Friends?

[georgia8740]

Can you ever really be friends after a break-up? Me and this guy broke up back in May we were together for a year and we know have a friend relationship. We had talked about marriage and all that. I am just wandering if this is healthy for me to be friends with him. We talk on the phone at least once a week. And we keep in touch via e-mail. I am in a relationship now, he is not.

[Ms Omaniac]

ive stayed close friends with a couple of my ex's but i gave it much longer than a month to get back in touch with them. it all depends on if one of you two want to get back together. if both of you sincerely dont want a romantic relationship with each other...then the waters are safe to go to being friends again.

 

- ivy

[SkyFire]

I am personally against it.

 

I still talk to some of my exes on occasion, but only when I see them around.

 

you cant really be "friends" with an ex, you are bound to either fall for him again, him fall for you, or both of you fall for eachother.

[Beec]

It can be done, but . . . usually one person wants back into the relationship.

 

If that is not you, then stand your ground, be a friend and don't indicate you will accept a relationship.

 

If that is not you, you mgiht be able to figure out how to make him want a relationship. But aht is not easy, and it will go for naught unless you put in a lifetime of effort.

[Vert]

I don't believe you can ever be truly "just friends" with an ex again unless it is years down the road and both of you are well into your new relationships. As Beec said, one person will inevitably want the other back at some point and it will get hairy again. Treat an ex as you would a casual acquaintance -- a brief hello, small pleasantries, and move on. Talking about "old times" will only cause your new mate to become anxious, jealous, or scared of that person again. NO ONE likes to know who you were fooling around with much less meet that person in living color (trust me, it sucks to meet the ex-bf of your girl when you know they were throwing down with each other for years).

[acuraman]

It all depends on your situation with that person. If you still have strong feelings for this person and can only see them as your partner but not your friend, then chances are being friends will not work.

 

However, if the two of you have worked out your differences, and the emotions are no longer there, then perhaps there could be a chance.

[Green and Purple]

It can be done, but . . . usually one person wants back into the relationship.

 

If that is not you, then stand your ground, be a friend and don't indicate you will accept a relationship.

 

If that is not you, you mgiht be able to figure out how to make him want a relationship. But aht is not easy, and it will go for naught unless you put in a lifetime of effort.

 

After a few years of standing my ground and indicating that i do not want to be in a relationship, my ex and i got back together.

I feel like i've been wasting our time. If we had gotten back together years ago, i would have saved her a lot of distress.

 

How long should we totally go NC with our exes? It does nto sound rational to me to ignore somebody, who was once part of your life, for the rest of your life.

[Beec]

 

After a few years of standing my ground and indicating that i do not want to be in a relationship, my ex and i got back together.

I feel like i've been wasting our time. If we had gotten back together years ago, i would have saved her a lot of distress.

 

How long should we totally go NC with our exes? It does nto sound rational to me to ignore somebody, who was once part of your life, for the rest of your life.

 

OK, you and her are back together as a couple, in a relationship? And you think that your resolve to keep out of the relationship caused her too much undue distress? If I have this right, well maybe.

 

But that depends on what was in your head. If you just were not ready to be in a relationship, and it would have fallen apart, then not having been in it was a good thing for both of you.

 

Whether we are with someone or not is all about how we feel, right. And if being with her was not something you felt like doing, it was good that you were not. If she some how got you into the relationship too quickly, then it might have ended quickly.

 

Now, NC or "no contact" is not normally useful, unless it is to help the person trying to have NC. If it bothers you to see the ex, dono't see the ex. If you want the ex badly, but cannot stop yourself from begging the ex to come back, highly anti-seductive behavior, likely to make the ex run away, then NC can be used to keep some distance while you get control. If you can see the ex without a problem, then by all means see them.