SadHatter Posted July 18, 2005 Share Posted July 18, 2005 OK, I am not too sure if I am over reacting or if I am being rightfully annoyed! Today my girlfriend of 4 months was talking to me on the phone (I am 22 and she is 17, and we're from the UK, it's all perfectly legal!!!) and she said she was staying at her friend's tonight, so I said OK that's cool, should be fun. Anyway, she was talking to me tonight on MSN from her friend's house and I asked what they were doing tonight, were they going to watch a film etc. and she said no we're having a party, to which I said OK. She said there were going to be four girls there (including her and her friend who's house it was at) and 18 guys!!!!!! She said they were all staying overnight or if not, the guys would leave about 5/6am. I was feeling a bit uneasy about it and I told her. A couple of minutes later she then proceeded to change her name on MSN to..."Jade ere feeling horny". I asked why she had changed her name to that and she said because she was feeling horny and I said well is there any need to tell people on your MSN list? Especially when there are 18 guys going to a party you're at and they're staying all night. Really annoyed me. Anyway, she replied..."If you don't trust me, then we might as well forget it now." My question is - am I overreacting or am I right to be annoyed! And does this whole chenanigans tonight sound dodgy to anyone else? Link to comment
RandomAdvisor Posted July 18, 2005 Share Posted July 18, 2005 I don't think you overreacted. You felt uneasy about it (I would too) and told her. Then she lets you (and everyone else on MSN) know she's feeling horny when she's at a party where the male/female ratio is about 4.5:1?? Why couldn't she have just invited you to the party? How is your relationship with her otherwise? Link to comment
SadHatter Posted July 18, 2005 Author Share Posted July 18, 2005 Relationship has been very up and down to say the least but in the last month has been the best it has ever been and we have both said this...I was really happy and now this, I just feel really uneasy now...its very late here now in England and I can't sleep because I am worried what she is up to at this party! Link to comment
DN Posted July 18, 2005 Share Posted July 18, 2005 Why is she at a party with 4 girls and 18 guys to which you are not invited? If you can't trust her you should not be with her. If she is deliberately making you jealous you should not be with her. Link to comment
SadHatter Posted July 18, 2005 Author Share Posted July 18, 2005 She says they're old school friends she hasn't seen for a year and that they just have "a lot of guy friends", which is the reason I am not invited - plus it isn't her party to invite me to. She is either not trust worthy or she is deliberately making me jealous - either way, you're right, it's not on... Link to comment
RandomAdvisor Posted July 18, 2005 Share Posted July 18, 2005 If she is deliberately making you jealous you should not be with her. That's what I'm thinking. It seems like she's intentionally trying to make you jealous and toy with your emotions. If things were great, it'd be one thing. But "up's and downs" of a relationship that's lasted only 4 months doesn't sound very promising. A breakup might be in order. Link to comment
SadHatter Posted July 18, 2005 Author Share Posted July 18, 2005 Why would she want to intentionally make me jealous mate? Any theories? Another idea of mine was she did it in the hope I would split with her so she could do whatever she wanted tonight, i.e. get with someone and then say tomorrow....we werent together...i want u back tho, it was a mistake etc. etc. Link to comment
RandomAdvisor Posted July 18, 2005 Share Posted July 18, 2005 Why would she want to intentionally make me jealous mate? Any theories? Another idea of mine was she did it in the hope I would split with her so she could do whatever she wanted tonight, i.e. get with someone and then say tomorrow....we werent together...i want u back tho, it was a mistake etc. etc. That's one possibility. Making their partner jealous is something insecure people do. It happens fairly often unfortunately. Is she insecure? Link to comment
DN Posted July 19, 2005 Share Posted July 19, 2005 That would be very Machiavellian - but not impossible. So don't do anything until later. See what happens and what she says after the party - but be prepared to dump her if you are not happy with what she says. Link to comment
SadHatter Posted July 19, 2005 Author Share Posted July 19, 2005 Well, I am assuming she won't tell me if she cheats on me anyway - I'd highly doubt she'll admit it! I would say she is a pretty insecure person, yeah. Link to comment
SadHatter Posted July 19, 2005 Author Share Posted July 19, 2005 Something else that bothers me is she is 17 and I am the 13th person she has slept with!!! 13th!!!! Found this out a fortnight ago so it doesn't inspire me with confidence! Link to comment
DN Posted July 19, 2005 Share Posted July 19, 2005 13!! - - - and she is at a party with a bunch of guys and is advertising that she feels horny!! Remind me why you are in a relationship with her again. Link to comment
SadHatter Posted July 19, 2005 Author Share Posted July 19, 2005 You don't trust her then! Link to comment
DN Posted July 19, 2005 Share Posted July 19, 2005 I don't know her and I have only heard your side. So I can't say if I trust her - but I would advise extreme caution on your part. However, you do know her and you obviously don't trust her or you wouldn't be posting on here about this situation. Link to comment
lady00 Posted July 19, 2005 Share Posted July 19, 2005 Her reasons for not inviting you sound strange to me. If I get invited to a party and I am with someone, I have never felt uncomforable bringing that person along. I always thought that was a fairly common thing to do. Sounds like she is trying to push your buttons and make you jealous by saying all that stuff to you about how many guys are going to be there etc. She may be testing (which is totally not cool) you or she may be incredibly naive and not realize that what she's doing would worry you. The whole thing just sounds sketchy to me. Link to comment
lillady898 Posted July 19, 2005 Share Posted July 19, 2005 You definetly have reason to be upset in this situation. The fact alone that she had slept with 13 people and is only 17 is enough to make anyone a bit worried. And then now she is advertising she is horny during a coed sleepover. Something about that is defiently not right. In your shoes I would end things before bad turns to worse. Whether she's trying to make you jealous or really planning on hooking up at this party, she's wrong for doing so. Additionally, the relationship itself has only been 4 months long and already a bit problematic. In my eyes, it just doesn't seem worth these issues. But then again, only you know the worth of your own relationship. Link to comment
saltwatergirl Posted July 20, 2005 Share Posted July 20, 2005 Kick to the curb and move on. Salt Link to comment
anotherperson Posted July 21, 2005 Share Posted July 21, 2005 "If you don't trust me' date=' then we might as well forget it now."[/quote'] That's the part that caught my attention funnily enough. I am confident that if you replied to that statement with "yeah I don't trust you, and we should break up", you can be damn sure she would get off with someone at that party. But lets try and put things in to perspective.... Is it likely that there is really 18 guys going to be at that house, or is she for some reason just making it up trying to make you jealous. Is there anything bad in your relationship at the moment, and perhaps after a talk with a female friend of hers, someone put her up to telling you all that on MSN to test your response? Her actions just sound like that she was trying to make you jealous, and she had to have known that she was going to trigger such as response in you. Then again she's only 17, and you're 22. I'm not making an issue of the age gap because it's nothing, but in this case there is a difference between a 17 year old and a 22 year old. If she was 22 and you 27, then I'd say not as much. Teenage girls IMO are as flippant when it comes to dating. So my advice is that you can play her game, try and teach her a lesson back, or leave her and know you can do better than someone who intentionally tried to hurt you. That's the part you need to figure out. Link to comment
lady00 Posted July 21, 2005 Share Posted July 21, 2005 I agree that the whole maturity thing might be an issue here. Although a lot of 17 year olds are quite mature, a lot of them aren't. I think she's still learning about what's okay in a relationship and what's not. That said, maybe it's time for her to learn on someone else and with someone else's feelings instead of yours. Link to comment
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