Nightmare at Fifth Avenue. Need advice.

[Napoleon Bonaparte]

Hello notalone. I am writing because I need help.

Last night I was working at my cruddy retail job (which i just put my two weeks in for so i can move on to bigger and better things) when I smelled something hideous while working in the fitting room.

Now I work in an upscale department store on fifth avenue and to smell something hideous in the fitting room means something must be dealt with to avoid driving away our pretentious upper class customers.

So immediately, being the heroic stalwart dedicated to our brand of clothing and not wanting our customers to instead choose to shop at Saks, I searched the fitting rooms in the VIP section until I found the room where the offensive reek was coming from.

I was obfuscated to find that there was no presense of anything out of the ordinary.

Gasping, I sprayed the room with cologne and was disheartened to fin d that the room still smelled funky. My coe worker also was dismayed and noted that the scent seemed more formidable than even the strongest deorderizer.

And so I, like any outwardly dedicated employee trying to hide his utter ambivalence about my temporary occupation while I am not finished with school, went and informed my manager.

My manager glanced around the room, said I don't smell anything, don't worry it'll go away -- basically leave me alone, I got better things to do.

I shrugged and said, as you wish, and went back to doing what I was doing.

Finally, customers started to complain.

I went back there with my coe worker and we begin by moving a foot stool with a drawer. My coe worker suddenly screamed OMG and dropped the footstool and I let out a gritty bark of what the (expletives).

There in the foot stool (and I know who did it, it was an old woman) was an disprportionately large piece of feces sitting there. Nothing else was in the room. It defied logic. Our bathrooms were clean and available. No other evidence of this foul crime.

Immediately I let out high pitched sardonic laughter as I informed my manager why he should listen to me next time cuz I am usually right about everything.

He looked like he was about to have a nervous break down. The scene turned into a cornocopeua of mayhem as other employees learned of the horrific nature of what had happened here under our very own noses.

When a group of my black coeworkers accousted me and jokingly suggested I was the culprit I said, no I find this appalling, but at least it wasn't wet and juicy, upon which they turned whiter than me and dispersed with expressions that looked as if they wanted to vomit.

Now here is my problem. I can't seem to get this hideous image out of my mind. I am very sensitive to how disgusting people are. As a matter of fact, I wish I was something more evolved, like say a diety, so I didn't have to claim I am a part of the same species as many other people, but now the presense of yet another one of their atrocious markings on this planet seems to play itself out over and over in my mind with nightmarish clarity. Thank God I am leaving that job to work for a politician, but what I want to know is why did God let this happen to me? Do I need therapy now for post traumatic stress? Is there any chance that it could have been one of our competitors at Saks or Armani Exchange?

Has anyone ever had this kind of thing happen to them?

I am now afraid to leave the house.

[atomic]

I would imagine it was just a tourist who strolled in to a rich pretentious store they couldnt afford to shop in and thought "I'll show them".

 

Never the less, reading that has brightened up my evening... thanks for the amusing story and just remember... next time you think you smell poop - you probably do!

[darkblue]

I'm sorry for your horrific ordeal Nap.

 

Thank the good Lord you're leaving this place of work - I don't think you'd ever be able to face the fitting rooms again!

 

 

P.S. Hillarious storyline and fantastically written.

I also couldn't help but uncontrolably laughing at the fourm: 'Grief Loss and Bereavement'

 

I would like to request this as a Sticky!

[BellaDonna]

I am very sensitive to how disgusting people are.

 

Has anyone ever had this kind of thing happen to them?

 

Well I know what you mean because I am very squirmish about things like that- I rarely even use public bathrooms. I think I would have thrown up if I were in your situation.

 

One time my husband and I were in a department store and he had to use the men's room- he came flying out gagging and said there was waste splattered all over the place and an elderly man in there had an accident in his pants.... Apparently when my hubby walked in the old man ripped his soiled pants off- causing the splatters and my husband said the scene looked and smelled hideous so ran out.

 

We noticed a few minutes later while walking through the mall that something didn't smell too right, then I looked down and noticed that there was a mark on tip of my husband's right shoe- and screamed- he was in the line of fire and must have stepped in "splatter". We both felt nauseated and I would not even consider washing the shoes- we just threw them them away immediately and bought him another pair on the spot.

 

At least the guy was in a restroom, and not a fitting room- but it was still absolutely disgusting.

 

Try to think of roses or something pleasant.

