Hidden meanings or Signals?..

[Unchained_melody]

Hi

 

Today my ex called me because he wanted to see me.

Do you guys know some signals that hint that your exlover who dumped you wants you back? or other kinds of psychological meaning?.

 

Today was really strange for me. He kept pestering me saying 'Is he your boyfriend now?' whenever I talk about a friend of mine who's a guy or when I receive sms messages from a guy friend.

 

He also kept tickling me, touching me on the shoulder, on my face and neck, he would stare at me for a long period, he would act like a complete immature kid by poking me, making funny jokes about me or tickling me?.

 

He also called me alot today too.

 

 

 

I didn't do anything to make him like this, I just didn't talk about 'us' and I kept on saying 'Yes' or 'i understand' or faked the biggest smiley happy face ever whenever we talked.

And he starts acting like that today. very strange.

[aries]

Sometimes.....when someone breaks it off with someone...they come to realize that they made a mistake. Sounds like he still has interest.

[Vert]

He could have possible interest, but if he's constantly questioning your current status (single/dating) then my guy tells me he's just trying to keep tabs on you while keeping you single. I've had ex's do this to me after dumping me -- they typically do not like it when you move on first much less after they dumped you. It takes away all of the power they had and felt over you if you're the one moving on before they do. By his actions of physical touch, he is probably teasing you to keep you on a short leash so you'll always believe he still likes you. My ex-gf did this to me until I decided I'd had enough of it. I'm now developing a deep friendship with another girl (who used to be a friend of hers) that I hope will turn into courtship, but my ex-gf has gone totally cold and won't even nod in my direction now. That's fine by me, but it only proves my point -- when you take the power away, the person that did the dumping doesn't like that at all. You have taken away from them what they wanted to keep.

[alphonsefa]

It takes away all of the power they had and felt over you if you're the one moving on before they do.

 

Wow, it was staring me in the face and I missed it. I have an Ex that has left 2 times, the third time when she started her stuff again, was pretty much a mutual break. She would leave but yet always keep the door cracked a hair so she could get back in. When I seen the third time coming I slammed the door so she had no way back. In fact I told her to go away and never call me again, especially when she got depressed, which she so often does. Well 3 months of NC and she called me, I was stunned. I kept the conversation strictly to our careers, no personal stuff. She had told me she interviewd for a Management job, something she's wanted for a long time. So I let 3 weeks pass and then stop by the mall store where she works to say hello; it's on the way home from work for me. Again we had a nice talk and she greeted me with a hug and said, "it's good to see you". We parted ways and I let 2 more weeks pass. I then called her to see if she had gotten the job, and to see how she was doing. I got one word answers and a total cold vibe. To find out that she didn't get the Management job she interviewed for was like pulling teeth. Was it seen as a failure on her part that she didn't want to admit to me? I wouldn't have viewed that way; in fact I would've told her to brush it off. Then she said, "you don't have to call". So I said, "fine I won't call you anymore, I just called to see how you were doing, bye"; then hung up.

 

That was six weeks ago, and it's confused me to no end. Why would someone who constantly threw the relationship away, who called me up after I told her to leave me alone, someone that I would've given the world for and who I was always good to, suddenly give me the total cold treatment. I did nothing at all to deserve it; she's the one that called me back. Even when I stopped to see her at the mall and called her, I never brought the relationship up, never put pressure on her at all. Could what you posted be the reason why? I guess I just don't understand her mindset, maybe I never will. Why the one word answers and the silent treatment? Any input would be greatly appreciated. Not taht it will change anything, but maybe leave me a little less lost.

[RayKay]

Honestly...unless they say "I made a mistake, will you forgive me, and can we work through this together" I don't put much into their "signals" or hidden meanings.

 

Sometimes our ex's may have regrets or still "like us" but unless they actually make an effort to work things through and admit their mistake, they are just trying to keep you close and prevent you from moving on...they can still be jealous of you being with someone else, even if they don't want you back.

 

Don't answer everytime he calls, keep doing as you are and working on moving on. If he comes back and asks for you to take him back, thats one thing, but if he is not doing that, keep moving forward for your own sake.

[Vert]

Sometimes our ex's may have regrets or still "like us" but unless they actually make an effort to work things through and admit their mistake, they are just trying to keep you close and prevent you from moving on...they can still be jealous of you being with someone else, even if they don't want you back.

