Why is he doing this to me?

[giggle3474]

I've posted a couple of times over the last week about my boyfriend and I. We got in an argument, I told him I wanted to break up but I didn't mean it and I know it was wrong of me to say and manipulative. What's done is done and I can't take it back.

 

He said he needed some time and space. We have been talking *almost* every day over this past week and I have seen him a few times. We went to breakfast this past weekend and it was great. We talked about random stuff, he said he missed me, he told me I was beautiful, we laughed we joked and we enjoyed each others company. It really seemed like we were making some progress.

 

After breakfast he had to run some errands but he said he wanted to see me later. He never called me that day. I left him a couple of messages but he didn't call me back. When he finally called me yesterday. he was acting very strange but he said he had gotten really busy the day before and wasn't able to hang out with me.

 

I'm not sure where we stand now. He said he still needs some time to get past this. I just don't get it. I mean I know what I said was hurtful but we've been through worse than this and I survived just fine. Why can't he? To me it seems so simple; either he wants to be with me or he doesn't. He said he hasn't even reaached the point to where he can make that decision.

 

I feel like he's dragging this out. I don't want to sound selfish but this is so hard on me. I can't imagine my life without him but if that's the way it's gonna be, I'd rather get it done so I can heal. I felt like we made so much progress over this week. He's told me how he feels, he's admitted how much he has missed me and how bad he wishes he could be with me but he won't give in to it. And then not even 24 hours later, I feel like we're back at square one. It's so frustrating and I'm scared to call him because I don't want to smother him. I'm scared to text him cuz I don't want to annoy him but I want him to know how I feel and know that I'm thinking about him.

 

I feel like I'm walking on eggshells and I feel a little like I'm being takin advantage of. It feels so good when we are together and that's when I feel like we're making the most progress but I have to iniatiate those meetings and then when he leaves without kissing me goodbye or anything, I feel so down.

 

I need to know what I can say or do to just get us over this. I know we can but its so draining on me, sometimes I want to give up.

[Jordan]

not to sound discouraging. i did the same thing to me ex but all the time. i always said that when i didnt know what else to do. i was not good at expressing myself and everytme something went wrong i thought that was the answer. eventually he broke up with me and wont take me back now so try not to do that again say sorry

[Kasers41901]

Your topic of why is he doing this to me? Honey from the sounds of it he didnt do anything to you, you did it to him and thats really not all that fair to put it on him, my ex used to do that to me, break up with me and then want me back, well one time I didnt take him back, it hurts to be dropped like that its not fair either and then when the other person is begging you to take em back dont make it any easier.... I personally think that you two need to sit down and talk and also make a list of pros and cons about this relationship, I did that and guess what there were more cons then there was pros, but then I am also raising two of his children, just be lucky you dont got that hanging over yer head....

[Johanna81]

I've been through that with my BF and honestly you should probably just give him some time. he sounds like the sensitive type my BF is so when he gets mad at me he goes on breaks for weeks at a time so your problem is that you've hurt his feelings and I think you should lay low for a few days maybe a week and if you don't hear from him in a week give him a call. We all make mistakes and hopefully he'll understand and get back with you I know it's tough been through it a lot myself but just try to hang in there and wait for him to make a move good luck!

[Shadows Light]

Kasers41901 is right, you did it to him. He didn't do it to you. Take the learning that words carry a lot of weight and its difficult to withdraw them once they are said.

 

My situation is totally different. I was the dumper. He the dumpee. But the words that were said... he said he never meant. Or said it in a jest. Or said them on the fly in a fit of anger. Guess what??? Its like the boy who cried wolf.. you say something one too many times and pretty soon... people will take you at your word. And act on those words.

 

There are two choices you have right now. Accept responsiblity for your actions and the reppercussions of them. Or sit there in missery and worry yourself into a tizzy...over and over and over again. Your choice.

 

As to BF... well...you are correct to assume its best not to smother him. Give yourself a bit of distance. Nothing worse than a smothering relationship.... yikes. You have to have room to breathe and to grow. Give him time and space and see what happens.

 

In the mean time. Learn the lesson. And forgive yourself.

[giggle3474]

I'm not saying that I'm not to blame. I take full responsibility for what I said *but* I said it in the heat of an argument and didn't expect it to carry as much weight as it did. I know it was wrong. I know I said it with hopes of making him realize that he was hurting me and that makes what I said manipulative.

 

What I am getting at is that it seems like he is dragging this out. I have been through some major crap with him. From lies to me thinking he was cheating to money issues and so on. Every time we have talked it out, we have worked through it and gotten over it. But that's when he was doing things to me... I'm having trouble understanding why he can't work through this like I've done with all the other stuff.

 

To me, it almost seems as if he knows he wants to be with me but is using this time and space to try to convince himslef that he doesn't need me in his life. I wish there was a way I could make it up to him. I've already learned not to ever say anything like this again, and I sware I would never. I just want to be able to show him that my actions speak louder than my words. I love him with everything that I am and everything that I have and I made a mistake.

[Shadows Light]

Relationships are a two way street. Do not let him in turn "manipulate" you either. You said..

 

I'm having trouble understanding why he can't work through this like I've done with all the other stuff.

 

Your feelings should not be swept under the rug. And you should not have to scramble and change to suit all his wants. Its a two way steet called compromise.

 

Yep.. maybe he is dragging it out, to get you to squirm. And you know what??? if he is.... thats wrong too. You shouldn't have to beg, borrrow and plead to tell someone you love them... or move the heavens.. just let it be.

 

If it is meant to be ....it is meant to be. Don't compromise yourself or your integrity. Contantly trying to fix it...fix it.. fix it... will leave you tired and resentful at some point and time.

 

He's putting space between you... then .. you know what... you relax...and leave the space between you. This isn't a GAME you are playing with each other.... this isn't a tug of war.

 

Relationships just shouldn't be this difficult. Does it feel like you are dragging a dead weight behind you and working working working working....???? at this stage of where you are at.... it shouldn't be this hard....

 

Look at it this way. What do you think its going to be like down the line. Lets say you do marry. And there is a mortgage...and then there are chlidren... things will reallly really really get tough quick.

 

During this COURTING phase is when you form your bonds and your trust. That bond and trust is what will hold you together during the tough times. And yes...there will be tough times as sure as the sun rises and sets... its inevitable. If you can not work out your differences in during this phase...and their are lies, manipulation and head-games..... WHOA NELLLY.... hold on to your horses because your life will be one big bumpy ride.

 

Does that make sense???? COWBOY up sister. Take responsibility for yourself. Don't let anyone play games with you. There is NO TIME for it. You have ONE TIME....ONLY ONE TIME ...to go around on this merry go round... you might as well make it as happy and as comfortble a ride as possible.

 

Call him. Get it on the table. And if he's playing pee pee games. Tell him you'll be around.........but you won't wait around. LIFE IS TOO Darned beautiful and to darned short to walk around with a dark cloud over your head. You'll be fine.