firstheartbreak Posted September 2, 2005 Share Posted September 2, 2005 I've lost someone that was very special to me in a mix of mistakes by myself and her. I feel like many that I will never meet someone as special and amazing as her. The feeling is overwhelming. Anyway we dragged out our breakup and now we are not speaking although I fight every minute (it feels like) not to call her and see how she is. It's been only a matter of weeks not talking. I would give anything for another chance but there is just too much history. My question is this.........it's her birthday this weekend. Should I call or not call? Would it make her feel worse on her special day even tho my calling has the best intent. Or is not calling a better idea - will she think I am a heartless guy if I don't? Advice/help here appreciated please?! Link to comment
chai714 Posted September 2, 2005 Share Posted September 2, 2005 Call her and tell her Happy Birthday. Nothing more though. You remembering is what is important, and that is the decent thing to do. Link to comment
DN Posted September 2, 2005 Share Posted September 2, 2005 I agree with chai714 - even if she is not overly receptive you will have done the right thing. Link to comment
firstheartbreak Posted September 2, 2005 Author Share Posted September 2, 2005 Thanks for the feedback. I really appreciate it. I am getting conflicting opinions as some of my friends that think I would be doing it more to make myself feel better than to be showing a nice gesture to her. They think it will just hurt her more to hear my voice. But then they don't know her and were not in the relationship so perhaps that holds less credence. It seems to be 50/50 so far....... I am leaning more to calling that is for sure. But then it would be hard all around to not talk about us. Link to comment
DN Posted September 2, 2005 Share Posted September 2, 2005 It will be a good gesture and may mend some fences. Providing the primary purpose is not self-serving (i.e. as a strategem to get her back), there is no reason why an attempt to heal wounds with a kind gesture should not be made. Link to comment
ehm doubleyou Posted September 2, 2005 Share Posted September 2, 2005 either call her, or just write her an email or send a e-card Link to comment
Lil Eddie Posted September 2, 2005 Share Posted September 2, 2005 Breaking up is one of the worst pains I have ever felt in my life. I'm just starting NC. I know it's easier said than done but everyone is telling me it will get easier through time. I just wanted to forward that to you which im sure you've heard time and time again. In regards to your question. Have you considered buying a card and writing in it instead of calling her. That way it's not awkward for her and It wont screw you up in the inside by getting your emotions all worked up for the good or bad. I hope you make the decision based on what you feel inside.[/img] Link to comment
hoppy27 Posted September 2, 2005 Share Posted September 2, 2005 what if the relationship was short??? say one month?? i was head over heals for this girl and i thought she was for me. well to make the long story short..........she blew me off and i heard for another guy. since she never really said anything to me and just lead me along for a month. would you send someone like this a birthday card?? her birthday is next month...........should i even bother????!!!!!! Link to comment
funnyCAgirl Posted September 2, 2005 Share Posted September 2, 2005 I think that it is really painful to end a realtionship and the only way to do it is by not having contact. It is a great excuse, but if you guys both decided to move on then you should not. You will feel even worse if you call her and she is out or does not call back. Link to comment
Msnak Posted September 3, 2005 Share Posted September 3, 2005 A few weeks ago I had the same birthday---call or not call dilemma. I hadn't talked to the guy I'm seeing in about 10 days but I called on his birthday--also on a weekend--during the middle of the day when I knew he'd be busy. I expected to leave a message and I even figured out what to say. He answered on the third ring. I basically said: "Hi, how are you? I hope you're having a happy birthday! I just called to say I hope you have a good day. I can't talk long. Take care!" He told me, it was cool that I called and he was surprised pleasantly. I felt good because it expressed that I valued him and thought of him on his special day. FYI, he's almost 30 and we'd been dating for 3 months. Wow, this board is so true to my life! Link to comment
