I cant deal with gf's past

[Pash]

I have been going out with my gf now for 6 months. We have an amazing connection. She is my first gf and i am still a virgin. She on the other hand has had a bf a year before me. I have learned that she has had sex and pretty much done it all with him. When i ask questions she says that its between her and him. That nearly kills me. I cant deal with her past relationship. I have a million and one questions. Everything from her first time to what happened in their relationship. i feel like there is a big black area that i dont know about her. It churns my stomach just to think about it. I love my gf so much and it kills me to think of her with him. i feel that if i find out some detail then i can deal with it and get over it. But right now the questions are keeping me awake all night. I feel sick. Is this my problem that i need to get over it? Or is it not asking too much that i know the details and talk to her about it? I just cant cope with it as is. Any suggestions or anything will be greatly appreciated. Thanks for reading...

[heloladies21]

I was like this with my first gf and it tore us apart. You really should let it go or else if the relationship ends because of this it will be all your fault. And you don't want that i'm sure.

 

Her past is the past and has nothing to do with where you 2 are right now. It's just not important.

[sweetheart4ever]

Well one thing is sure, the past is the past, and thats true, but the least she could do is make you feel better..but..listen to me on this.

 

Something could have happened there and it hurt her, and hurt her bad...and the slighest thought of it can kill her totaly..

 

like this__this guys has a girlfriend, not a virgin he wants to know about her 1st time, it was rape, she wont tell him, she looses him and has the reminder of the rape in her head....

 

im not saying thats what happened im just making a point..see what i mean? past is the past.

[Jaela]

Hi Pash, I know it's difficult but it's something you need to gain a more accepting outlook on as you age and mature. My first love had been with over 15 girls when I lost my virginity to him. It is of course always painful to think of our love sharing those kind of moments with someone else. At the same time, she is with *you* because she loves and cares about *you*. Her past are her experiences that have shaped her into the person she has become today. She has every right to keep those moments private because they have no relation or indication on yours and hers relationship. My ex bf kept the details of his past very quiet, unless I directly asked him a question, and then he figured I must be prepared to hear 'the ugly truth' if you will, since I was asking. And you know what? Some things are better left unknown. He would never cheat on me, and he loved me tenderly, and that is all I needed to hear.

 

Instead of dwelling on other person's past, it's better to respect it and realize that it is not what is happening now, and it shouldn't be affecting yours and her relationship. Please remember that she loves you, and you her. Dont let her past cloud that for you both.

 

If it really is driving you crazy, be open with her about it and I'm sure you'll discover your answers. Just remember, some stones are best left unturned. Good luck.

[suprema99]

I agree with helloladies, she currently is with you. Why bother bringing up her exe's. In my opinion, it just brings up maybe bad memories for her or just plain memories in general. She shouldnt really talk about her exe's either if she's with you.

[annie24]

Yes, like the others said, you have to let go. Would it really help you to know every sexual thing she did with her ex? The day, time, place... would that really ease your mind about the "gap?" No, it wouldn't. As a woman, I can say that when I am dating a new guy, I can hardly remember the names of the guys before him, much less anything we did. She probably doesn't want to talk about it because the past is in the past - over and done with.

 

Remember, she's with you now! I think you're going to have to learn how to get past these feelings, because as you get older, you can't expect that all the women you meet will have no other men in their past.

 

I'll say it again - she's with you! If he was so great, they wouldn't have broken up! Have more confidence in yourself. Good luck

[sweetheart4ever]

past is past, n like in that song, i know its for girls point of view but still it says

 

"She was night n im day, im not her, dont get us mixd up, trust me. im not her" YOUR NOT HIM!!! BE HAPPY YOU GOT HER DOOD!

[Pash]

looks like your all in agreement... That is what i am hoping for... that i can get over it and it not bother me any more... I hope I can accept it... Maybe i never will but at least able to cope. I think that if i had an ex i would be able to understand it better... Like relate... i think it is harder for me being that she is the first person i ever loved, first gf i ever had, first girl i ever asked out, infact first girl i kissed. So i have always been hers. Never anyone elses. Plus her ex was a sort of friend of mine... I hung out with him but i hate him and this was after they went out but before i knew about it. I already disliked him so when i hear about them i cut him off that day and never spoke to him again. Im not making escuses but rather seeing why this is so increadible hard for me to deal with. I know she is going through alot... I know it wasnt a good relationship. I dont want to hurt her...

[annie24]

My guess is that you feel insecure because she is your first everything, and you aren't hers. But, that does not make you any less special, or your relationship any less special. We all make mistakes, and one of hers was dating that guy before. Maybe not so much a mistake, as a learning experience. Yes, like you said, the previous relationship wasn't good. If it were good, she'd be with him, and not with you. Never forget that.

[suprema99]

I agree with annie, Don't worry about a thing unless she really wants him back. Asking more questions about her past relationship to this guy serves no purpose. She's with you now.