Making a drastic choice

[TiredMan]

Here is my story : link removed

 

Anyway, I have been talking to her every day and have saw her two times. They were both good short visits in that we did stuff (walk around together mostly) but we didn't hold hands or kiss or anything. But we also both spoke to each other in many ways we always have talked.

 

However, that being said, maybe she is trying to trust me again and it takes time but at the same time, I'm going nuts. Maybe I am impatient. I have been thinking about picking up and just jetting.

 

My family, friends and home situation are brutal and always have been. I have specific reasons keeping me from having a career path (health and other issues). I have thought about just picking up and moving somewhere (maybe Canada?) and just starting from scratch. Yes, I know it's drastic but perhaps it might work? I have always had a place for Canada as I think it might be the best place to live. I would just take any job (I have a degree and all) where there is absolutely no pressure on me from family, her and people I have known a long time.

 

I know it's sort of running away from things but I am beyond sad at this point. Any thoughts?

[Fivek]

"You can run but you can't hide."

[BellaDonna]

Running away/ re-locating will give you a change of scenery- but will ultimately not solve any core issues. They will still persist.

 

I agree that Canada is a nice place to live. My husband has relatives there and we go visit often. I'd move there in a second.

 

However, I think in this case- you'd be going for the wrong reasons.

 

Be careful not to make any hasty, emotionally-charged decisions. Something like this needs to be well thought out.

 

You mentioned in your last post that you were going to talk to a therapist. I think that would be good to put all of this inperspective. Remember, you can ALWAYS move....there's no need to jump right this instant. Take it slow- be sure that your solutions actually address your problems-otherwise you may make yourself feel worse and create more problrems, which I'm sure you don't want.

 

BellaDonna

[TiredMan]

I have been seeing the therapist for almost a couple of months now every week.

 

I know it's running away but I feel so bad, it's beyonnd horrible. And without her by my side completely (as in us being together and thinking about our future), I see how bad it is in every other aspect. I'm not at all happy or comfortable here.

[TiredMan]

The more I think about it, the more I feel like maybe it's a viable choice. The truth is this: I never felt comfortable around my own family because of how they have always been, I never felt comfortable around friends because I have been burned. I did feel comfortable around my ex and when she decided it was too hard for her, it hit me that I'm just not comfortable here at all.

 

But she keeps telling me how she worries about me (both ex and mom) when they see how sad I feel so my thinking is if I just leave, they would be worried but it wouldn't be all in their face like it is now.

[karvala]

I've actually done the fresh start thing in one form or another three times now, although in a couple of those, the move was really for work reasons, and only once did I do it explicitly to remove myself from a difficult situation.

 

Contrary to conventional wisdom, I found that in a couple of instances at least, it WAS actually a helpful thing to do, and I was glad that I did it. I had a relatively happy year on those two occasions. The other one was not as successful, because on that occasion, I had a tendency to sit at home and brood, instead of actually embracing the new place and building a new life, new friends, etc..

 

It's true that it is a form of running away, and it's true that it won't solve underlying issues; I know I still have mine that I have to deal with every day. But it can buy you a breathing space, and help you distance yourself from the immediate negative impact of your situation, and help you build a stronger version of yourself ready for when the underlying issues catch up with you.

 

If it's not going to permanently disrupt or cause major practical difficulties for you, then it is worth serious consideration. If you do it, though, be prepared to make a hard initial effort in the new place to build a new life for yourself there.

[TiredMan]

I understand that but at the same time, the only close friends I have (people I don't fully trust but trust more than others) are both involved in long term relationship or living with their b/f's. They also don't live close to me so if I see them once a year, it's rare. My family is just brutal to me and always have been which is why I'm so emotional. My ex cares a lot about me and still loves me, but not being "together" is making me go crazy. She isn't dating or isn't into dating anyone else but at the same time, I just don't feel the level of comfort I did just a couple of months ago for the past 8 years.

 

So being in a new place where I don't see many people isn't that drastic a change for me. The worst part will the money aspect, or lack therof.

[TiredMan]

I mentioned this plan to my therapist and he obviously doesn't think it's smart. He thinks I should try it first before committing fully.

[acuraman]

You should follow your heart and do what you think is best for you. If you are no longer happy, then perhaps moving will be the best for you. Just make sure its what you want before you do it, because it is a drastic change in your life. Good luck.

[TiredMan]

You should follow your heart and do what you think is best for you. If you are no longer happy, then perhaps moving will be the best for you. Just make sure its what you want before you do it, because it is a drastic change in your life. Good luck.

 

There is no way to know if it's the right choice. I also know it's a huge risk going there with no job or friends or family at all there.

[Fivek]

So why not apply to a few jobs in the area? maybe look for some prospective employment? If you really are considering it you should definetly start looking around.

[TiredMan]

So why not apply to a few jobs in the area? maybe look for some prospective employment? If you really are considering it you should definetly start looking around.

 

I have been looking online. I may visit first. I just want to change my entire life. Yes I have a college degree but I don't want to be in an office environment anymore. The stress was becoming unbearable. I almost want to disappear. if anyone has seen Eddie and the Cruisers II, you would know what I am referring to.