Arguments with boyfriend....

[sheila]

thank you for all your advise. We did sit down last night and worked some core issues out, there is light at the end of the tunnel I believe. We communicated well, listened to one another and recognised each others points of view. I don't think he's really ever done this before so it is new ground but I am confident that this is the beginning of the next stage of our relationship. I feel that there is equal desire on both parts to make this work however our instinctive reactions are very different which is why we misunderstand each other and argue, we're now taking the time to understand what each others reactions mean, I hope I'm right.

 

Thanks once again.

[Tigris]

I'm sorry but I think the friends like you so much they were trying to do you a favour by warning you.

 

If he cheated on his ex by going out with you at some point you're going to suffer the same.

 

A Leopard does not change its spots!

 

You deserve someone better.

 

Good luck and take care.

[hardcharger]

without a doubt, some guys are going to have a "cheating" there entire lives.

[Kurodashi]

My strongest suggestion is to move on, and away from this guy.

I know you DONT want to hear this, but quite often enough a guy will tell you what you want to hear and do something completely different.

As they say, actions speak louder than words.

In Australia especially I have found that most of the extroverted males encourage cheating between each other, and praise each other for it. Its quite shocking.

I must admit with my ex boyfriend, I loved him dearly. We shared dreams and wanted to get married etc in the future.

Little did I know he cheated on me, got a girl pregnant then tried to get into a relationship during the entire 2 year period.

It made me feel sick. When I found out the truth it was too late, all my goals my dreams, my hopes; shattered.

 

So my best suggestion is get out now. I know it might be odd to trust the ex girlfriend over him, but hon I think she has your best interests at heart.

 

As for him and his upbringing. My exboyfriend used that as an excuse too. He tried to play the vunerable little boy, who would simply die if I ever left him.

He didnt. Hes still alive, hes still happy, hes still courting other girls.

 

Just beware hon, cheaters have the gift of the gab.

[RayKay]

In my experience if your GUT is telling you something is not right, then something is probably not right. You need to look at his actions, not his words...and while you may be "different" I am sure it is not the first time he told a girl that. I sincerely doubt he told his partners in the past that "he would cheat on them as they were not that special".

 

Sure, some people DO stop cheating after a history of it, but only once they face up to their mistakes...it sounds more like he is not accepting his mistakes, rather he is just saying "you are different". Well you are, but he isn't. What happens when the shine wears off (as it sounds like it is) and you are "human"?

 

And, yes getting involved with someone when they are involved with someone, is not a good healthy start for your relationship. And bound to lead to insecurity, with good reason.

 

Of course there are chances he really might NOT cheat again. Only you can determine whether you trust him or not...if you don't, you should move on as a lack of trust is a death blow to any relationship.

 

You two really need to communicate - these regular conflicts, in public, which sound disrespectful and attacking, are not healthy. And yes, drinking might be part of it, but also drinking might be bringing out some of those fears and insecurities. You two need to talk, calmly, honestly, with a plan to look for solutions, not to attack or blame.

 

You may want to go into counselling together or separately to learn how to communicate and solve these issues even.

[Miss M]

I've said it somewhere else recently on this board...

When there is GOOD and BAD in the relationship, look most closely at the BAD. We have a tendency to latch onto the GOOD, while rationalizing the BAD. But it is the BAD that will escalate and destroy the relationship.

 

I think all the clues indicate that this guy is nothing but trouble. But the worst villains are capable of starting off with huge amounts of seductive charm. That charm is a necessary component for them to get their needs met, just a carefully crafted aspect of their personality. But it's meaningless because it is only a cover for what really lies underneath.