Mstyiyd Posted September 4, 2005 Share Posted September 4, 2005 Hi, I will post my reply to this very dilemma. I just experienced the same thing not even 2 wks ago. You can read my post if you want on the Ex b/f and g/f Forum to get a better idea.........but after posting on these boards and talking off my trusted friends' ears off for hours, I decided against calling my ex g/f on her b-day. We agreed about a month ago to "stay away from each other for a while".....and unfortunately her b-day fell a few wks after that. It sucked, because I am not a heartless person by any means but one of the things that stuck for me in not doing it was that we were intimate for 1.5 yrs and in June she told me for the final time that she did not love me, thought i was a great "friend", etc etc even though we "simulated" being a couple,,,,said we were just "the rebound" after she had broken up w/someone after 8 yrs nearly 2 yrs ago. She point blank told me she was devastated she was losing a friend in me bec. that is what she wanted us to be. I CANNOT be friends w/an ex. I realize it is different for every person, every couple, but emotionally and mentally I could not, cannot handle that. So, I made my mental prowess take over and not call her on 08/25. I thought about her, missed her, wanted to call, but kept myself busy after work and did not touch that phone! I felt it would hurt me in the end...what if she didnt answer, call back, etc. I knew I wasn't going to be asked to any festivities she planned and I was ok w/that bec. we are doing NC. (BTW, I think she would have been happy to have me in her daily life if she was allowed to continue to have her cake/eat it too, but i initiated the NC since my feelings were too strong). It was like, excuse me for having feelings for smone I'd been intimate with for nearly 2 yrs...!! Well, the Tueday after her b-day I had to get in touch w/her due to a final cell phone bill........she BLASTED me for not calling on her b-day! I personally was shocked....but explained to her calmly my reasons behind it. I think she was shocked to h$&% and I found out she shared her surprise w/some mutual friends. In a way it made me feel good but only for a minute. She is very self centered and I feel in my situation, I would have been d$&%* if I did it and d$&%* if i didn't. And i remember the hurt and confusion i've been put through for a long time. I miss her like crazy and wished I could have done something for her bday but I had to keep in mind, when was the last time she was there for me? Those are the thoughts that kept me going, even though I would love for us to be back in each other's lives again. NC is HARD!!!! Good luck, everyone is different........i hope it works out for you how it is supposed to. ~ Mstyiyd~ Link to comment
L8RISER Posted September 5, 2005 Share Posted September 5, 2005 If you feel the need to say something on her birthday, then buy a card, write something nice in it, put it in a envelope, and shove it in a drawer. Then sometime in the future, when you are really over things, you can drop by her place and give her the card, telling her why you couldn't call her on the actual day. Or, as the case may actually be, one day you'll come accross this card you put in the drawer, and throw it out, because it just doesn't matter anymore. You have to examine the motivation for everything you do right now. Do you want to say "happy birthday", or want her back in your arms? Link to comment
scottfromoz Posted September 6, 2005 Share Posted September 6, 2005 call them, its there birthday for f&*k sakes, say happy birthday and thats it, if u ever hope of getting back with this person or even attempting to be friends do what friends do and thats wish each other happy birthday Link to comment
firstheartbreak Posted September 8, 2005 Author Share Posted September 8, 2005 Hey there, I'm the guy that started this post. I guess every situation is different but I did end up calling and regretting it. She just hung up when she heard my voice and it felt terrible. I really did have good intentions. Oh well. I guess she was not ready to talk to me again - if ever. Sad but true. Thanks to all advice - I guess it could go either way depending on the people involved. Link to comment
Mstyiyd Posted September 8, 2005 Share Posted September 8, 2005 Oh, I am so sorry Firstheartbreak........that is the worst feeling. Just remember you are so much of a better person than she is and you deserve someone to treat you with the respect you are willing & able to give another. At least you tried, maybe after the sadness abates you will get the "whatever" feeling to keep the NC up. She may call you in time when "she's" ready.....don't fall for it! The gameplaying.......its so easy to get caught up in their crap. Stay strong and know you have support out there. That is why my posting was a bit different from a # of others here,,,,I personally couldnt bear any more (possible) rejection so that is why i didn't......my heart doesnt ache any less today than it did 2 wks ago. Feel better, I respect what you did, you are a good person and keep that in the front of your mind! Sending a big hug and alot of support your way........... Link to comment
Fivek Posted September 8, 2005 Share Posted September 8, 2005 It hurts, but be glad you did it. Hopefully you can realize that she's not worth a blink of an eye if she won't even be grateful for you wishing her a happy birthday! Link to comment
scottfromoz Posted September 8, 2005 Share Posted September 8, 2005 im sorry to hear she hung up mate, that was cold and well, as its been said every situation is different, but u tried so you wont look back regretting now chin up tiger Link to comment
firstheartbreak Posted September 8, 2005 Author Share Posted September 8, 2005 Thanks everyone - I'll be keeping an eye out for all you guys if I can return the favor and offer some advice. Allbeit from someone who has to touch the stove to know it's hot so to speak People on this site rock. Link to comment
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