Our friends are getting married. Just graduated High School

[asdf-u]

2 of our friends are getting married. They just graduated thier Senior year. They took a break from eachother, then they got together and a now they're getting married. Bridget and I are worried that it won't work out and that it is a big mistake. We understand they love eachother and we're very excited for them. We just don't think it is a good idea to be married at such an early age. They are 17, we are 16. Can we have your thoughts please.

[Amannamederic]

oohh yeah, as a matter of fact its almost gaurenteed not to work at that age. Maybe later, but not now.

 

a few reasons:

 

1. money- it puts unnecessary strain on any relationship but if you have no way of making it yet since both aren't done with college and barely out of high school your talking about poverty level stress.

 

2. Age- they are young, chances are they will just want to party in their 20's, and at these parties they will meet hot new people whom they wish they could date but can't because they are married. This creates resentment which in turn leads to fighting and proooobably divorce.

 

3. Parental approval- i know, i know, it shouldn't matter but it does. Who wants to be separated from their family because they made a stupid mistake? who will you fall back on when things seem absolutely impossible? Life completely alone is probably why so many people kill themselves.

 

its just a bad idea imo

[skyjuice]

Hi asdf-u,

 

I agree with Amannamederic.

 

They have not seen the world yet. To add, do they know what they want in life? They perspective may change when they get older. They have not seens the harsh reality of life.

 

An engagement would be more appropriate than marriage at age of 17.

 

Anyway, this is their choice. They made the choice, lets hope that they could work things out.

[darkblue]

I know of a few people that dated in high school and have gone on to lead happy lifes, together!

 

So don't down them so quickly. Of course, at such a young age it's a risk; but it's their risk.

 

I wish them the best of luck; and so should you.

[asdf-u]

I know of a few people that dated in high school and have gone on to lead happy lifes, together!

 

So don't down them so quickly. Of course, at such a young age it's a risk; but it's their risk.

 

I wish them the best of luck; and so should you.

 

We do wish them the best of luck and we want them to be happy. We're just worried and we think that it may be too big of a step to take. They just got back together.

[darkblue]

But it's their step to take. If you were to voice your concerns to them; they'd think you were interfering. Let them do what they want.

 

I don't think you could change their minds anyway, the most you could get from telling them how you feel, is one day you may be able to say "told ya so".

 

It's not worth it.

[asdf-u]

But it's their step to take. If you were to voice your concerns to them; they'd think you were interfering. Let them do what they want.

 

I don't think you could change their minds anyway, the most you could get from telling them how you feel, is one day you may be able to say "told ya so".

 

It's not worth it.

 

Like I said we want them to be happy. We respect their decision, no matter what it is. We're not going to tell them that we think it is a big mistake and try to change their minds, we don't want to interfere.

[xmrth]

I think that the best thing you can do for your friends is to first, do NOT tell them it's a bad idea-- you'll mess with their heads and you may ruin a relationship that may have actually worked.

So what you should do is help them manage what they need to, such as money matters and things like that. Make sure they know exactly what they need to be on top of for it to work. So basically, help them to make it work.

[asdf-u]

I think that the best thing you can do for your friends is to first, do NOT tell them it's a bad idea-- you'll mess with their heads and you may ruin a relationship that may have actually worked.

So what you should do is help them manage what they need to, such as money matters and things like that. Make sure they know exactly what they need to be on top of for it to work. So basically, help them to make it work.

That's our plan. We respect thier decision to get married. We are just worried. We just want the best for them and we're willing to help out in any way we can.

[Cynder]

You don't think it's a good idea huh? You are probably right.

 

My ex bf's parebts got married at 15 and 17. They have been together for 30 some years, but their marriage is unhappy. My x bf (their son) tried to talk me into getting married at that age. I knew better.

 

Early marriages rarely work out nowadays. They may think they know what they want now, but they are both too young to know what they really want. unfortunately no one can make them see that. They have to see it themselves.

[Mysterious Gurl]

I agree with everybody else on this.

 

I would them two get one with it but be supportive for them so that if anything does go wrong (which I hope it doesn't) they know they have their friends to turn too.

 

To be honest getting married at a young age isn't the best idea.

 

Miya

[lillady898]

My mom got married at 18, right after graduating from college. Her and my father are still happily married to this day. It can work.

 

But the thing that I think really differentiates them from others, is my dad already had been through college and had a good paying job. They both alreadyknew what they wanted from life and agreed on many of the important things that need to be agreed upon when getting married. It is unusual to ever find a relationship like that at such a young age.

 

When I was in highschool, my friend was planning her wedding with her boyfriend (whom she was dating for only 3 months). Their motivation was a little different. She met the guy at church and according to them, God told them to. Regardless of whether or not I buy into that (she was never very religious and also always talked about how she just wanted to get married so she never had to get a job...), I didn't tell her what not to do. I didn't agree, but if she wanted to take the chance and potentially make her life a little more difficult, then I wasn't going to stand in her way.

 

Soon thereafter she became changed. Very snobbish, stuckup, and VERY unreliable, like everyone else was worthless. Because of this I haven't kept in touch so I don't know what happened, but I do know that the last thing I remember hearing was that their marriage was "indefinetly postponed." Which if you ask me, is never a great start.

[Hope75]

For some people it works and for others it doesn't. As a general rule I think it's a better idea to wait a bit until they have a chance to experience life as independents, go to college, get a stable career that they can support each other with, but that doesn't have to be an absolute-- they can do some of that while married.

 

Marriage is a risk each time it happens. We go down the aisle with the best of intentions hoping that it will work out, but ultimately that boils down to the efforts and devotion of the two people involved, and the strength and integrity of the relationship.

 

I wish your friends the best, but if it doesn't work out, be there for them. They won't need to hear "I told you so", they will be living it every day.

[annie24]

Yeah, the best thing you can do is be supportive. People get really mad when they think you are trying to break them up. It could backfire.

 

The one (and only!) thing I would say to them is to suggest a longer engagement. After all, if it's going to be forever, waiting an extra year or two won't hurt, right?

 

Chances are, they won't listen to you. People who want to get married don't really listen to anyone else. My mom decided to get re-married to a man she barely knew. She brushed it off as me being jealous, and that I wouldn't like anyone that's not my dad. Not true. I just wanted her to take her time, I don't see any rush to marry a guy she was dating for 2 months. But, whatever. She refused to listen to me.

 

You can also look at it from another perspective... lots of people get married in their 20s, 30s, and 40s, have dated for several years, have money, and things STILL don't work out. With the divorce rate at 50% in the US, they have as much chance as anyone else, right?

 

Wish them well!