I keep freezing

[BAS231187]

ok very quick history.

there is this girl i have had a bit of a crush on since the start of the year a few months ago she started hanging around with us but started going out with one of my friends i enjoyed both there company more than i was jelous and so things were fine and we ahd a lot of fun. i would say those few months have been the best of my life so far. anyway she broke up with my friend and now i seem to seze up when ever she is around. i really like her and would have no problem asking her out but i want to be able to relax around her first.

 

the strange thing is we talk on msn messenger quite a lot and send a lot of texts. and in those i have no problems and we have even talked about how we feel for each other.

 

i went with her to the theater it was the first time id been out with just her befor and i really did freeze up and couldnt think of anything to say. that night i had a really nice dream where we were together and i posted on my space asking what people think about dreams without saying what it was i dreamt about but she guessed almost straight away it was about her (must have been the language i used or sumthing)

 

she also added to the end of a txt a while bak "P.s you can put a kiss at the end of texts. hehe.Xx"

 

i really like her, she already know that and i think she likes me but when she is around i can never think of anyhting to say or do anymore.

 

any ideas how i can get over this "freezing up"

 

my perants are away next week so im having a small party with a bunch of friends i could have enough to drink to get rid of my shyness but id really rather not resort to that. i also have a holiday planned for the week after with my mates (her included). i would really like to get this sorted befor then

 

this is the first time i have ever felt like this about anyone so i really dont know what to do.

[Emotional]

this probley sounds easier than it actually is...but

pretend she's just one of your boys. Think of her

as a good friend. I don't think it would hurt much to

just keep taking her out on dates and as long as shes

going with you gives you the hint that she likes you

 

With the fact that she is going out with you on dates

and pursauding more dates ..By just knowing that

it tells you she's thinking about you and what yall can

be...

 

The worst she could do is turn you down...And being turned down

can do some damage to your ego, but what if she ends up

really liking you and has a real crush on you. Evrybody gets

nervous when they like a person a lot, it's totally normal

and some chicks think it's cute for a guy to be a little on the shy side.

[Alabama]

Emotional is right. Just think of her as one of your friends. Don't think of her as that pretty girl you like. Otherwise you'll get nervous. The problem itself is really easy to fix, but shyness can seem like your trying to climb a mountain. I had the same problem. I couldn't talk to girls. I would freeze up as to what to say. I didn't want to screw up. Yet, when I realized they were people too, it all made sense again. So, good luck!

[ShySoul]

I have the same problem. First thing, alcohol won't help. It may loosen you up but then you run the risk of looking like an idiot. That's even worse. Here's what I'm thinking, when I freeze its because I'm scared of what she will say. There are a 1000 what ifs running through my head. Will she like me or not? Will she turn me down? Laugh at me? Go out with me? Throw caution to the wind and kiss me? I consider so many things that I spend all my time wondering instead of acting.

 

When you start to think like that, shove those thoughts aside. Don't worry about what will happen, thats the future. Don't worry about freezing before, that was the past. Focus on the present, there is only the present. And in that present say you will do it. Keep saying it as you go up to her, and when you are there open your mouth and speak. Make up your mind, and do it.

[BAS231187]

pretend she's just one of your boys

she is sometimes the only girl when we go out in a larger group and she said a few times treat me like one of u guys.

 

I realized they were people too

as stupid as it sounds that can be quite hard to realise but your right. i have no problmes ring places to book stuff like camping (for the holiday) because i know at the other end is a person who is probbably pretty friendly (and u never know they might have a sense of humor too).

 

Will she like me or not? Will she turn me down? Laugh at me? Go out with me? Throw caution to the wind and kiss me?

sounds very familiar. and i guess ur right im thinkning too much and worrying. sounds so easy in theory lol but i know its not.

 

cheers every one i will see what happens tomoz and post the results

[elveden]

Well, nerves are completely natural, especially around someone we like or have strong feelings for. In my opinion, you should take sometime on your own to sit down and think.. practise telling yourself to take a deep breath and count to five. This often helps the blood flow to your brain and allows to process thoughts faster and avoid freezing.

 

When you "freeze" with nerves, all that's happening is your brain is getting stuck in a limbo between silence and saying something. You're so worked up on trying to say something that all you can do is not say anything atall.

 

Practise breathing excersizes and then next time you see her, just do the same. Your head should be clear, but most of all - BE CONFIDENT!

