Maybe Wanting To Begin NC Again, Help?

[zoot]

We've been talking a little here and there, but something just isn't right. Maybe it's the memory of him breaking up with me? Or the words he said? Or the future we'll never have? Or his body language which I can't read, but something just isn't right. Maybe I'm jumping the gun, but each day I feel like why am I even attempting to be in his life now? He's not yet come out and said that he wants to give things another try and I don't think he's even had much of a time to miss me in a proper way, though I miss him everyday. This is just an assumption ofcourse.

 

But...it just feels like something's not quite right, something just dare I say isn't there? Has he fallen out of love with me and he's sure about it now? Maybe.

 

So I sit here and ponder what to do.

 

1) Continue to sit back and take his calls, live my life, but also give things a deadline in my own mind?

 

2) Should I pull back and stop taking his calls and calling him. They have been far and few between, mainly calls, texts, emails and a note he mailed to me. Just simply disappear. I feel slightly guilty in doing this truth be told. Just because he was rude doens't mean I have to be. But in the same sense, it was him who asked for the break. Just remain silent.

 

3) If I chose to do the above, would it be wise to just stop answering OR would one suggest that I tell him that for now I have to take some time to myself. I don't think I'm ready to just say piss off don't ever call me again.

 

I don't know what road we're following right now but I think I just decided that I needed more time to figure things out. And I honestly think he does as well, unless he all ready has...

 

I read somewhere on here, about how some dumpers feel guilty for breaking up with dumpees so instead of fully stopping contact, they continue with light contact to ease their souls. We did have NC for a few months btw. Anyways I just wonder if this is what's happening in our situation. I can't really gage it.

 

I was trying to remember certain things like if he contacted me first or i contacted him first and how many times this happened and i'm drawing a blank. I wonder if he's just responding to contact from me. So I don't know if I should sit back for awhile before I do any of the drastic moves I noted above, and take notice of this.

 

We haven't had contact with one another since the 16th or the 19th - don't laugh honestly I forgot, it was via email. So I guess another alternative can be just to sit back and see if he contacts me first and gage the conversation.

 

Now I know that it doesn't mean he wants to get back with me but...shrugs.

 

Also, I am slightly worried that we could easily fall into the 'friend' catagory. Can I be his friend? My goal is more than friendship.

 

I just don't want to throw it all out there and ask him 'so are we going to get back together again or what?' i've read that sometimes these things take time. And sometime they require a little more patience than not. I don't want to say something that will push him further away. Also, I don't want to be his backup plan. It's just a tough call.

 

LASTLY, if I opt to just step away quietly, but later wanted to come back into his life - would it be easier just to step away or should I tell him i need some time to myself? I honestly would rather him chase me than the other way around b/c I feel like it would be more true. I know that I'll have to work as well for sure but I guess I'm just rambling my thoughts at this point in time.

 

My friends call me the queen of finality. They say once I decide to push someone out, I can do it with ease. It's usually all or nothing with me without the gray in the middle. They say I should just sit back and relax and do my own thing but if I feel like I need to tell him to go away then I should do that but realize by in doing that, I may close the door forever. If I do it the other way, I can leave the door open for possibilities, that I've been changing my mind left and right anyways I should try to be consistant with things. But just step away without saying a word.

 

I guess I just feel weird about ignoring his messages. I feel like if I ignore too many of them, he's going to be like oh she's mad or doesn't want to talk to me and just stop. forever.

 

??

[DN]

I think #1 is the best bet without telling hm what you are doing - at least for now.

[Echo]

Hey Zoot

 

Doing NC gracefully is a feat few of us pull off, but it is possible. As for how to go about it...I agree with DN. I think #1 is the best bet. If he contacts you, reply ...be short, polite to the point, offer NO details about what you are doing. The imagination is a tricky thing. Let him wonder. Be mysterious. Even if you're doing laundry...don't tell him that, just say you have plans. That is the way to get him to "chase" you without having to ask him to. Just start getting busier...don;t ACT like it..BE busy. BE positive....work out, all this will show in your attitude, and people are attracted to that! If he asks you out...turn him down a few times...NICELY, but agree to a later date. Men love moving targets, so don't sit still. Don't tell him you aren;t going to contact him....just gracefully disappear. If he DOESN;T contact you, its up to YOU to decide to make contact. If you do...do it in a non invasive way. The more subtle the better.... Good luck!

[zoot]

I guess my thing is...he WILL contact me. I know this. We're being polite with one another so I know that eventually I'll receive some type of correspondence from him. But I struggle with just pulling up ranks and walking away. To gracefully disappear then, if I don't answer his call...Im not sure that'd be exactly graceful but maybe? Our last conversation was ok. Just weird. Can't put my finger on it but...have you ever gotten the feeling that something just wasn't right? I know he's not dating anyone else but I just am unsure if he's still feeling it.