Am I sending the wrong message?

[Flora]

Time and time again I make "friends" with guys only to find out that they are interested in more, and thought I was too. I guess I have no idea how to be upfront and let them know that I am only interested in being a friend.

 

For instance...this guy I met is really fun to hang out with. I had mentioned how I wanted to find a new job and I thought I might try and get a job where he works. He said he would put in a good word for me and then suggested that we go there and eat and he would introduce me to his boss. Sounded like a good idea to me--I had been wanting to eat there for a while. So...we went and it started to feel like a date. He paid n'stuf...and I was like...no no don't do that. So we went out for drinks after that and talked...then another time we hung out and went for milkshakes jsut talking bout stuff. Last night I gave him a ride home from a friends house. I didn't want to leave yet, but he had rode there with me and my other friend and I didn't think it was fair to make him walk home. When we got there--things got tense and he tried to kiss me. At that point I had to make it clear my intentions and I could tell he was embarrassed and hurt. He has lots of girl "friends" I figured I could jsut be one of those girl "friends" . I feel horrible about it-- Should I have assumed that going to eat where he works was a date. Sh ould I have assumed that just talking over milkshakes was a date? He told me he thought they were. Ugh...

[Day_Walker]

It seems to be the case that guys at a certain age arent really looking for female friendsm unless they arent attracted to you. I think you just have to be real about the situation, him paying for dinner and drinks afterwards was a big sign. Its a difficult situation but you just have to be clear with your intentions and if a guy steps over the line let him know. Situations like this are just going to happen.

[djedix]

I think alot of guys, when they get a girls attention, they take it as if the girl might have a thing for them

[blueyes25]

I have no advice, but I can say I have been in the same boat. I just went through a breakup and am not emtionally available to anyone right now - which makes me incapable of having or wanting another relationship. All I am good for is friendship and maybe a tiny bit of flirting - I actually tell guys this, but they don't listen...that sucks b/c I am a cool person and really just need new friends - not boyfriends - just platonic friends....I am starting to wonder if these types of relationships are even possible with guys at our age...does someone always have to want more? Is it even possible to just be friends with the opposite sex? I don't know for sure, but I know there is a very fine line...

[tiger_lilies]

I think that most guys, when they become friends with girls, chances are that the guy will always want more than just friendship. That's just how the game is played. It's up to the girl (or person who's being pursued) to clarify the relationship. It's easier said than done, I know. But in order to ensure that someone doesn;t get hurt, it must be done!

[Cecelius]

Men are conditioned to make an attempt whether the girl is into it or not -- most women do not make it clear that they do or do not want a particular type of attention. The only thing that matters is that he finds you attractive.

 

On boy advice boards, when a boy posts a question that sounds like "welll, I took her to dinner, and she seemed friendly, and she gave me a ride to a party, etc. -- does she like me?"

 

The universal answer from dudes is to stop looking for subtle signs and make a move.

[RayKay]

I am not sure if you are sending the wrong signals, but you are allowing some things to happen that you should see that from their point of view may be seen as initial stages of dating.

 

If you do not want to send mixed signals, you have to be upfront from the start. Yes, it may mean then they choose to move on, but then it does not leave you both feeling confused about what happened.

 

Also, maybe part of the issue is that if you are single, be open to dating and giving people a chance, I am not saying if you are clearly not interested do so, but you never know who might steal your heart

[Flora]

I guess I agree with you RayKay...but on the otherhand I too am a bit emotionally unavailable. I just got out of a messy break up about 6 months ago and I haven't been able to forgive him or myself. I dated one guy that I had an insane crush on. I had hoped that maybe it would manifest into something wonderful, but inevitably he ended up just walking away from it. I was a conquest to him...mission accomplished. I've seen this guy geting super friendly with two girls over the past week alone. I realize that this is a clear sign that this guy was no good, but as I said the crush was overwhelming and I had to give it a shot.

 

I don't want to get hurt...I can't deal with the pain of rejection right now...I let it happen once already, far too soon after the breakup with my Long term relationship. I am really just wanting to make solid friendships with people. I would be open to dating someone...if and when they knock my socks off..but man oh man that would take a lot at this point.

[jayrene]

HE PROBABLY THOUGHT BY YOU SPENDING ALL THIS TIME WITH HIM YALL COULD BE MORE THAN FRIENDS

[Portia]