was this just a drunk thing?

[lara78]

Ok so a week and a half ago (not this past sat. but the sat before) I got to a party. There is a guy there that i remember meeting back in march. I notice that he notices me right away and he says hi. He comes up to me after a bit, makes small talk and offers me a drink, he was being flirty. I thought he was cute, but wasnt blown away. So i saw him at certain times during the party, it wasnt like we talked the whole night away, but each time he saw me i was without a drink so he'd get me another-he probably got me like 3

 

after this party we went to another-i went with my friends and he was there as well. We talked more, then he asked if we wanted to go back to his place to hang out. I just said well i dont know, i'm just doing what my friends do. He asked several times, then he asked if he could drive me home. I said i was going with my friends. He was adamant about continuing the night with me. Finally i leave with my friends and he pretty much runs after me. I have to admit i was attracted to him and he seemed nice (guess you had to be there) so i went with him. I said something like, ah you just want to hook up, he was like, no i dont that's not what it's all about. I said, what ever happened to a guy just asking for a girls nuber and calling the next day. He just said, well that can happen to. So we went back to my place, ended up making up and fell asleep.

 

The next day he stayed for like 3, 4 hours, talked made out, cuddled, it was cool. I felt comfortable (my friend dates his friend so i guess i didnt think of him as a complete stranger esp since i'd met him before) So when he was leaving he called my phone and said, there i have your # and you have mine. He kissed me bye and said, i'll talk to ya. He ended up not contacting me until the following thurs. I was kind of thinking that he wasnt going to call. But he ended up texting me, we texted back and forth until friday me being the one to send the last text.

 

Saturday comes aorund and i had planned to go to a party. He calls me that day at 2pm, but i dont get the message till 5. I call him back, get his voicemail, then he doesnt call me back. But my friend told me he'd be at the party. i go to the party, he's there. He and i talked, but his friends were there too so he was talking to them and playing beer pong. I said to him jokingly, oh i called you, but you didnt call me back. He just said, oh because i knew u were going to be here. I ended up playing beer pong too-and got quite drunk. Too drunk. My friends left, i stayed, then i remember talking to this guy i hadnt seen since like 7th grade. The way that i was talking to him i'm sure came off like flirting. Then i started complaining that i wanted to leave to this other guy, he said your friends just left, why didnt you leave with them? THen he was like, because you want to go home with him. So then i complained to the guy i liked that i wanted to leave and told him that i was just going to take a cab. He said he didnt want me to take a cab and that he'd drive me, so he did.

 

We went back to my place and ended up hooking up. did more than i would have liked. We didnt have sex, but it went pretty far. Next morning not really a heck of a lot was said about the night before. He said at one point that once we left i made it sound like he made me leave and then i told him he was being rude. I think i did feel irritated at the party at him not talking to much and just playing beer pong...but i know i messed things up by being drunk. I didnt handle myself well. So we ended up making out a bit that morning/cuddling. He left at noon. I was stupid when he leaving though. First i told him that i didnt want him to leave yet, then i told him that if he really liked me he'd stay (UGH!) He just cuddled me a bit and said, what kind of crazy talk is that. Then when he was leaving he just said, talk to you later? I said yes. I told him i'd walk him out and as he was going down the stairs i said, so are we gonna hang out again (again UGH!) he just said, yeah i'll talk to you later. He gave me a nice kiss goodbye though.

 

The more i thought about it during the day the more guilty i felt. I worried that maybe i had been flirting too much with that other guy...i didnt mean to be flirting, but i think it came off that way in my drunken stupor. I was confused from the get go though on what the guy i liked wanted from me though. i didnt know if he was really interested..or just looking to hook up. I sent him a text sunday evening that said, hey sorry if i was annoying last night. He wrote back, dont worry about it, you werent that bad. Then i wrote, thanx, i felt like i was kind of obnoxius, i still had fun though. He did not write back...it's hard for me to read into this as to what is going on. Perhaps he is never going to contact me again...perhaps he would this weekend...i havent a clue. I figure, ok maybe i was annoying that night, but he still came home with me. I'm upset...because i do like him. Theres' really nothing more that i can do though. I dont want to contact him again. Advice?

