What to do about the rumour mill

[cremebrulee]

A little confused as to what to do about this situation. After coming out of a serious committed relationship (i.,e. engagement) all my friends were telling me that I should just go out and have a fling with someone that I like, even if it was only one night…… their idea of moving on I have only ever been in 2 long term serious relationships and didn't really date in-between, and have never casually dated. But I hooked up with someone I had known for 5 years and who knew my relationship style. I don't know whether it happened because I was at a vulnerable stage right after my break-up and he used it to his advantage or if it was my friends idea of moving on that let me go down that road, but it was only one night and then I decided not to pursue it any further and write it off as a mistake. i have never done anything like that before and probably never will again.

 

I figured that because I had known this guy for years and been friends and work colleagues in the past that he would have the decency and respect to be discreet…. But I just heard from someone at my old office (who I still have business dealings with) that there is a rumour flying around about me and this guy and now a bunch of guys from the office are asking me out (obviously because they think I'm some kind of easy target). I don't know the specifics of the rumour and I tried to call the guy once to ask his side but he didn't respond to the call. I am furious because I still have contact with all these people that are hearing the rumour and laughing at it (and most likely passing it on at the water cooler to everyone else). Not only is this damaging to my reputation which was squeaky clean up til now but it could potentially damage my future business dealings as I will not want to deal with this firm in the future or regain employment there.

 

My gut instinct is to just ignore this and tell people that if they believe what gets said then bollocks to them but I also have a fear that the rumour is negative or more detailed than I would like (or god forbid secretly taped or something awful like that). The fact that someone I knew betrayed and disrespected me is bad enough but how do I deal with all my business associates (including some that are personal friends and some that know my ex-partner) buying into all of this gossip and laughing behind my back. I've never been good with embarrassment (I'd prefer to move to another country) but as much as I'd like to rip someone's head off over this I am unsure what the best course of action is, if any. Any advice?? Anyone else out there experienced something similar??

[annie24]

Hi - Sorry to hear about this. I've had plenty of rumors spread about me, true and untrue. It's just people not having lives of their own, so they talk about you behind your back. Just ignore them. Don't lose your cool. If someone propositions you at work or whatever, I would say something like, "Yeah, I charge $100 for each half hour." And walk away.

 

Forget them. Don't fan the flames of the gossip. It will die on its own until the next "scandal."

 

No worries, ok? Take care

[suprema99]

Here's the deal, by having a nice image before which you did, you made a mistake by listening to your friends. You went by what they said, cause it sounds like you had a different opinion. By calling it a mistake to hookup with that guy. That same guy, maybe liked you and got hurt now, so he's spreading rumors around in his favor to protect his image. Or he's just gloating and has no respect for you. Either way I would take a close look at this guy you known for 5 years.

[Mun]

I would handle this the same way Annie suggested---with humor and then let it be.

 

They will probably start gossiping about someone new in a week or two. Also, the less you pay attention and get visibly flustered by what they say the less "fun" it is to spread things about you and people will generally give up after that.

 

Handle it with class

[cichlid]

Way back when some girls that didn't like me spread a nasty rumor that I was a lesbian. I guess they thought so because I was a huge tomboy. Anyway, this guy I thought was pretty cute came up to me and asked if he could ask me a question. I was all like, "Ok, no problem, go ahead." He then was like, "Is it true you are a lesbian?" With this expression like I was a freak. Of course, I laughed and asked if he believed everything he heard. That stopped that rumor pretty quickly. Anyway, the point is don't let it get to you. If someone approaches you about it, just act like they misheard or joke about it. Rumors and gossip don't last long. The stories get old quickly...especially if no one believes it.

[loveydovey]

Woah, what you just described sounds just like with me. Except, I haven't specifically heard any rumors about me, I have this feeling about it. I have learned thought, that it's best to just let it die down; like someone suggested, they will start talking about something new in a little while. And if you live in a city like mine, things WILL move to something or someone else.

 

I had a good image where I'm from, and I probably still do for all I know. The only thing is that a few people probably know just a tad bit more about my personal dealings than I'd like to know. Just let it go and remember that just because we may know someone for 5 years, doesn't mean we "know" the character of that person in every area of their life (at work, with buddies, with family, etc...)

[smallworld]

Ouch. Ok you don't need a lecture, but for future reference several points jump out at me.

 

#1. When you're vulnerable, don't jump into a fling or a relationship. Take some time out to sort through what just happened. When you jump from one relationship to another, you're more emotionally vulnerable and likely to hurt yourself and others. It's good to go out and have fun, but giving your heart some time to heal before you date again is important.

 

#2. If you're going to have a fling, don't have it with a work colleague. Flings are called "flings" for a reason. You don't want them to come back to haunt you.

 

#3. Like Annie said, laughing off rumors is the best way to undercut them. I know it'll be tempting to hit back, but don't. Take the high road. Sooner or later everyone will know that no matter what you did or didn't do, this guy has absolutely no class and isn't worth trusting. The fact that he never called back tells you more than you need to know about him. Let him bring himself down.