I wish I was dead,I am an idiot and she is confused

[slw1]

I dated this girl for a few months last year , she broke up with me and then asked me back to only break up with me again 2 weeks later.

 

After a month of NC I called her and we talked for 2 hours and she asked me out to a movie. We hung out for a couple of weeks ,but one day she told me she was only interesxted in being a friend. So, I lost control and I poured all my feelings of love out to her and asked if she still wanted to hang out with me knowing I have such strong feelings for her. Two days later she was holding my hand,leaning her head on my shoulder and hugging me. until a few days later when i started to show interest back she ran away.

 

Four months of NC and we are hanging out as friends again. She talked about doing things together with me again. We went on a camping trip with two of her male friends and me. Around the campfire she sat right up against me(touching) and put her blanket around both of our legs together and huddled against me for warmth. Over the next few weeks I asked her out a couple of times ,but she avoids me for 4 months of hot/cold behaviour.until I call her one day again I lose control a bit and release my feelings ,she tells me she is uncomfortable around me and doesnt want to talk to me anymore.

 

I ignore her for 4 months,we would see each other in the University pool and on bike club rides but would not talk to each other.

 

Four months later we meet on a bike trip, we start talking and end up riding together for 7 hours. At the end of the day she said "it was nice to talk to you ,and I am glad the silince is over" So , I think we are friends again. I think that I can talk to her on the bike ride again and in the pool again .I only tried to be her friend , but I will be honest I still have feelings for her.

 

I see her the next few weeks on our local bike club ride and try to talk to her and ride next to her,she talks to me alittle but generally tries to avoid me. I get really frustrated ignore her and she would come up and talk to me.

 

I started swimming again after a 2 month absense because of a shoulder injury, I would see her in the pool but she would be very aloof to me.

 

Now the stupid stuff ,because she was avoiding me i would kind of push my way into talking to her . I followed her one day because she was not talking to me ,but talking to another guy. I feel so ashamed for this. She found out and told a friend to call me and tell me she does not want any contact with me anymore. She also .thought I was following her into the pool also , but I wasnt I have been swimming there for 10 months.

 

She told my friend that she is uncomfortable around me.

 

I cant sleep ,I cant eat. I feel like i have ruined e great friendship by inability to move on , but I also feel slightly lead on by her.

 

I need some honest opinions please. Tell it to me straight.

[SilverManic]

She was definatly leading you on and I know you probably don't want to hear it right now but you need to move on and forget about her. She was being really spiteful and I don't think she realized what she was doing either. I wouldn't even bother being friends with her if I was you. If she treats you like that she isn't worth the time or space in your life. I'm sorry I'm being mean but thats what I think honestly.

~S.

[naughtycowgirl]

honestly, you need to move on on this one. obvisuouly she doesnt care how your feelings get hurt. My mom did this to her boyfriend, she would say i love you and all this, and when he would come crawling back, she would refuse him. Just say forget it and find a new one. Thats my honest opinion.

[slw1]

She never claimed to have anymore interest than as friend. I only acted as a friend, but she could tell I was still interested, but i would get frustrated when she would talk to everybody but me.

 

i hid/waited at the side of the road to see if she was talikingto another guy while bike riding. I feel so stupid for doing this.

 

This is the worst feeling in the world. I only wanted to be her friend but I cant move on. Now I have lost the most amazing person I have ever met.

[Irishmanco]

This situation seems unfair to you. You put much concern and thought into a person but none in return. Since it's extremely hard to not think of a person try involving yourself in other activities. Find another bike club....just a suggestion. She is pulling you back and forth.

 

She may want to be friends but you feel more than that. Don't let her pull you back and forth. Life is too short to be used and remember you're too important to be left in the air. Good luck

[Mr. Sub]

I am in the same situation. My ex left and started dating her ex again. Only after a couple months she started calling me again. We went out a few times she admits missing me and still has feelings for me. But when I asked to be back together, she couldn't say anything. On one hand her feelings are toward me and on the other hand she can't let go of her past with her ex. I felt being controlled and there is nothing I can do about the situation. I just have to let it go. Feel the pain now, rather than a prolong torture. Same for you, seems like she is confused. Drop the case and sit back. If she wants you, she will come back to you.

[Day_Walker]

I cant sleep ,I cant eat. I feel like i have ruined e great friendship by inability to move on , but I also feel slightly lead on by her.

 

I need some honest opinions please. Tell it to me straight.

 

Well I dont know what you call a good friendship but the last year has been horrible for your situation. I dont see how you would imagine trying to salvage this because between ignoring her and you thinking that she is leading you on.

 

I think that you need to realize that this situation is over and the sooner you realize that the better off you will be.

[tufty]

can't add much else - next to express sympathy for how you're feeling. However ... i've got a query - would people generally agree that this cuddling up is some form of move- a colleague did that to me at a outdoor concert recently - (though boy it was cold).... and I wasn't sure if he was just frozen or making a move. We were literally hip to hip all night...and I'd have moved had I not liked him.... but wonderered .....