i messed it up

[walkingwithaghost]

Hi, I'm a waiter, the bartender at my job asked me out for a drink a bunch of times. I said no with a lame excuse each time (I told him I dont drink and drive.) Now he got the wrong idea that I don't like him and has stopped flirting with me and asking me out. What a dunce cap I am, any advice? My guy friend said to tell him "if you ask me out a few more times I may say yes." I don't know. I'm boy stupid. I only said no cause I was scared...

[caasiopia68]

just say hi an then simply ask are you doin saturday (or whatever) then say, do you still want to go out for that drink... if he is still intersted (which he probably is) he wil go out of his way to make it work... (he probably either thought that you werent intersted or you wanted to take it (whatever it was) slow...

[walkingwithaghost]

He calls me "the girl who doesn't want to have a drink with me."

[btbt]

He obviously likes you so muster up the courage to just say something casual to him -- like, do you still want to have a drink? Or if you hear him calling you "the girl who doesn't want to have a drink" then say, that's not true and go from there.

[Antimyth]

Your post makes me feel quite frustrated. I sincerely hope that girls who turn down drinks with guys they like are few and far between! You know what, I want u to ask this guy out for drinks for me, do it for ME.

[walkingwithaghost]

They are few and far between, trust me. I think sometimes personalities can clash so you might do something you don't want to do. Like he was so up front it seemed like he was kidding and that was sorta intimidating. I'll see him Friday or Saturday maybe I'll mention something then.

[ComputerGuy]

If he is calling you "the girl who doesnt want to have a drink with me" I don't think he is trying to be rude....it might be his way of hinting for you to ask him for a drink.

[elveden]

Well, if you do like him, then I would try and respond to what he is trying to tell you. Quite obviously he likes you - and if the feeling is reciprocal then there should be no reason. From what I can deduct from your post, you appear quite shy around this guy - and it's normal.

 

All I will say is that if he does like you and he is attempting to make the first move, I shouldn't think that he will hang around forever, and I would make a move soon if you do feel for him, or the oppertunity may be wasted..

[walkingwithaghost]

I don't appear quite shy. He thinks I hate him. I yelled at him the other day over something work related.

[asdf]

if you like him, why did you make up a lame excuse each time he asked you out?

[Shidoshi]

Because I was scared and did not know why he liked me.

How would you ever find out if you don't actually go out with the guy? Short of him telling you straight up.

 

He asked you out numerous times and was rejected everytime. If you want something to happen it's your turn to do the asking, no need to play anymore games, just ask the guy out, he already paved the way. You couldn't have it any easier.

[walkingwithaghost]

At this point it would be awkward to do so and I could not without risking the chance of "looking stupid" while I'm sure if I were to ask him out he would say yes, to do so I would have to reach out to him. The guy avoids me almost. When he sees me his face sort of changes I can't quite explain it. I think I hurt his pride as opposed to hurting his feeling. He's friends with everyone and I'm quiet. I feel like an outcast. I tried to be nice to him today and give him the impression that I liked him, but I couldn't help myself and was rude. He said he got a $15 tip and I said "I'm happy for your success in waiting tables." His jaw literally dropped... While I'm sad I can't get this guy when I want him and see him everyday, more importantly I'm concerned that this inability to be nice to a guy I'm attracted to is indicative of a larger problem. My older sister said to be nice to him and ask him out, or so nice that he would definatley ask me out again. My younger sister said to ask one of his friends if he has a girlfriend (who would then tell him and he would know I was interested in him in the way.) I think my younger sister's high school logic may be the way to go, but I will look stupid when people hear about it and laugh.

[Shidoshi]

I'm sure if I were to ask him out he would say yes, to do so I would have to reach out to him.

So reach out, there's nothing wrong with that.

I tried to be nice to him today and give him the impression that I liked him, but I couldn't help myself and was rude.

Strange, I'm starting to think it was a good idea (for the guy's sake) you turned him down because you sound like you have some unresolved issues. Why was it necessary do be rude?

While I'm sad I can't get this guy when I want him and see him everyday, more importantly I'm concerned that this inability to be nice to a guy I'm attracted to is indicative of a larger problem.

It is. It sounds like you're terrified to admit you like him, and at your age it seems childish given that he already asked you out.

 

Forget about what your sister said. Why don't you act more your age and look at the situation in a more mature way. Why can't you just be honest with him and tell him that you were scared and now you're ready to take him up on his offer if he's still willing? It makes you look more foolish to like a guy then turn him down (more than once) and expect him to keep chasing you by dropping "hints." It's already too late for that, you DID mess up. Do you realize how much guys have to put themselves on the line to ask women out? I'm not attacking you, but damn, it brings back memories and how frustrating some women can be, it's a good thing they aren't all like this.

[Santa]

I think you need to see a psychologist mate, I agree that your attitude probably is because of some unresolved issues.

He's asked you out, and you like him, but you'd rather be rude to him then go out with him, and you don't know why you want to be rude? Something funny going on there...

Good luck!

[walkingwithaghost]

I know why I was rude to him. Because I felt vulnerable and would rather be rude than vulnerable. I didn't say no cause I wanted him to chase me. I said no cause I was scared.

[walkingwithaghost]

So, even though you guys said to bite the bullet I've continued dropping subtle hints & hoping he'll ask me out again. I always say hi and bye to him (which is prolly a big indicator that I like him, seeing as I don't say hi and bye to anyone else I work with). Sometimes subtle hints aren't so subtle... Tonight he asked me if I was going to go out with everyone and have a drink I was like "I dunno, we'll see how my night goes." Then before I left he didn't ask me again (like he didn't say "so are you hanging out or what." From his behavior do you think he really likes me or just thinks I'm hot and wants [censored]? I tried to be direct and give him my #, but it felt so unnatural and I don't think thats a good way to go about this kinda thing (doing what feels unnatural.) My sister says I only like him cause he stopped asking me out (and in doing so took the attention he was giving me away) and what I really liked was the attention, I don't know. It's mostly that he's a bartender and their infamous disloyal flirts and Idon't wanna look or feel stupid if Ireally like him and he just wants someone to mess around with... what do you think I should do? Everyone else is annoyed with me at this point, haha.

[jurupa]

Dude (I know your a girl) your just teasing him and almost just wanting him to chase you all over again. Why are you doing that to him? No wonder he has done a 180 on you. You seem to like the guy, even tho it seems hard to believe, so isntead of doing what your doing, just ask the guy out. You can say this:

 

"Sorry for putting you off and being rude would you mind having a drink with me?"

 

Part of life and espeically relationships is that you have to be vulnerable at times. If you run away from it, it can hurt you badly. Your sister may be right that you like th guy even more now that he has basically stop paying attention to you. But how do you know that this guy fits the typical bartender? You don't. Not once have you mention that he flirts with other girls.

 

Basically you either ask him out or just drop everything, becuase I high doubt that he will ask you out again. He may drop an hint or two, but I think thats it. Also I don't know why your so worried about looking stupid. I think most guys would want a girl that does stupid things from time to time as it shows that they are human and are not perfect.