Being forced in to NC? Possible?

[FCTex]

Okay, some of you might have seen my other thread. If not, read it please I need the help. Otherwise, here's a short synopsis:

 

Girlfriend of 1 1/2 years. We're madly in love, very passionate most of the time. Had a semi LD relationship in the beginning, and got closer and made everything work. Didnt fight or argue much. Spent too much time together, and got a little stiffled and controlling. The latter on my part. Out of no where, but with some warning, she wants to take a break and think about things and whatnot. I tried to bargain, and she said that she needed this, so I respected it. We mentioned that we'd still talk, and such, and see each other, but not very frequently while we did this "break", and even go to an agreement(if thats what you care to call it) that when things returned to "at ease" that we'd try our relationship again, slowly, and get back to the way things were before we got so caught up in it all.. I've even talked to her and asked her to call me in the evening, and tell her she doesn't have too, but if she wants to, she can. She doesn't call. Or she says she'll call me that night, and doesnt. She did that the first day or 2 to me, and now it's kinda strict NC. Now..

 

We mentioned still talking to each other, and the like. I felt like that was ideal, because we could talk to each other, help each other along, and at the same time in the back of my head, I knew I would swoon her back into my arms, and comfort her.. Well, it's been a week(not long, I know) and we've almost had a pretty solid NC started. This started on Sat afternoon, and we saw each other sat night and finished our talk, and cleared some of the air from all the emotions. I saw her Sunday morning at church, and got emotional, we talked some, kinda told each other how we felt, and that we'd like to continue this relationship, but after she gets some time alone.. I was hurt.. crushed by it.. All I wanna do is talk to her, and not feel so blacked out from whats going on with her right now. I saw her Tuesday, and talked/texted while at work with each other. . Hugged, and got a kiss on the cheek from her, exchanged I love yous. No contact on wednesday as far as I can remember. thursday I confronted her about hearing that she was dating someone, which I believe she isn't. I dont see how she could have been, and her story kinda checks out pretty well.. I dont think she'd hurt me like that, but thats another story.. It was a good oncversation. It was over AIM though, not in person.

 

I feel like I'm forced into NC. I want to get back, more than anything in the world. I'd pay, or go indebt 100million dollars times over, to have her back. I'd sell everything I have to have her back. That serious. She seems like she didnt make this a permanant thing, as she still has some of my belongings, and my pictures.. She still wears the rather large promise ring I gave her.. I even still have a key to her parents house(where she lives right now). None of that she asked back, or offered to give back to me.. And the way she talked, she really makes me think that we'll get back, but with time..

 

What gives with all this? It's been 8 days since we've been "'on a break". I've seen her a total of 2 days for a little bit, 3-4 days of strict NC, and maybe 2 days that I cheated, and broken down to text or try and call her. I feel forced into this, and I dont think this is the way to fix things back. Should I just follow along and do the NC back at her, or should I just play it cool, and contact her maybe once a week, or try too at that?

 

I'm at a loss.

[FCTex]

I've been reading over what I've said, and it's eating at me this evening....

 

It's been a week roughly since all this happened, and.. While keeping busy, I can't help but think of her, and I yearn to just talk to her on the phone and smile.. The NC is going to have to be cut off sooner or later, because if we aren't going to make this work, I need some closure for myself. I feel as though I''ve done something to cause all this. And at this point in my life, and this relationship, I've gotten some serious self realization going on that I'm not done with yet.

[FCTex]

So.. I'm feeling down tonight, so excuse me answering my own posts..

 

I called her today after church, bcause she didnt come, and I was looking forward to seeing her.. Wasn't an upset call, I didnt cry. I got a quivering lip and almost a shaky voice when I told her I'm sorry I called but that I miss her..

 

I couldn't help it. It felt good to call and leave that, but yet broke me down a little that it was her voice mail and not her voice.

 

It took everything in me tonight to not talk to her on AIM when she logged on. I put an away message up, and ignored that she was there... I'm proud of myself, but I'm hurting.. I just want her back. I want to talk to her.. I want to smile with her. This NC sucks. It's not how it's suppose to be.

[Satin]

Hi FC....

 

 

I can relate to your pain. I am too having a rough time with NC.

When I see "him" online , I either sign off....or walk out of the room as a way to NOT tempt myself.It is SOOOOOOO hard to not give in, but I know it is SO important. Don;t think you are alone...you aren't. Many of us are dealing with the SAME temptations, and feelings .

Just think of tomorrow...and how good you will feel , knowing you didn;t give in.

Best of luck

[Bounder]

Cant you take them off your contact list without blocking them? That might help with the urge to write them (thats what I did).

[FCTex]

I broke the NC today.

 

I saw her at work, and was surprised.. I was mad this morning.. Dont know why, and I just had to know..

 

We chatted.. She was on the phone with some new guy she met that her and her friends hang out with now.. So I was getting kinda ill about that.. We had a normal conversation... Then I just lost it. I asked what was going on, asked to talk about it shortly.. Pretty much told her I needed some respect from her, and to atleast explain to me whats going on, so i can deal with it. She told me she wasnt speaking to me, to make it easier on me, which wasn't the case.. She then said, she thought we were two diffrent people, and she didn't realize that until she came home from school this summer and we started hanging out a ton. Like every day almost.. nights too.. It sucked to hear, it but to be honest, it was so sweet to hear. I didn't get upset really.. Kinda choked up to hear it and put my feelings out.. I told her that I didn't really agree, but I agree that we're different, but that we both didnt make an effort to appease any of the situations.. I found myself at ease talking to her. I told her I didnt want it to happen this way, and that she wasn't going to do it the easy way and hide out.. She pretty much put it that right now, we're not together, and we're broken up. And that we wont get back together any time soon. She said she didnt wanna hang out and make me think it could happen soon, ebcause she said it wont. She doesnt want a boyfriend, she wants to be out having fun, and not having to answer to any guys, or anything.. I understood it I guess, and said that I didnt want to get back together right now anyways.. We both agreed to chill out and don't really contact too much from here on out, but that we'll be friends, and eventually hang out from time to time, and chat.. Which is fine, we can do it. We'll see each other from time to time anyways just by chance.. She said, that she knows I"m a wonderful guy, and the best she's had, but that right now, she feels as thought we're drifting.. and we're different(in which way, I didnt get to with her yet, but I think our social ways)..

 

Things kept on an even keel though... Not raising of the voice.. No crying.. I walked off telling her I will still love her, and that I'm sorry that this happened. She said the same...

 

We talked about meeting up some time soon, while this is fresh and just clearing the air. It's fine by me, it wont upset me anymore. IN fact I think I got past being upset.. I'm just kinda hurt that it went like this. I'm just upset to my stomach a little.. i feel alone some. I'm excited to give it some time and try again, and go back out lookin and having fun. I've learned alot from all this, and her and about myself.

[hockeyboy]

Stop contacting this girl. The more you contact her the more your going to hurt and the more your going to push her away. We want what we can't have...she knows she can have you. You can't have her..that is making you want her more. Show her you can be independent...keep yourself busy.