I need help with dealing with a break.... PLEASE!!!!

[ashlynn00]

Hi, I am in desperate need of advice. First off, my boyfriend and I have been together 6 months when he sprung it on me that he wanted a break. We are w/ each other every night and talk every night on the phone. PLus we have a class together at the college. HE said it was not breaking up. But we're both in college right now and he feels that I deserve 100% and he's not giving 100% to himself w/ school. He also said he just needs times to figure out his feelings. He cares so much about me and he loves me but he doesn't know if its love that he wants to be w/ me the rest of his life. He says he's just scared because he's never had a girlfriend be4 me, and so he doesnt know how to deal w/ his feelings. I am really scared. I don't want this to end, I really care about him and he would do anything for me. BUt all of my friends in the past have "taken breaks" and it resulted in break-up. He kept reassuring me it was not breaking up, just a few weeks to get his thoughts together to figure out what he wanted. He also told me that there was no other girl and he was not using this as an opportunity to shack up w/ other girls. He just needs time by himself to think. I have never had an ex ask for a break, so I don't know what to expect or what to think. Although, I guess I should prepare myself for the worst? Please help me with any advice you have out there!!! The next 3 weeks will be sleepless, stressfull, and non- hungry!

[Sugar-Rush]

Big Hug babe!!!

Firstly, i have asked my current boyfriend of 4 years for a break twice now, both winthin the first 2 years of our relationship, i have never really considered splitting up with him...i love him to bit and we are planning to marry now, the reason i have asked for a break in the past is because when you are constantly with some1 morning and night, it gets suffocating, not that i don't love him.

 

I used the time i had my break to go shopping with the girls, get my hair done, visit relatives and so on. When i got into bed every night by myself i lay and thought about him, how much i missed sleeping with him warm arms around me and so on...missing him so much made me want him so much more and truly know he was the man for me.

 

Please respect that your boyfriend needs a break and some time to think, it's true that some breaks can lead to permanent break ups. If you have a happy relationship i very much doubt this will lead to a break up, he just needs time to contemplate how much he loves you. Be paitent with hi, give him the time and space he needs. he's not lightly to forget about you.

 

And my advice for you is just try and take your mind off it, spend the time catching up with the friends you've been putting off seeing to see him. Remember what its like to be you and to be happy on your own to feet, i'm sure he'll be back in your arms soon

 

Be strong babe and good luck xxxx

 

Sugar XxXxX

[chai714]

HE said it was not breaking up. But we're both in college right now and he feels that I deserve 100% and he's not giving 100% to himself w/ school. He also said he just needs times to figure out his feelings. He cares so much about me and he loves me but he doesn't know if its love that he wants to be w/ me the rest of his life.

 

He had doubts, acted on these doubts, and it will result in a breakup.

 

Taking a break = breaking up. I've seen this happen too many times.

 

If in fact you're "on a break" consider it to be permanent. It's safer to make your brain realize it because it will be easier for you to accept after a while. Even if he decides he wants you back, there will be doubts in the back of your mind and it will never be the same as before.

 

For your sake, I hope he gets his act together. Good luck.

[Sugar-Rush]

no disrespect, but i don't believe that at all,just because you need some alone time doesn't mean you're going to break up

[RayKay]

no disrespect, but i don't believe that at all,just because you need some alone time doesn't mean you're going to break up

 

I think taking a "break" aka "running away from the problem" is a rather immature way to go about it - it's great it worked out for you, but for most people a "break" is a break-up, and secondly, most people in time realize they deserve more than someone who is going to run away whenever they need space.

 

In relationships, if you don't grow together, you grow apart. It is very possible to have both space and independence/individuality within a loving, positive, healthy relationship. And when there are problems issues, couples work TOGETHER to solve them. Seperating should be the last resort..and with very defined boundaries/goals.

 

Again, glad it worked out for you - but it is not the case for most. Most people when they break, are pretty settled in their decision and want to keep their options open. The OP may be happy, but we have NO idea what he is really feeling...sometimes the surface appearances are not everything.

 

I am curious though - did you two ever work on those issues that split you apart? When you are married, and you are together often, how are you going to deal with it when you feel "suffocated" again? What caused you to feel "suffocated"?

[Sugar-Rush]

i understand what your saying. The issues i had to deal with were personel, my partner knew about them but at the time we hadn't been together long enough for me to accept his help. things are very very diffrent now

[FCTex]

HE said it was not breaking up. But we're both in college right now and he feels that I deserve 100% and he's not giving 100% to himself w/ school. He also said he just needs times to figure out his feelings. He cares so much about me and he loves me but he doesn't know if its love that he wants to be w/ me the rest of his life.

 

He had doubts, acted on these doubts, and it will result in a breakup.

 

Taking a break = breaking up. I've seen this happen too many times.

 

If in fact you're "on a break" consider it to be permanent. It's safer to make your brain realize it because it will be easier for you to accept after a while. Even if he decides he wants you back, there will be doubts in the back of your mind and it will never be the same as before.

 

For your sake, I hope he gets his act together. Good luck.

 

I agree totally. My girlfriend of 1.5 years did the same thing. Told me the same things. We spent almost every day together, slept together, ate together.. Almost joined at the hip.. We love each other..

 

How has it turned out, and this was 7 weeks ago?

 

We're broken up. We aren't talking, hardly at all. We're both out trying to date other people, apparently..

 

Taking a break means doubt. No matter how much love is involved. It will ultimately be a break up, but could always turn out for the best. It just means there are hard times ahead.. Trust issues after that...

 

 

I'd suggest you just let it go, let him do his own thing and you keep from contacting him. Stop meeting up, stop sleeping together.. He wants you gone from the picture, do so.. Be surprised what happens.

 

I wish you the best, I really do.

[ashlynn00]

Sugar-Rush.............THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOU'RE ADVICE!!!!!! It made me feel so much better. Its actually so weird because after i posted that, then my bf called me to ask if he could come over. I said not if he was gona break up w/ me cuz I didnt wana deal w/ it right now. Well he said he wasn't and he came over. We talked everything out and he said everything he'd said was a mistake because not talking to me was killing him inside and he'd do nething for me and is just scared to lose me. I informed him I WASN"T going newyere...........so all is good now!!!! YAYA thanks so much for all your advice though, you are a wonderful advice giver!

[Sugar-Rush]

I'm so so pleased for you babe!

Last night before i went to bed i read through your post again and altough i truly feel the other people had given good advice and true accounts...i really thought your relationship was going to be okay....mayb i'm just fruit loop LOL

 

Really glad it worked out for you babe, stand by him whilst he works out his issues, don't suffercate him, but do explain by pushing you away he won't achieve anything

 

Sugar XxXxX