[slave2love]

Hi, the only thing I can say is this.........he must like you to have been jealous of you talking to the guy from the 7th grade, but I am not sure that he is looking at this as a relationship....otherwise he will make more effort to contact you and meet you in places other than parties......

 

The fact that he doesn't call often is a sign to me that he probably just wants something casual......are you up for that???

[lara78]

well i dont know that he was jealous. he did ask the next day what was he saying to you, but he didnt say anything that lead me to believe he was jealous. but the fac that he said, 'werent that bad' in the text led me to believe that i must have done something to irritate him. yeah i'm guessing he's not looking for anything other than casual esp after the other night. The first time we hung out though he told me that he had asked about me when he saw me in march. So he must have had interest in me to ask about me. Then, not to sound conceited but he was kind of throwing himself at me the first time we met...i mean do people do that just when they want something casual? maybe. whatever the case, i think i messed things up this past weekend...I dont know if he'll contact me again.

[lara78]

does anyone else have any insight?

 

My friend who is a guy said, 'if he was a decent guy, he'd have called by now'

 

I guess i have to agree...I'm just mad at this point. i feel like there is somethign wrong with me because he didnt call...like i'm not good enough or something...he is not that great himself and i'm not just saying that because i'm mad now. In the beginning i wasnt that into him...

[Jaela]

If he's interested, he will pursue. Let him come to you and if he does call again, I would suggest meeting together some place where alcohol won't be involved. I didn't get a clear idea of what you are looking for with this guy. If it's to eventually build something serious, getting drunk and then hooking up probably isn't the best way. Good luck and let us know what happens.

 

By the way, there is NOTHING wrong with you. Some guys are just playing the field right now. He may just be looking for something 'fun' and 'casual'. It's up to you to set boundaries with this.

[lara78]

thanks, well i still havent heard from him...i feel kind of upset about it. Last week he didnt contact me until thursday after meeting me sat, so i guess there's a chance he could call tonight. I just feel that if he were a 'decent' guy he would have called sooner. But maybe he wont call at all...i kind of dont get it. How can you hang out with someone twice like that, let things get pretty far, stick around that morning and then not even contact them again? I did send a text sunday evening and when he left i basically told him i wanted to hang out again...i cant do anything else. It just hurts, it's not like i'm emotionally attached to him, but his not calling feels like a slap in the face. It's rejection...but i guess i put myself out there for it.

[lara78]

hmm i guess this board doesnt get many hits? or am i just unhelpable, lol

[Jaela]

well, i'm not sure how to really help your situation since things went pretty far with you two. You could call him and tell him you'd like an opportunity to sit down and chat with him. Maybe suggest meeting over some coffee or dinner. If you have things to get off your chest, tell him.

 

Personally it sounds like he had his 'fun' and now he's pulling the amazing vanishing act with you. Some guys will just do this. If he was serious about dating, he would be in contact with you. I would not accept any late night calls from him, or meet with him while you've both been drinking. It seems like this situation has affected your self esteem. Please believe that the right man is waiting for you. Don't sell yourself short on some lame guy who is willing to take what he can get and run. You don't deserve the agony of waiting by the phone for Mr Loser to call when he's good and ready. His life is obviously going forward, so get out there again and meet more guys! And remember, set boundaries for yourself so you won't find yourself in this type of situation again.

[slave2love]

Hi Lara78..........

 

Sorry to hear that he still hasn't called....... But I will have to go with Jaela on this one. Although I am female, I have played the field in the past (but I was recovering from a painful relationship) and YES.....I have just wanted something casual from the beginning, but the trick is not to disclose that to the other person......as they may not wish to participate......even if that meant I had to break a few hearts on the way.

 

I must say this though.......most of the guys that I did this to were innocent/decent guys. They genuinely liked me but I was not ready for anything serious.....the fact is, I didn't feel less of them and although I 'made sure' I never saw any of them more than twice.......I still respect them. It was my game.......just like it probably is his time to play.

 

My advice is this......get out there.....it aint easy, but we all have to do it one time or the other.......as like Jaela said, Mr.Loser will only end up hurting you in the long run..........GOOD LUCK!!