i'm going to college but i don't want to leave her behind.

[wanderer]

i wasn't sure if i should put this in relationships or long distance relationships but here we go:

 

my girlfriend and i have had a great relationship - actually tomorrow is our 3 month anniversary - and everything is going well. i'm 18 and she's 17, i just graduated high school and she's going to be a senior next year. this means i'm going away to college in september and she'll be staying here. i'm moving out of state. it's a 50 minute flight or about an 8 hour drive away from home and i'll be at school full-time.

 

the problem is, i'm not at all ready to leave her behind. we have a great relationship and we've both sort of found what we're looking for in each other. i can't think of any reasons why ending the relationship is a good idea, i just care about her too much and i don't want to stop being with her.

 

of course, since i'm going away to college, it will be very difficult to continue a relationship. i don't doubt her loyalty, it's not that. it's just that everything i hear about long distance relationships is negative and that they never ever work. in truth it does sound like a hopelessly romantic idea, trying to keep together a "high school relationship" going from accross state lines. but on the other hand, the idea of ending a relationship because of distance is like giving up and i'm not ready to to just give up what we have because of that.

 

also, i think we're both afraid to talk about this subject together. our friends tell us individually to just enjoy the time we have and then deal with the problem when we get to it. but since i have only about a month left before i leave, i've been thinking a lot about the issue and i'm sure my girlfriend has too.

 

i'm sure some of you guys have had this problem... do you have any advice? your own stories or just advice on how to move on after a break up because of distance, i'd like to hear anything i can. thanks.

[chai714]

The only way is to try it and learn on your own, kid. Just because most LDR's don't work out doesn't mean yours won't. Do not expect it NOT to work, or it won't. I commend you for going to college and away from your hometown. This is not easy, but will no doubt make you a more well-rounded, stronger, and wiser individual. In my experience with LDR's, the only way they can work out is if the couple has a plan to move closer within a reasonable time, and can stick to that plan. There has to be someone willing to make a sacrifice, or it will indeed be doomed to fail.

 

Your current concerns are very valid. Sit down with your girlfriend, and let her know your intentions (that you don't plan on breaking up with her). If she feels different, fine. If she feels the same way you do, even better. Once you actually move, you'll soon learn that communication is the most important element in maintaing and keeping an LDR. Once you lose or significantly decrease communication, doubt starts to form in each partners head. So, make sure you communicate and have a plan if you want this to really work out. Good luck.

[BellaDonna]

Awwwwwwwww....

 

I feel for you. This must be a very difficult time. But I agree with chai, the only way to tell if it will work out will be to try. Don't go into it in a negative state of mind because then you will be subconsciously denying yourself the opportunity to succeed.

 

You have winter and spring breaks and most likely summers where you'll have the opportunity to come home and visit her too.

 

Good Luck,

 

 

BellaDonna

[wanderer]

also i forgot to mention: her top college choice is actually in the same city as the college i'm going to, and the two campuses are walking distance apart. she's been wanting to go to this college since before she met me, so her choice isn't because of me. but of course, she has to get in first...

[cichlid]

I say try the LDR thing...if it doesn;t work out you guys can always just call it quits. If you guys still like each other when and if she gets into the college near you then, you can always get back together if the distance thing was the only reason you guys broke off. Don't think negatively...but don't be so naive you forget about reality. I wish you luck!

[JynX]

This reminds me of something my boyfriend and I will have to go through after this year. He's a senior. We've been dating for over a year, and I can't imagine how hard it'll be if we have to break up because of college. But, like everyone here already said, try and see if it works. Because who knows, it very well might work out great for you. And if it doesnt work out, atleast you know you tried, right? Best of luck to you!

[janeeka]

I know how you feel. My boyfriend has just graduated, whereas I start college later this year. He's worried that I'm going to choose to be promiscuous and decide I don't want to be in a long term relationship due to the change in life style, my new found freedom and independence etc.

 

Your girlfriend may be having the same concerns. Voice your own thoughts and feelings, and give her the chance to do the same. Reassure her that you want to stay together. Talk honestly about it. Remember that the LDR's which fail are better documented than the successful ones, and you clearly have the trust, loyalty and feelings needed to make yours a success.

 

Good luck!