She moved out

[avoj]

It's been about a month since we broke up. We tryed living together, but she was never home and was talking to some bi-sexual chick all of the time. I started freaking out. I didnt want this. Finally on Thursday I found out about all the lies I kicked her out at 11pm thursday her mom had to come get her.

Now she wants to talk to me about everything that has happened and tells me she wants me in her life (Friends). I told her I love her and wanted to settle down with her (we were together for 7 years). She told me she wishes I would have told her that along time ago.

She went thru cancer treatment with me and other surgeries 5 years ago. I asked her if she would ever come back to me, she says she doesnt know. SHe needs to be on her own for awhile. What's that mean? I told her I don't want to hang on to something that will never be. All she can say is she doesnt know. I hate being gay!!! She is the only woman I want to be with. I can't see myself with anyone else.

SHe is staying with her mom for the next 2 weeks until she gets a place of her own. SHe left her bed, tv and few other things b/c there is no room at her moms house. So that means I have to go thru this a 3 rd time.

IShe asked me if she could call me tonight. I told her no I need to be left alone for now. I am hurt. SHe said ok.

She wants to sit down and talk to me about everything that has happened. Why? I told her NC for awhile b/c of the exteme pain. SHe said ok. I made sure I dont have her phone number so I cant call her in a moment of weakness.

She told me she fell out of love with me and we arent compatible(how can you say that after 7 years). I hope she comes back to me after she figures things out. NOw all of a sudden she wants kids. We are both in our 30's. I will do anything for her.

Now I am all alone in the house she picked and I purchased. All the work we put into it. Now I have these memories. Good memories and some bad.

I find remnants of her hair in the bathroom. Why so painful?

She was emotionless. DIdnt cry. NOthing. I havent seen her in 2 days. I left while she was here packing.

God I can't wait to go back to work on Monday. At least that is my saving grace. I may start working late for awhile until the pain subsides.

I havent eaten in days. I started smoking again after qutting 5 years ago after I was diagnosed with cancer.

I have no friends except for a few co-workers who have let me cry on their shoulders. Right now the pain is to fresh I dont want to meet anyone right now.

Where can a gay woman go to meet people? It's hard. I told her I didnt want to be gay anymore and that I will stay single the rest of my life. She was said why. I said b/c I only want to be with her and noone else. I dont want to ever feel this kind of pain again.

[elveden]

Well, it shouldn't be you begging her to come back, it should be her apologizing to you. You said that she needs to decide whether she wants to come back to you? It should be you doing the deciding.

 

I know right now, it's easy to think to yourself that she's the only person in the world for you, but believe me.. there are other people who deserve you more than she does. If she has made the decision to discontinue your relationship then the best thing for you to do is to move on. That's the only way you will find closure..

 

Go out. Meet new people and remember that your life shouldn't be held to ransome just for one person, a person who has messed you around in the past.

 

But look to the future - the pain will subside. I've never been in a relationship for 7 years but I know it hurts when I decent relationship ends - and I also know that by keeping yourself busy, and by not dwelling on what has happened in the past, you will get over her..

 

Really hope it works out for you

[DN]

Try to look past all the confusion and turmoil to what has actually happened and what you both want. This make take some time to work out. Don't get tangled up in how you both felt seven years ago - it is how you both feel now that matters.

 

When you do know and are sure you are both very clear about ; then you should meet, face to face, and say "I want XXX". Then listen to what she wants.

 

If you can give each other what the other wants, by compromise and negotiation, then you can maybe salvage the relationship.

 

But if you cannot do that - then you need to walk away from her and find someone who loves you as you do her.

[avoj]

Thanks for the kind words. I do want to believe in my heart that once she figures stuff out she will come back to me. I mean it is kind of promising that she is able to tell me she doesnt know right now if we will get back together. Right? That she wants me in her life. I do know that there cannot be any contact for awhile. I need to become stronger. She told me we both need to fix ourselves.

[DN]

And having fixed yourselves as individuals, you would then need to fix yourselves as a couple, because it is not the same thing.

[avoj]

I need to remember that she told me "she needs her space", "She needs to be on her own for awhile", "She hasnt loved me in years","That we are not compatible", "Let's be friends". I know deep in side all of those statements mean only one thing. That she wanted out of the relationship. That she doesn't care about me anymore. She is obviously seeing someone else, but denies it. She wants it to seem she was the victim. I was the victim.

If she contacts me again should I tell her to leave me alone, and say all of the things I said above?

[DN]

I think you should talk to her to ensure that you know exactly what she wants and what she is prepared to do. Once you know that, then you can decide what you want to do.

 

If she won't tell you that - then walk away for good.

[avoj]

She doesnt know what she wants. She just thru 7 years down the drain. She wouldnt go to couples counseling. NOthing. She lied to me. She hurt me so bad. RIght now I feel so angry and hate her. Than I turn around and cry b/c I miss her. This house I bought it last year. SHe picked it out.

How long should I keep NC? I feel like telling her that when she is ready to really talk, be open, communicate about everything than she can call me.

[avoj]

She called me this morning b/c the alarm went off in my house and they left a message on her vm at work. She wanted to see if everything was ok. I told her to leave me alone. Than 15 min late she sends me this email. It was sooo cold and hurtful to me. I am just going to let her go no matter how painful it is. Out of the last 7 years right now I Cannot remember one happy moment we had together. All I can think about is how horrible that last 2 months have been and all the mean things she said to me keeps running thru my head.

 

"I know you don't want me to contact you, but I need to say this. I really appreciate the fact that you're letting me keep the bed, television and chair at your house until I find a place. There simply wasn't any more room in my mom's house, and I don't have anywhere else to store that stuff. You didn't have to do that, so please know how much I appreciate it. I also wanted to thank you for letting me use the truck. I should have a car from enterprise within the next week or so. As soon as I do, I'll bring the truck over. However, if you sell the Isuzu before that, just let me know, and I'll drop the truck off.

 

Thanks for being understanding about this stuff. I hope that you and the kitties are doing ok. Please give them lots of love for me.

 

I'll respect your wishes not to contact you. I will let you know when I find a place - then I can arrange to pick up the rest of my stuff.

 

Thanks again."

 

My reply: "Please leave me alone. I hope you and Adrianne have a nice life together. You are a cheat, sneak, lier and cold hearted. I can never forgive you. I don't want to know anything about your life. You and Adrianne can raise kids together or whatever. Do not send me emails like this thanking me. I don't want your thanks. Also when you come to get your things I do not want to see you. I do not want to hear your voice.

I know what "I need my space", "I need to live on my own for awhile", and "I don't know if I will get with you again" means. Your too scared to fess up to the fact that you dont ever want me.

 

Have a nice life! "

[avoj]

The more I think about it the more angry I become. The lies about where she was spending the night, the meaness, the phone calls to this girl constantly. I was receiving prank phone calls.

You know she pushed me into going into therapy. I bet this was her way of getting me to feel better so she could leave. I hate her. I hate her. My heart hurts. I am tormented by this, but it is all true. She is cheater. She denies it, but she is.