 

Exactly, raykay. This is what I was getting at -- jealousy over you moving on. It usually works out that the one that dumped the other is more jealous over new love interests for the dumpee. They think "Hey, I dumped him/her! Why are they moving on already?" because frankly, IMO, its a power trip. They like to know they're in control over your life even after the fact, and can't stand it when someone else steals their thunder.

[annie24]

Ditto to what RayKay said. Sometimes they may miss you, or be jealous or whatever, but until they've said, "I want to get back together" there are really no mixed signals. Until he says, "let's try again" he's just a bum that's feeling lonely. People often say, "actions speak louder than words" but in this case, it's really the words that need to be said.

 

Good luck - I hope things turn out well for you.

[Unchained_melody]

Hi Thanks guys for replying,

 

Well he hasn't said anything about getting back together again.

 

But when he gave me a hug, he also gave me a 'pat on the back'. I paused for a moment thinking I'm sure I've read somewhere in this forum to watch out for pats on the back from your ex?. Does anybody know what that indicates?.

 

I told him about this really good friend of mine who is a guy and he still keeps saying 'He's your boyfriend isn't he.' And he seems to be smiling whenever he says it.

And then after we gave eachother a hug he then also says 'Oh better not cuddle or hug too much or your other boyfriend might get jealous.'

 

What on earth makes him assume this guy friend of mine is my boyfriend?

 

I dont show him any form of fullfillment whenever we hang out, i don't talk much either and he realised that and kept asking me' what's wrong? i know there's something wrong?'

I just said oh I'm just tired that's all.

 

When we hugged eachother I also realised he had one hand in his pocket and only the other hand to hug me at the same time giving me a pat on my back.

 

And when I said 'I better go now', i realised he took a deep breath standing up.

 

He also said 'He's calling it Quits between us For now....'

I don't get it, how can you break up with someone FOR NOW..?

 

[Unchained_melody]

Ditto to what RayKay said. Sometimes they may miss you, or be jealous or whatever, but until they've said, "I want to get back together" there are really no mixed signals. Until he says, "let's try again" he's just a bum that's feeling lonely. People often say, "actions speak louder than words" but in this case, it's really the words that need to be said

 

Yes I agree. Well I'm trying to move on, sometimes I am pretending to move on infront of him, but I know I will eventually move on.

 

It was hard for me yesterday when we hanged out together, it seems he keep taking me out to the same places we constantly went while we were together. It's painful! because you remember oh that place where we used to 'kiss' and 'hold'. I want to avoid going into these places.

At the end of the day, I didn't show satisfaction to how the day went.

 

You're right annie, he is literally 'a bum feeling lonely'.

[Vert]

unchained, He is definitely keeping tabs and holding you down emotionally. The guy seems to be hung up on whether or not you have a new bf as this is his motivation behind meeting with you (why else does he keep asking?). I don't know about all of these signals he's supposedly sending because to me it seems as if he knows how to manipulate you. It's tough, I know, but you need to cut him off and do NC else you'll be kept in this rut he's creating for you.

[Unchained_melody]

Hi vert,

 

what do you mean by he knows how to manipulate me?

 

I will do NC. I'll pretend I'm busy working if he calls to want to meet up with me.

 

I know what I'm doing but i want to know what this 'pat in the back' thing means from him.

[Vert]

Hi vert,

 

what do you mean by he knows how to manipulate me?

 

I will do NC. I'll pretend I'm busy working if he calls to want to meet up with me.

 

I know what I'm doing but i want to know what this 'pat in the back' thing means from him.

 

I mean he knows how to manipulate your emotions by giving you a certain hug, talking to you in a certain tone, or even trying to find out about any current "love interests". He's trying his best to keep you somewhat interested in him so that you don't move on. It is a very common tactic for the "dumper" to pull so that their dumpee sits around thinking that they might want them back. Truly, when you get dumped, you are the one that is usually blindsided and at a disadvantage. The other person knows this and sometimes will keep your attention so that you can't move on from them. I stated it before in other threads -- it is a power trip for them to know that they still control you.

[LadyV]

I'm sick of the mixed signals too. I'm with Annie on this one & think that the only positive signals are the ones when he/she says 'I'm sorry, i messed-up, i love you, i regret walking away & i want you back'. Replying to calls, emails & texts etc, & initiating contact for whatever reason can make us get false hope but until the words we want to hear come out, we're just kidding ourselves. I know what it's like, i'm there at the mo & it's hard.

 

Good luck & keep smiling - you'll be ok