First Love - First Heartbreak

[minnie]

Hi guys im a new member i think u all are great, this website is really cool and is helping me alot.

I would like some advice - please.

 

I had been seeing this guy for nearly 4 yrs, i think we are now broke up. To be honest i can see the relationship was doomed from the beginning and i now believed i chose to ignore the signs. To cut a very long and painful story short, i found out he was married after we went to his hometown i met his mother and family and stayed with them. i also found out he had a 2 children by 2 different women his daughter was at his mothers when i stayed there. Deep down i know she was his she looked like him, and i had a gut feeling. For the past 3 yrs i have been trying to stop seeing him but it never lasts. I have stopped going out with him, stopped accepting gifts from him and stopped calling him. This has been going on for 3 yrs, i have been ignoring some of his calls, and answering when i feel like it. We still have sex. We have no relationship apart from sex now, in a way i know that i have made it that way by only having sex with him and nothing else.

He has always said he was going to leave his wife, but not as yet.

I know he is not planning to, because if he wasn't happy he wouldn't be there , right?

 

I went out to a club and had the worst experience of my life.

 

I saw his wife with her friends, then after a while i saw him. they stayed together the whole night.

normally he would come find me but he didnt.

 

This has opened my eyes, i spoke to him the day after and told him not to call me back, as his actions told me everything i need to know.

 

He has tried to call me twice (in 2 wks)last week and today which is my birthday - i did not answer, but i got an urge and was nearly about to call him which i why i posted this.

i dont know what to do now, i am hurting real bad i know what is happening, but i am disappointed in me mostly, but with him too for all those false promises. i dont feel like i can go on. What should i do when i see him (or them both again)? I really can't believe its over, but its wat i no i should have done 3 yrs ago.

 

I know people says it gets better, but how? I just want to get back to how i was before i met him, i cant sleep or nothin.

 

HELP.

[Tigris]

We've all had a broken heart at some point in our lives so we understand what you are going through.

 

I know it is a hard for you right now but if you want this situation to stop you are going to have to have STOP all communication with him. All you are doing at present is placing yourself in a position where you are getting hurt more. Most people would avoid the places where he goes. That way they have less of a chance of bumping into him.

 

You need to keep him out of your mind. Get a hobby that keeps you busy. Visit friends or relatives. Go to college and do a course. Meet new people. This is what other people do.

 

Good luck and take care.

[Cadence308]

Good for you for staying strong. It sounds like it is best for you not to call him or see him. It will get easier with time and eventually he will stop trying to reach you. You are allowing yourself to be 2nd best to him when you deserve someone who will treat you and care for you the way that you deserve and not have other women on the side.

 

GL!

[rrn]

Minnie, we all can sa€y a lot from experience. But the right thing would be to ask yourself what do you want. From your posting, it seems like part of you still loves him. And he also has some feelings for you. Since you now know that he has a family. It would be a good idea to have a heart -eart talk with him and face to face as to why he did what he did. If he did not care about you, why would he take you to his house without telling you about his family. Maybe he was not prepared to loose you. Some man dont know how to react in situations about their heart and feelings until its to late or when we tell them what we have decided. You can only move on and close this chapter in life if you want to. Do it talk to him, get some answers and then judge. If he was happy in his relationship, he wouldnt have come to you. Think about it.. Often we listen to others and think in a hast, but try to think from the mind for once and the heart later.

[minnie]

i broke no contact, i answered the phone, he wants to talk to me face to face - about what?

 

I put on a jolly voice and just said, not right now. I am not that strong yet and I think all i will be getting is more promises and i just cant deal with that. Anyway i cut the conversation short, before he went too deep on the phone. I thought i would feel worse if i did this, but i actually feel a little better - i have accepted that there are answers i want but i may never get them a least not right now.

 

I am just wondering what to do now. i havent decided yet whether i will go back to NC. One thing is for sure i am not going back there, the posts above has made me realise that i am allowing myself to be used and be second best, i am not doing it anymore.

 

i am really going to think long and hard about the next thing to do here xxx