My ex is so jealous, but we're trying to be friends!!

[nygirl79]

Hi everyone. Well my ex BF and I have been broken up for about 4 weeks now. We agreed to be friends because the breakup was "good" and pretty much mutual (his career, stress, where he is in life caused too many arguments, his expectations, we just aren't on the "same page" but still love one another obviously). We also work together @ the same company. We don't actually work together on any of the same projects so our communication is casual, over IM or email and obviously when we see each other in a common room. I have been doing my thing, hanging out with friends, going out, meeting people, etc. I created a xanga journal and have been updating it daily with the things I have been doing. I am doing really well and have been having a really good time, I feel a sense of relief because I really had started to be unhappy in the relationship.

 

Long story short, I have been "seeing" this guy. It isn't someone new, in fact it is a guy who for 2.5 years was unavailable to me, either because he was engaged or because I was w/ my BF. I accepted him as a friend and lost hope that there would ever be anything more, and focused on the relationship i had with my BF. Well, for the first time, we are both single. His engagement was broken off long ago, then finally the relationship was ended entirely. When I met him, I was single, and was instantly attracted and interested, but obviously nothing ever came of it. We became great friends instead. Well the opportunity came. We are both single and have been enjoying one another's company. I dreamed about this for a long time. My problem is, the entire time I was with my ex BF i spent convincing I had no feelings for this person and never would. He was very insecure about my friendship with him (for no reason cuz i never did anything wrong) and he expressed that so much that I felt compelled to make it very clear that i was not interested in this guy. I was with him and in love with him so why would I be interested in someone else!?! Well circumstances changed, I changed, he changed - people change!!! My ex BF got wind that we've been spending a little more time together and now he is furious and calling me a liar and accusing me of making a "fool" out of him. Like all the while I was with him i was in love with this other guy and wishing to be with him when that is not the case. Timing just made it possible for us to hang out more and express feelings we werent able to before. But now i feel like a horrible person. I did nothing wrong to mislead my ex now or when he was my BF. I find myself having to lie about what I'm doing when I am going to hang out with this guy. I know I should be honest but then he will accuse me of lying and probably think I was being deceitful the entire 2 years we were together. There was a time when I did wish I could be with this guy, did I ever think it would happen?? Of course not. Did I wish it when I was with my ex?? Of course not. So why do I feel so guilty now?!?! He said I could meet a new guy who I really like and he'd be happy for me, but the fact that this guy is talking to me now is messed up according to him b/c of some "guy code." this guy is not my exes friend, he's mine, so i dont see how he is breaking any code). Any advice on this would be appreciated. I want to be friends w/ my ex but if this jealousy and stuff keeps up I dont see how! Thank you!!

[djedix]

guys dont like when they know other guys who go out with there exs... especially so called "friends"....

[Mr. Sub]

NYgirl,

 

I can see where you are coming from. Since you two broke up mutally, both of you are entitled to date anymore. Your ex was so sensitive because you said you did like him at the first place. He is just alittle angry you are dating him right after the breakup.

 

But you have to question yourself, whether you had feelings for both men at the same time when you were with your ex. It is different than what you said that you both were occpuied at the time. You shouldn't feel guilty cuz you are dating him now, but I would feel guilty if I had feelings for both. Just imagine during the 2 yrs with your ex, what would you have done if that guy does become single? If you saw your relationship was getting unhappy, why didn't you break it off back then?

[hockeyboy]

maybe you didnt do anything wrong, but if i were him i think i'd be pretty hurt.

 

He was very insecure about my friendship with him (for no reason cuz i never did anything wrong) and he expressed that so much that I felt compelled to make it very clear that i was not interested in this guy.

 

he see's this and now he feels that the whole time he was justified to be insecure about that friendship and he feels that you were lying to him about not being interested in him. did you tell him that you were once interested?

 

personally, i can't really blame the guy, but i also think that the two of you probably shouldn't be friends as this is likely to get only worse with time.