My fiance left me for "insignificant" reasons ...

[TheLostBird]

Hello all,

 

I'll try to keep it short. I was 20 and a met an 18 year old and we fell in love like crazy and it was amazing and we went out for about 2 years. After that, she told me to propose to her. I asked her if she was sure OVER and OVER and OVER again but she insisted I was the one for her. So I proposed and we were engaged for 8 months, we lived with each other at that time. It was PERFECT, i mean just flat out perfect.

 

She had been with other guys before, but I was her first SERIOUS bf.

 

One horrible miserable day (3 weeks ago), a friend of hers that shes known for a long time came back from Iraq, and confessed his love for her. She hung out with him a lot and I got super jealous. One thing led to another, and after a few nasty fights, she breaks up with me.

 

Ofcourse I try everything I can to get her back. I call her parents, I call her friends, I ask this and I ask that. I want to talk to her, ofcourse nothing. Everyone told me that that would drive her away, but I couldnt help it. Finally I managed to stay away for a week.

 

She finally IMs me and tells me to go for a walk. I do, and we have a great time. She tells me to go back to her place and we end up sleeping with each other. After sex she cries and tells me that she loves me but that Im not good for her and that it will never ever work between us!! Even though she admitted that that guy from Iraq is really not right for her and she doesnt want him, he was just a "catalyst". She stated reasons for breaking up that were really not that deep. One of them was "I just felt something was wrong and I had to end it".

 

She told me that she wants to stay "best buddies forever".

 

 

What do I do now? I cant do the NC thing because Ive already ruined it so to speak. I want this girl back in my life so bad I dont know what to do with myself. What is the best approach right now. Try to ignore her more or what?? Should I tell her how I really feel? Im very sure she knows how I feel about her. Please any help, Im SO desperate.

 

 

 

Thanks in advance you guys....

[avman]

Well the reasons may seem insignificant to you, but they are apparently not insignificant to her. You feel it was perfect, but she doesn't and can't really explain it to your satisfaction.

 

You can still do NC. It's never too late for that. Just start now. No calls, no emails, no text messages. She obviously already knows how you feel, you don't need to remind her. What you do not want to do is allow her to fall back on "best buddies" because then she gets everything she needs from you with no strings attached.

 

Let her miss you. Give her space and time to think and reflect on things. Is she guaranteed to come back? Well no, she isn't. But you both need space from each other right now. As you can see, when you smothered her before it did not work. But when you ignored her for a week then she contacts you.

 

Let her be for now.

[DN]

You can and should do no contact. Assume the relationship is over and move on as soon as you can. If she wants you back, which is possible but unlikely, then let her come to you.

[heloladies21]

You've already tried telling her how you feel, so that won't work. Neither will anything you try to do to "get her back".

 

All of her excuses are just excuses, but how can you explain why you just lose interest in someone? It's a feeling she can't explain.

 

Well here's what to do, go No Contact starting now. It's fine, you haven't ruined anything. Don't even let her get through to you for a while. It will let you cool down and give her time to figure things out. Keep busy, relax, lay back, talk to other girls. If she contacts you, be cool, but be busy. She's going to have to work to get back in your life because she's the one who broke it off and needs to be the one to win you back.

 

If she doesn't call or if something develops between her and this "other guy", drop her as it's a dead issue and she doesn't care about you.

[mataney]

she needs to know that you can't be treated this way. take some time off. would you want her to do this again in the future? i didn't think so. get mad. have some standards. you're not her chump. i know you love her so give it some time. looks like she needs to realize what she's doing. good luck

[TheLostBird]

See the problem is, she wont be able to have a reference unless she dates some other guy atleast semi-seriously. Am I correct? Maybe Im being too lenient...

 

But the point is, how is she going to figure out that Im the BEST for her if she doesnt try the rest? Is me not contacting her gonna do it?

[avman]

It is really the only option you have. There is NO guarantee she's going to come back. That is something you will have to learn to accept. All you can do is back off and see what happens.

[heloladies21]

Stop making excuses for her. Did you really need to "try" other girls to know she was the one for you? No, you knew you liked her and that's why you stayed with her. Needing to test the waters to know if you're the one for her is just and excuse, don't buy it.

 

No way to know if No Contact will bring her back to you. It will help you think more clear though. What you're doing right now surely won't work. See it all the time on here and it just results in guys hanging on while their exes are out **** some other dude. But break ups are a bad sign in any case as couples getting back together are few and far between.

 

Best to plan on this being over for real, and if she changes her mind she's going to have to change yours as well.

[Day_Walker]

Best thing to do would be to get over her. I doubt you will do that but that would be the best thing for you.

[TheLostBird]

Grrr...Its been 3 weeks, and yesterday she IMs me and she says she still loves me, but "she guesses she might not be IN love with me"...

 

What the hell is she saying? Why is she saying that? Does she still think of me or is this a pity thing. Damn it it pisses me off...