Living Life after Sexual Abuse

[Tat2DGurly]

I was sexually abused several times throughout my life and I am now finding myself wanting to seek professional help. I recently got married and find that at every twist and turn I am questioning my husband. I know that I am driving him away from me because of my accusations. It has gotten to the point where I am afraid to go out in public with him because I don't want to be there when he is eyeing another girl. Not to long ago we went to this club and he was checking out this other girl and I flipped out on him. The thing is, is that he just glanced at her but in my mind it was worse. I didn't think anyone knew how I felt and I came to this forum and read what others have written here and I finally feel like I am not alone with my insecurities and not being able to trust people. Especially men. I have anxiety attacks all the time and I am currently starting on Paxil but it doesn't seem to help much. Is there anyone else out there that has these experiences in their relationships and have you been sexually abused? My first counseling session is Monday. I'm nervous but have the hope that it will help me and my husbands relationship.

[bzborow1]

My now exgf was sexually abused by the guy she was with before me so I have an idea of what you are going. She too is on Paxil and suffering from depression and anxiety attacks. Have you told anyone about your past? Have you told your husband? Because I know it's almost impossible sometimes to tell people you care about what has happened out of shame...out of thinking people will form wrong opinions of you.

 

It's a long process, it's takes time...but I'm really glad you've decided to take life into your own hands now by going to see someone about it.

[taken]

i have only told very few people about this , but i figured since you have gone through the same thing i might as well.

i was with this guy named david for a while. we werent dating just really good friends. i trusted him. we would fool around sometimes. not having sex but just fooling around.

one day i went to his house and he sexualy asulted me. he was on top of me and he is like three times my size. i couldnt get him off. he was feeling all over me. i know it may not seem that bad, but i was thirteen. it was really scary. i didnt know what to do or how to react. i was truly petrafied. the only thing i did was say, "david!" he let me go. i ran inside his house and stayed really close to his dad, so he wouldnt do it again. i never let a guy touch me after that day.i never kissed another guy until i was 14 1/2. it is a really scary thing.

it seems like after something like that has happened to you, it keeps happening. guys have out their hands down my pants, forced me to kiss them, and they try to grab me all the time. i have panic attacks sometimes when i am alone, and i see someone that looks lke him. i was at a pool and i was swimming. (it was a wave pool) i thought i saw david, i couldnt breathe and my chest started to hurt. i was aching. i couldnt come up for breath. i finally got up for air. my friend said , "brittany you just turned white! what is wrong?" it scared me to see him again.

i know this kinda stuff happens a lot. you just have to learn how to forgive the person who did it to you. trust me your life will be so much better if you do. i hope my story has helped you. good luck monday.

[temptedflirt]

hey... i know exactly how you feel.. i am only 16.. but by the age of 13.. i had been raped.. and last year on the school bus i was sexually abused.. in front of everyone. it was all denied... and yes i DO NOT trust my boyfriend of 8 months .. he is my first love.. (i even dated a guy for 2 and a half years and never loved him)... and i make wrong remarks.. i yell at him when i see a number on his cell phone. i yell at him if hes WORKING with a girl at work.. i yell at him if hes late. hes says i will never drive him away but im scared that im going to drive him to cheat on me.. because i know in the past i have been told that i was cheating. and then gone of and did it... i dont have much advice because i dont know what to do myself at all. i feel helpless and as if im going to lose him.. and i think i'd die forever if i lost him...

maybe you could e-mail me or something and we could talk about this.. and help each other out because im really scared. and confused..

[punkin]

youneed to be true to you and treu to your man! you need to remember, however hard it is, that he is not your attacker!! i myself was abused when i was younger, once by a b/f and another time by a neighbor/babysitter. it is something that is difficult, it has been nearly 20 years now, and i still project my feelings onto my relationship....of 7 years. just try to be true, and give yourself time!! there seem to be a lot of people out there that are in your shoes, take some time to chat with us!!

[SunnyScott]

Your first counsiling session will help you dramatically. You'll gain a stronger perspective of who you are as a person.

 

In terms of trust, if your intuition tells you something's wrong with your marriage, then, you need to get him to go to counseling with you.

 

Whatever it is, he has to understand that things aren't going to be easy for you.

 

Continue counsiling. and stay away from places like clubs, that's where you'll meet more predators.

 

I hope that everything will turn out okay for you. Take care of yourself, nourish yourself.

[ami]

I just wanted to let you know that I've been there and done that...but guess what? It does get better with some help. I have been to a counsellor with my husband because I couldn't stand the thought of him touching me in certain ways just because of being abused when I was younger. I also didn't like him working with girls...I guess that I expected him to cheat on me or hurt me in some way...why not? Everyone else that I loved or trusted did.

 

Just know that we are doing really well now and have a one year old son, Ky. We have a great relationship and we have been married for 5 years in July. We have worked hard through the tough times, but it was all worth it! Keep your head up, girl!