How do I intervene before someone gets hurt?

[hotchkiss003]

How do you intervene if you have a friend who lies to everyone she comes in contact with? I have a friend that lies and puts words in everyone's mouths because she always needs to be right and brags about how she contradicts everyone else saying her reputation gives her special privillages to get control over everything that is allowed to go on in other people's personal and social lives if she is around them, she will lie, cut people off, talk over and down to people, interrupt and take over their conversations or lie about them when they are right there to other people so that people only believe what she is saying. If someone disagrees with her on something like her mom asking her if she has laundry or dirty dishes in her room she will talk about it for days or intrude on other married friends marraiges and try to control what they are allowed to say do and how to run their marraige when she is around. If her friends don't want to spend every second of their time babysitting her because they are married, she cuts them out of her lives and has tried to break up friend's relationships or tried to keep them from having a boyfriend in the first place. One of my other best friends she cut out of her life the second she had a boyfriend pointing out everything wrong with the friends life and immediately didn't like her boyfriend but wondered why he didn't like her and complains about it. When her friends who are married invite her along to an activity she talks over everyone and calls them brats if they wont' let her dominate the conversation and only talks about work, I have literally gotten a headache before because she is so hard to follow, she will talk about one story and cut everyone else off, but sometimes she iwll deliberately make it hard to follow because she cuts off her own sentences and starts completely different stories putting parts of previous stories in between trying to force people focus on every word she is saying. I have one other best friend who she tries to turn me against saying that she is a bad influence just because she acts like a normal 21 year old and talks about the friend's husband behind her back, she doesn't like him for no particular reason. When he is there she tries to embarrass my friend in front of him, or tries to embarrass us in front of each other by talking down to us or putting words in our mouths so everything is focused on her. I had to e-mail her to break things off with her and ask her to go back to her own life because I tried to talk to her to her face about it, she just said that she thought her reputation gave her privillages to control what I do with my life, when I told her it wasn't working and she was wasting her time she said that she resented that contradicting me wasn't making me doubt my own judgement and give into everything she said when I am around her. When I tried to talk to her on the phone and ask her please not to try to embarrass me in front of the other friend or cut me off and talk over me she hang up on me, it doesn't matter how I try to talk to her so I had to e-mail her and tell her that she needs to go back to her own life and it wasn't her place to tell me what to do ever and I wasn't going to put up with it anymore. She leads on every guy in town and brags about how she thinks she can get any guy she wants but will not date any of them. The way she openly talks over everyone to get full attention from them and then lies about talking to them in the first place based on her reputation makes me think that she i leading them on, then she talks to the guys about how she has to have everyone thinks she has this 'perfect good girl reputation.' thinking that guys want a girl who thinks will do everything they want, if she sees a friend even having a conversation with a guy she will take over the conversation and cling to them to embarrass the friend and then tell the friend every detail of the guys personal life and will make things up if she has to so she can keep up with her reputation. The way she tries to embarrass my other best friend, I'm afraid that someone is eventually going to end up getting hurt big time by her. I don't even believe anything she says anymore so I quit hanging out with her. She talks so much to keep people listening to her that she forgets she tells people all of her lies and then contradicts it to save her rep just to be talking and thinks if she is not talking about herself she doesn't have anything to talk about. She lies to my other friend every chance she gets and my other friend doesn't know because she is around her often. I've had to intervene before and stop her lies from hurting the other friend, she always does this at important times like when the friend got married, pregnant, she is jealous of the friend because she doesn't have to lie about her reputation. any advice or have I already solved it?

[hotchkiss003]

sorry about the long read

[optimistic person]

you need to tell her out front and tell her she needs to stop that. Lieing is not good, you say one after the other. She lies so frequently this is like walking puting on foot infront of the other and then to tell everyone about it. She sounds very proud of what she is doing. She needs to stop and stop right now and you need to do something about it or not she will get hurt in the future.

 

Who know she might put herself into a situation and can not get out because of that. Talk to her get her (this is a suggestion) to pay you 25 cents to a dollar every time she lies that is what the girl at university does when either of us *beep* we pay each other 25 cents and I am tell you sometimes we go home with extra money but we do give them back. the next day. IT works best before class start so when lunch time she has no money. TRy it if you wish but do something, she need your help.

[CamaroJoe]

my ex gf had a friend like that. once you start lying you can't stop, "read my quote"

 

but, i wouldn't do anything if i were you. there's nothing you can do, whatever you say you can't stop them from lying. They need to go to a psychiatrist or something, because those types of liars can't help themselves. It's kinda like a disease. So if i were you, i wouldn't say anything. Maybe you can get her to go see a doctor or something. But if you tell her that, do it slowly, like mention it indirectly so she won't get offended, because if you offend her, she'll reject you totally and won't listen to anything you say but if she see's you are just trying to help, she might take your advice. g'luck!

