What Do Women Really Find Attractive and Appealing About Men

[BigGuy]

I was just reading the piece on this site called : "What Do Women Really Find Attractive and Appealing About Men? " and I find it has problems. It all sounds nice (and I wish it were true) but what I've found in the real world is that women rarely say or understand what really attracts them to a guy. Sure they can state a few things usually, but that doesn't explain why they are often, no usually, with guys that are NOT all that charming, alluring, of great personality or sense of humor. Can anyone remember the guys Pamela Anderson has dated? These are nice gentlemen?

No, there is something missing in the approach expounded in this article.

[easyguy]

You're going to get a variety of answers on what women like in a guy. However, the one thing that I think most would agree on would be confidence. Good looks (which is subjective) don't always mean that the relationship will go well. A strong personality, maturity, and confidence I think is what most women could agree on. Women don't want guys that kiss up to them and buy their way to their love.

[BigGuy]

Sure, confidence, I've heard that before. I think it's more than that though. I've known so many women going out with and marrying the "wrong" guys (oh, maybe they have some confidence, but so do alot of "right" guys) that it makes me wonder what is going on. It may simply be physical attraction. If it's not that, then I suspect it's something not very obvious, sublimilal we'll say.

[misery12]

Maybe a mysterious personality?

A guy that comes off as aloof, and only lets a few things out. Stays casual, but charming.

Smart... and knows what he's talking about.

 

I am sure that if you make a good first impression on a woman, using some preferred tactics, and then bringing in a little mystery, she'd be writing her number on your hand.

[jna35]

O.K. I had to chime in. I hope you don't mind. I personally like strong, smart, sensitive men. I don't like mama's boys or pushovers. I like a man who is kind and gentle and treats people with respect. I like a guy that doesn't take himself or life too seriously, but takes his responsibilities seriously. Ultimately, it all boils down to how he treats me. As long as he values me as a person he has a chance to win my heart.

[goddess23]

arite im going to just describe my type which i should go for considering my personality. now first of all...ive noticed guys with girls who are not even attractive wiht horrible personalityes getting a great guy so i think it goes both ways! but ya...ive noticed i like shorter guys (im like 5'7 and all the guys ive liekd were like 5'9 5'10 while my shorrtttt gfs are with guys who arel ike at least 6). and i like guys who are PRETTTY and CUTE like kinda look feminine but not really! lol...and i like guys who are more on the shy side and are funny and can hold a good converstaion. and im going to be straight up that right now i am very vain and good features get to me! someone who is goal oriented is nice but again at this age i really dont care because we're all confuzzled on what we want! lol. but yeah, i think it varies depending on where you are in your life and what your missing.

[apollocreed71]

you can ask a woman what they find out attractive in a guy, and alot of them date the opposite of what they say they want. since i am not a woman i can not expound on that. but what really strikes me is that when a man has a woman, he all of the sudden becomes more attractive. i have just been through this the last month. i have been divorced for two years, depressed, all that nasty stuff. i started talking to one girl, then all of the sudden a whole team of women want to talk now. and from my perosnal observations, i have seen this phemonea happen quite a bit around me.

if you are too nice they think you are a wus. but for some strange reason if you ignore them a little, etc, they tend to want you more. i did it and it worked. i am the nice guy, you know the one that can be a great friend, but not bf material. yeah, that kinda irks me, cause i am good looking. not bragging, and no not a model type but have been told quite often i am handsome.

 

example, tonight i was with my gf and her daughter in Wal-Mart, and a woman was trying to flirt hard with me, when my gf got around the corner.

maybe women are attracted to something they cant have, the thrill, a challenge. as a man we will never know. the places you hang out, and things you do will attract different women.

s

birds of a feather flock together.

[Dre_7]

I think attraction goes beyond something we can merely see or explain. But physical attraction in and of itself is based on what we see. I think nobody really knows what they want until they find it, that's why sometimes, someone who totally isn't your "type" can come your way and leave you wanting more, so to speak.

[dpressedone89]

i think the most important thing is you need to treat a woman as a person not just a women, when you look at someone as a woman you have expectations and preconceptions so just view them as people and take things as they come. well that the best i can do

[Mun]

Right now I find myself attracted to a younger, very funny, very sweet guy who likes to tease me. I also find him very attractive, though he does not consider himself a pretty boy, I think he is . The main thing is that we are friends and have been for a long time. He likes talking to me... I love that!!

[lemonbar]

I know that I have seen many attractive men, sure they're nice to look at but would I want them -- mostly likely no. To get me to want you -- I really need to get to know you.

 

Nothing that a guy does to his body - six pack or keg, tats or clean shaven -- matters to me.

 

It's about who he is and what he is about. Is he kind and thoughtful. Is he caring and honest.

 

The rest is superficial and doesn't mean squat to me.

[darkblue]

There was a thread not long ago about 'nice guys'.

 

Everyone knows the phrase 'nice guys finish last'.

 

Women on a whole [and i hate to stereotype] Are attracted to the 'bad boy' attitude.

 

This often wears off with age. And bad experiences...

 

But you have to be; who you are.

 

Don't be a pushover but don't change your personality to attract women.

[Kookie]

I think nobody really knows what they want until they find it, that's why sometimes, someone who totally isn't your "type" can come your way and leave you wanting more, so to speak.

 

I couldn't agree more. Asking "what do women want" is saying that you can generalize us. No one person can fit into a single category. For example, there are many facets to my personality, but what facets are revealed depends on the type of person I am with.