 

 

BellaDonna

[chai714]

I am now afraid to leave the house.

 

If you're serious about this statement, first go seek therapy. Then, find a lawyer and you might be able to retire.

[Empathy]

Aha! Ahahaha! Hahahahahaha!

[disEnchantid]

hey,

I work part-time retail in Manhattan too but have fortunately never had something like this happen to me, the only bad odors in the shop come from mold in the carpet when it floods.

As to where your unwanted visitor came from, I have a theory...A while ago I was waiting in a doctor's office and picked up a random magazine and read an article about a woman who was a model and had severe eating disorders which caused her to abuse laxatives. One of the results of prolonged laxative abuse is the loss of ability to control one's bowels (reason enough for me to stay as far away from them as possible). Anyhow, it got so bad that she would carry socks around with her to hide her "accidents" in (I know...grooosssss). It would not surprise me at all if your customer had a similar affliction (we both know how shallow and image-obsessed many upper east side Manhattanites can be).

If you are really afraid to leave your home, I wonder how long you have actually lived in the city, since I see and smell all kinds of nasty things everyday in the subways and streets...It's normal to be offended by fecal matter (inherent response) but think about how janitors and cleaning people have to deal with this stuff everyday and be glad you have only had this one incident!

 

-dE

[Shadows Light]

......how the presense of yet another one of their atrocious markings on this planet seems to play itself out over and over in my mind with nightmarish clarity. Thank God I am leaving that job to work for a politician, but what I want to know is why did God let this happen to me?

 

Well.. Nap..First of all OMG OMG OMG OMG...This is a very well written piece of work. But OMG. You had me rolling in my office. I needed this giggle today.

 

And as to why this has happened to you.. I couldn't help but see the irony of wht happened to you and your pending job working for a POLITICIAN. I guess its FATE telling you to prepare yourself for the BS that you are about to encounter in the great arena of political affairs. LOL.

 

As to your nightmares.. hey.. happy thoughts... happy happy happy thoughts. A cup of chamomile tea...while huddled under a warm blankie sucking my thum.. rocking back and forth comes to mind. Works for me. Try it. LOL.

 

Good luck on your new job. And what a way end your job at the dreaded retail store.. went off with a bang. Thank-you soooo much for the grins in the retelling of your horrific tale. Am laughing with you... for sure.

[Tigris]

I was rolling around laughing as well.

 

It was me who contacted Shadows Light because I couldn't think of anything to write.

 

Good luck with your new job.

 

 

[melrich]

but now the presense of yet another one of their atrocious markings on this planet seems to play itself out over and over in my mind with nightmarish clarity.

 

Wow...wait till you have kids. Now you know what your mother went through.

[MetallicAguy]

Rofl.

[Cynder]

I had something nasty like that happen to me once...

 

It was when I worked at a department sotre too. I was born with no sense of smell, first off... It was a really busy night, and I had to pee really bad, but couldn't get away from my register because of all the customers. While finally I had a free minute. So I hightaled it back to the nearest bathroom and rushed in the first available stoll. I didn't even look at the toilet paper holder right away because I had to go so bad. When I went to get toilet paper I saw a huge turd on top the toilet paper holder. I said (way to loudly) "OH MY GOD!" and started gagging.

 

The woman in the next stoll said "Are you ok?" I told her it was nothing and don't worry about it.

 

That was by far the most disgusting thing I ever saw. There were other incidents I heard about of women leaving pads and tampons on the floor, but I never saw any of that myself.

 

I can't believe some of the crap people pull( no pun intended). There is a toilet right there. Why the hell would you go on the toilet paper holder??? I'm just glad I didn't reach over without looking and touch it. I would have had to take the rest of the night off then.

[SimoneTiger]

Ever changed a baby's diaper?

[Cynder]

Ever changed a baby's diaper?

 

I think it's a little differebt when it's a baby's diaper. A baby can't help it. I'm not a mother but I have changed a baby's diaper (done plenty of babysitting over the years.) Changing a baby wasn't near as nasty as the incident I spoke of, lol...

[Napoleon Bonaparte]

A baby esp one that is your own I suspect is less disgusting then a stranger who is either mentally ill or a complete barbarian crapping in a footstool or deciding to splash it all over a bathroom like a broken pipe from Willy Wonka's choclate factory.

[SimoneTiger]

Good point-- I probably wouldn't have reacted any differently to seeing feces in a public place...