[hotchkiss003]

Thanks for the advice, but I don't think not saying anything would be a good idea. I don't let her push me around but if I stick around her for more than a period of a few hours she tries to get aggressive and take control over every aspect of my life and social life. Sometimes she even gets lost on purpose to avoid taking me home and then when I say I know she knows where she is because we've lived in the same area for 20 years she says that she resents the fact when I know something she doesn't have control of, so after that incident when I had told her I wanted to be home by a certain time because I hadn't gotten in touch with my family and my brother was supposed to go to the air port to go on his senior trip and it was kind of important. When we got home after knowing I had to go to the air port she just said 'I'm spending the night here.' Sat down on my couch and started watching movies. If I would say anything she would shout at me for talking even though she had seen the movie multiple times. After that I asked her to leave and didn't hear from her for about a week after that. Then the next time she called me at that last minute and wanted to go to a mall outside of town because she knew I'd been wanting to go there. When we got there she said that she only wanted to go to stores where she would look for stuff for work. When I knew how to get there after she couldn't read her father's directions she dragged me aside and said that she resented it when I knew something that she didn't have control of or that it wasn't something she had planted in my head by trying to contradict me and that I had better let her be right at all times and we were outside of town so she could just leave me by the side of the road. I didn't let her intimidate me and let her know this then she eventually got bored and gave up and didn't mention it. When we had got back to my house she asked 'am I spending the night?' even though she didn't have any stuff with her and she had to work the next day. I sidetracked her and convinced her to stay at her own house. The next weekend my best friend 'Rhonda' called and wanted to do something. I had not told Sara I was planning to do anything with Rhonda and told Sara not to call me because relatives were supposed to be in town. Sara called and said 'I'm picking you up at 10.' When I asked her what she was talking about we didn't have plans she got mad and said 'do you want it to be just you and Rhonda?' when she had never even acknowledged why she was picking me up and no one had even called me ahead of time to say that Sara was coming. Then she hang up on the phone. When I called Rhonda back to tell her that Sara bailed, Rhonda asked why then I said Sara wouldn't telll me. When I called Sara she made up the lie about the work projects. I called Rhonda back, then Rhonda said that she had a headache anyhow (she had just had a kid a couple weeks before) so I called Sara back to tell her, then Sara asked me what I was talking about when I asked her about her plans. Sara and I have been friends for 15 years but lately her behavior is just creeping me out. When she cut all her other friends out of her life over getting married, new jobs, adding a new place into their social calendar, or getting a boyfriend/girlfriend she started this. At first it was just wanting to get together about once a week now she expects me to check in with her for everything. I think this girl is turning into a stalker. After she told me that she resented me knowing things that she wasn't responsible for I started taking steps to getting away from her because that just ain't normal. I have told her outright that I expect it to stop and stop right then or I would be gone so fast her head would spin because this is just not normal, she is so obsessive she's starting to act like a stalker. One of our friends, Naidene, who quit hanging out with her because she got married she stops by the friends house. If the friend is not there she drives around town to her relatives houses asking if they've seen her or know where she is.

[SympatheticLoner]

looks like ur friend is trying to take control of everything. tell her the lying is a very bad thing to do and the more she lies the more depressed and worried she might get about someone finding out the lies she said. If she continues, think about do u want this friend and try to talk her into losing this habit, if not, i think thats about it, there's nothing u can do..

 

Never be afraid of yourself Be proud but not too proud

[hotchkiss003]

thanks, sympatheticloner. that's exactly how I feel about the lying thing too. She called this Saturday but when I didn't want to make plans because I had out of state relatives and they were moving my grandparents around the country to figure out where would be the easiest place for everyone to take care of them and keep in touch with them she said that if I didn't want to make plans whenever she did and do everything her way that she just wouldn't call me anymore when all she was doing was sitting at home watching her sister's dog and said she really didn't want to do anything, even though she was the one who called and asked, so we're no longer talking to each other. I decided that if she needed to control everything even though I had tried to talk to her about it on several occasions we both kind of decided we should quit hanging out. Once I started hanging out with her less frequently until we quit hanging out altogether my other friends started coming around more (not because of this stuff, but they are married w/kids etc and it is a lot of driving) that'll be good because my other best friend stopped by the other day and said that she ran into one of our best friends from high school and said that the other friend wanted us all to start hanging out again, so that'll be cool. luckily the friendship ended without a fallout which was how I was worried it would end if this mumbo jumbo dragged out any longer. sorry if i'm rambling, i have a habit of doing that sometimes