[BAS231187]

sorry about not posting on friday i didnt really see her all tha much but yesterday a group of us went out to the cinima but ended up bowling cos the cinima was full.

strange thing was i felt really confident and had no problems with not knowing what to say the whole night. she even said over meesenger afterwards i seemd more confident.

 

thing is i cant think what made such a sudden change. altho there where a few times i found myself thinking "should i say sumthing" but if ever i started thinking like that i decided i was just going to say it anyway. so i did and now i dont know why i kept thinking like that in the first place

 

thanks alot for all your advise i think i did a bit of everything and it really has helped

[easyguy]

Funny how one day you're hesitant and the next your very confident in what you do. That's happened to me before. Short lived, but it felt great. Part of it could be due to the atmosphere or the vibe that's happening around you or something.

[BAS231187]

need more help.

 

the genral chatting and having fun is alright (still needs a bit of work but i can ralax and have fun)

 

as i said i had a party on wedness day and it was great fun got pretty drunk but not so much i felt ill or couldnt make sense or remember anything. u guys where right not to rely on alcohol to get rid of shyness but it didnt work anyway. it helped me do stuff i wouldnt normally do (walked around topless for quite a while) but didnt help in the slightest when it came to relaxing. she knows i fancy her and doenst seem botherd letting people know but i still cant seem to show it when she is around. i decided befor that wednessday i was going to hug her nothing to amazing but some thing to show i cared for her and maybe if that went well give her a kiss on the cheek. i couldnt bring my self to do either. every bit of phisical contact was started by her. had our arms round each other for a photo and she held my hand for a bit when we went out for a walk(at 3:00 in the morning lol). when every one was leaving i thought this is my last chance to what i promiced my self i would. and just froze again compleatly and could hear the voices in my head saying do it and dont.

 

normally im pretty good at self control i can get in to a frame of mind that over rules what i want to with sensible thoughts. so things like fags or drugs i have never even been tempted to try and when i am drunk i still have enough control over my self to stop drinkning befor i collapse or feel ill. and that is kinda what i did to help relax aroun her when i we went bowling whenever i wasnt sure if i should say sumthing i would tell my self to shut up and say it. and it worked as i said i really enjoyed it

 

but i culdnt do it this time no matter how hard i tried i couldnt bring my self jus to ask for a good bye hug.

 

she came round again today to pick up some stuff she had left here and again i froze when she started to leave again arguing with my self. and i cant win. i cant make my self do it and i dont know why.

 

any ideas are welcolme.

[thispaininside]

hi bas231187,

I have been reading your posts, and noticed that you havent mentioned much more about whats been going on. How are things a happening? Have you asked this young lady out? How did it preveil if so? If it helps I asked a guy out who i liked and was one of my friends, he didnt really give an answer, but i think it meant no as he didnt want to complicate things. He seems to like being single- free. something like that.

well let us all know whats been a happening.

[BAS231187]

a large group of us went on holiday last week to poole. i kinda asked her out. we arrived on the monday and it was thursday evening befor i had plucked up the courage and managed to get her by herself and even then i kinda made a mess of it. but when i finally did ask it sounded more like a hyperthetical question rather than actually asking her. i cant remember exactly what she said but it was along the lines of dont ask me while we are on holiday and while im drunk (i had only had a bit to drink). then she started saying things that kinda comforted me a bit. but thinking about it afterwards it sounded a bit rehearsed and so im not too hopeful anymore. then again i wouldnt have asked her if i wasnt ready for her to say no and even tho she didnt say anything thats the impression i got. i am going to talk to her agian about it but like i said im not too hopeful atm.

[BAS231187]

she said no

she said shes not ready for a relationship with any one, probably for a long time.

bit of a kick in the teath but hey i made sure i was ready for her to say no befor i said anything so i guess life will go on.

 

to be honest my life is very good in genral. i have a great bunch of very close friends and have no enemys. i have a great social life atm going out almost every day and doing sumthing. i am very healthy and am actually pleased with my fitness. just passed my driving test with 5 minors and so i now have a lot of freedom because my perants are very understanding and relaxed (think i must be one of the few people who dont mind saying they like there perants). i also have a great hobby (powerkiting) that i am good at and have a lot of top of the range kit. i also have a job that i dont exactly like but it means i have money to have fun so its alright.

 

after all that good i guess it was about time sumthing didnt go my way.

shows im not dreaming.

 

i still love her and cant stop thinking about her. so im not sure what to do now.

[asdf]

life goes on! you'll probably come accross a lot of women in your life that you will like a lot. and at most, there's only going to be one you don't move on from.

 

see if you can learn anything from this experience though.