' argument that some guys make in response to this kind of thing, okay SOME do but don't put us all in that category! Not all of us want to be undressed with your eyes...

[annie24]

So Hepcat - what do you want to do? Do you want to call it quits, or do you want to try to salvage the marriage? There are plenty of sex therapists out there, along with sex videos for couples. Maybe you two can reconnect?

 

I know this is going to sound odd, but some married couples have an open relationship. Would your wife be ok with that? (I'm guessing she wouldn't....)

 

I guess you just have to decide what you want - to be married to your wife or not, and work from there....

[Hepcat13]

Well, let me clarify... I meant borderline B-cup, but more so A-cup. You wish they were smaller? I'm just curious, but why?

 

I don't know really I just think they're too big and I hate the fact that sleazy guys stare at them...

 

B cup still isnt that big.. but Men are men and will look .. Sleazy.. well i have mixed feelings about this.. i agree there are alot of sleaze balls that will Gawk but most look and fantisize. more on a High B - C cup and tight D cups..

 

I know when i go out and i see a woman that is dressed very revealing it is because she wants to be revealing.. if i seen a woman in a sweater, well we get the point here..

[Dannysgirl]

(I quote)

"oooo I'd be suckin' on those! I only mean that about the oranges, ya' know"

 

I know what you mean Bella I once got the 'you don't get many of THEM to the pound HAR HAR!'

 

You'd think I was wearing major padding or something!

[Hepcat13]

So Hepcat - what do you want to do? Do you want to call it quits, or do you want to try to salvage the marriage? There are plenty of sex therapists out there, along with sex videos for couples. Maybe you two can reconnect?

 

I know this is going to sound odd, but some married couples have an open relationship. Would your wife be ok with that? (I'm guessing she wouldn't....)

 

I guess you just have to decide what you want - to be married to your wife or not, and work from there....

 

i know the relationship your talking about and its good for some not for others. I was intimate with a women whos husband approached me for his wife.. and they seemd on the outside to be a very stable couple. but i had a feeling after i had gotten together with her, that i cant really see that being a healthy relationship.. I mean who knows it very well might be. As for me, no. I would not partake in such activity. esp. this early in a marrige. nor do i shun that activity cause if so i would stand as a hipocrate.. Yes i do want to stay married.. I am venting on here, and its helped me actually, cause i have never talked about it.

[Hepcat13]

Thats the reason I married him, he's not a total sleazeball unlike some men out there....

Not all men are the same you know.

 

Well i agree with the Lot of you that there are men who never grew out of the Neanderthal stage. and that is worng.. its Disgusting what that man said to you Bella Donna .. but please do not class me as sleazeball, as you do not know me. If in fact you were referring that to me because i admited to fantisizing..