 

There are tangibles we can name - integrity, open with his feelings, enjoys the same activities, etc. When it comes down to it, the person that attracts you is based on an intangible - something you cannot measure or even describe. It's just there - it's how the best facets of your personality collide with the best of another (and through that, you're willing to work through the worst). Some find it early in life, some find it later, some run from it because of past incidents, some just never get lucky.

[BigGuy]

"you can ask a woman what they find out attractive in a guy, and alot of them date the opposite of what they say they want."

Yes, Apollo has it.

My experience has shown the exact same thing.

Most women seem to be clueless on this point.

[iamwhoiam]

the older i get, the more i seek sound qualities in a man, as opposed to the superficial ones i looked for in my early twenties.

 

for example, i recently attended a wedding reception, where i ran into a guy i had known in high school. back then i wouldn't have found him attractive because-physically-he was not my type. he was tall, lanky, a class clown.

 

but we got to talking at the reception (both of us came solo), and i found him quite endearing. he was not only very intelligent (stimulating conversation is a huge plus!), but hilarious. when a guy makes me laugh, i find that incredibly sexy. when a guy can make fun of himself and not take life too seriously, it puts me more at ease and makes me want to be around him.

 

everyone is looking for different qualities. but i know from personal experience that a challenge is only fun for so long. and good looks don't guarantee a good heart. he has to have some substance.

[arwen]

I missed a lot of passion in my last relationship-- the fireworks. Where is this guy that is sweet AND spicy?

 

 

 

Ilse.

[BigGuy]

Great comments MonetLisa (and IAMWHOIAM too). And i wish that were all true. It just doesn't seem to be. What is a "passive, wimpy" guy for example? If you're nice to her and try to respond to her needs, this is wimpy? I think that's it. So you have to pretend to be aloof and "hard" to be appealing?

My recent relationship has had problems, and they seem to be related to all of this. And she is really attractive - this may make a difference in how she conducts herself. She says she wants nice, but when I am, she backs off. When I got angry at her at something she did (pretty serious thng) and started to back off from the relationship and not be so nice, she was all over me.

You see, she say's she wants the nice guy with good manners, but it simply doesn't seem to work. Sure, I'm confused, I'll admit it, but reality doesn't seem to correspond to all the nice things people say they want.

[Liquidius]

One of the most important things I would consider is that the man may not understand, but respect my opinions and personal values. I find this a rare quality - not too sound too harsh lol.

[BigGuy]

"I find this to be true with guys too."

It wouldn't work with me. She has gotten angry with me from time to time, which is OK , but a female with "an edge" or that is consistenly like that I would drop without a problem. I would much prefer someone who is

a little "too nice".

[Spirits Away]

That's an interesting comment BigGuy. You made me wonder if female would like guys due to reason Y, and they would approach their life on becoming reason Y to think they can attract guys.

Just a random thought with no backup experience on this one.

[Mun]

That's an interesting comment BigGuy. You made me wonder if female would like guys due to reason Y, and they would approach their life on becoming reason Y to think they can attract guys.

 

What did he say?

 

I prefer a guy that isn't "too nice" to tell me when I'm being a brat or I'm wrong. A man that isn't afraid of me and that will call me on things.

[Spirits Away]

View what's said like a poem, go read and reread.

[Shidoshi]

In my experience, the women who like the "bad" boys usually have self-esteem issues and they don't get enough of a "percieved" challenge from someone who treats them as an equal. This is something I learned at an early age, and it has also made me more successful. The reason I say "percieved" challenge is because you can actually fake it and it will work like a charm (most times). You get used to these games after a while, however pointless they trully are in modern times.

 

Also, don't be fooled into thinking there is a clear distinction between nice and bad guys. There are a lot of so called "nice" guys out there who are really passive/aggressive, manipulative "jerks" in disguise.

[OceanEyes]

In my experience, the women who like the "bad" boys usually have self-esteem issues and they don't get enough of a "percieved" challenge from someone who treats them as an equal.

 

I think the whole "self-esteem" spiel is such an over-simplification when it comes to matters of attraction. Just because a particular girl likes a louder, ruder, and more seemingly confident guy doesn't suggest that she's "insecure".

 

The truth is that there is a problem in putting matters of attraction into words. It should be something that you can just FEEL. Changing your tone and personality to suit someone else will end up in tears - the real you will eventually come out. Just be confident in yourself and don't worry about what works for other guys. Over-analysing doesn't work because it's practically impossible to put the feeling of attraction into words - you can try - but most women go on a feeling.

[Shidoshi]

I think the whole "self-esteem" spiel is such an over-simplification when it comes to matters of attraction. Just because a particular girl likes a louder, ruder, and more seemingly confident guy doesn't suggest that she's "insecure".

I guess it is a bit "simplified," but that's what I see in general. My Aunt for example, she's an attractive, and very outspoken woman. She would never put up with the behavior that is usually indicative of your typical bad boy because she's emotionally strong. That's not to say she isn't attracted to certain aspects about them, but she won't tolerate being disrespected in anyway. Honestly, where are you going to find a good, bad guy? It's like an oxymoron.

Changing your tone and personality to suit someone else will end up in tears - the real you will eventually come out.

I had to learn the hard way about how to be successful with women. I don't pretend to be someone I'm not, but I have changed over time because I had to "adapt" my personality to what actually "works."

Just be confident in yourself and don't worry about what works for other guys.

Yes, this was part of my transformation, but it was taken from observing other guys around me including my own experiences.

but most women go on a feeling.

My biggest lesson learned.