What should have been the best night turned into the worst

[ComputerGuy]

First off, for those that don't know, a LAN party isnt drinking/music/etc, it's playing multiplayer computer games on ur computer at a place lots of other people have dragged their computers too for the same reason.

 

Well the girl that I really like and I (we have been good friends for a while now) went to a LAN party together yesterday, however her Ex was there and made things not only awkward and uncomfortable, but downright miserable. The only time he talked to me and was polite to me was when she was around, he flirted and mucked around with her like crazy, and several times they disappeared for like 30mins to an hour together. When I went to lay down to sleep I couldn't because of it and it was too cold, but everytime I looked over he would be to see if I was asleep then start getting closer to her.

 

Earlier on in the night, he started arguing without me about a topic I'm passionate about, and started to get really childish about it, and my friend got upset with him, I took her for a drive to cool off, and when we got back, after a few mins they were talking again. From that point on I felt like I was being left out and ignored.

 

I went into quiet mode, turned my music up as loud as it could go and pretty much shut everyone out....when I get like that that's it for me, I just give a crap about anything. My friend asked if I was OK a couple of times throughout the night, but I was at the point where I was just too upset to even bother so I brushed her off and told her I was fine.

 

I wrote the following at the LAN and I'm posting it now unedited because I couldnt get online duringg the LAN to put it up:

 

Well I'm sitting here at a LAN party I came to with Belinda, and now that I'm here I'd do anything to leave...her ex is sitting on the other side of her and managing successfully to ake me unimaginably miserable and make me feel awkward. The way him and my friend talk and muck around, I feel like a third wheel, not even that, I WISH I could be the third wheel, cause it a tleast it would mean something.

 

I got so frustrated and upset I went out in my car and nearly killed myself twice, once going onto a bridge at 140km/h sideways, and another when I threw it sideways around a roundabout and almost overcorrected into the parked cars. I almost wish I'd just hit them, rolled and died, because then I wouldnt have to worry about anything....ever.

 

I got offered a new position at work, I can run my own computer store and get full time pay....but the catch is I have to move around 3 hours from where I am now. I told my boss that I'd love to but I highly doubt I'll be able to because of my situation...translation - too far away from the only friend I have. With the way I feel tonight, I'm tempted to call work first thing in the morning, tell him I'll take it and move out, no more anyone.

 

I feel like I'm just that guy they know, the way they appear, if I didn't know betterI'd pick them as a couple, flirting, whether intentionally or not, her sitting on his lap at one point. Everything I have done, he has gone "one up" on, and congrats to him cause he wins. I quit.

 

Isn't it amazing how one person can turn time with the person you like and care about most into one of the most miserable and worst nights you'll have.

 

I also won't be surprised if my friend doesn't talk to me again, as the next morning after they went off together again, I'd just had enough and packed up and left without saying anything to anyone...so she would have come back to find me not there and no idea why I left or even that I had left.

 

For the record, her ex treated her horribly and did things to her that he could go to jail for, yet she insists she wants to be friends with him at least, even though he does nothing but come on to her, upset her, and upset her friends and family.

[DN]

My advice - take the new job and start afresh. This girl doesn't sound the one for you and the one who is for you may well be at the new place. So cut your losses, take the job, find a better place to live, friends worthy of the name and a girlfriend who is really into you and not hung up on an ex.

[abcd1234]

Hey mate,

 

Im sorry to hear about your situation. I think that you really need to move on, she is obviously still obsessed with this ex of hers. Somebody like that really isnt worth your time or effort. If you think that this new job that you have been offered could be an opportunity to start fresh and make some new friends then i think you should go for it, without looking back.

 

Good luck mate, i hope this whole thing gets sorted out soon.

abcd1234

[ComputerGuy]

While I would offer the same advice to myself, we have become good friends generally as well, so it wouldnt just be losing a crush, it would be losing a good, and only, friend.

 

We arent going out, she's not my g/f, but I do really like ehr, and it's no secret either. I don't blame her for being hung up on her ex, it's not like she'll be able to move on from that easily. I could also be seeing things that arent actually there in all honesty, but it's just how I felt...whether justified or not (I know my original post sounds biased to justified, but as I said, I could be seeing things that arent there) it is just how I felt, and it sux. To top it off I just went for a drive to getout and because I was crying I wasnt paying attention and landed a $200 speeding fine...yay.

[DN]

This is your life - and part of your life is your career and being happy and fulfilled in it. That is a lot to sacrifice even for a good friend.

 

But is she a good friend? Do good friends treat people like that? Not in my experience. Good friends take care not to hurt, they are supportive and understanding. And she did not behave like that last night.

 

Don't give up the chance for a better life for an illusion of friendship and a faint hope of something more.

[ComputerGuy]

I edited my last post, accidently posted before I'd finished

[Belinda]

I wholeheartidly agree. Shes not worthy of the title of friend.

She did nothing that night to even be nice to you.

She didnt notice you were hurt, she didnt try to cheer you up, she didnt ask you to come with her when she went for walks, she didnt consistantly tell you where she was going.

 

But I mean, it could be worse. She could always gossip about you and make up stuff that didnt happen and post it on the web. You should feel lucky in that respect.

I have a friend like that. Or should I say, had.

[ComputerGuy]

That's the thing that I'm worried about, I have a really out of control imagination and my emotions go haywire when I feel threatened, which I clearly did. As a result I start to see things that were never there, and this will be one of those times Im betting, its just....I don't know, its how I feel and I hate it.

 

It's not like she didnt do anything nice to me, we mucked around, and had fun, and was absolutely awesome until my extreme sense of paranoia kicked in. I just pray I havent ruined the friendship with her, because that's the last thing I ever want to do.

 

I think what it comes down to, is I just felt left out, and started imagining stuff that wasnt happening as a result.

[DN]

OK, so let's assume for a moment that you blew it out of proportion. The fact remains that you have an opportunity to advance your career and you are possibly going to pass on that chance because you are romantically interested in a girl who has shown little or no sign of reciprocating, friend or not.

 

Seems to me you are thinking emotionally and not rationally. Which is very understandable when strong feelings are involved - but it is not sensible nor is it in your best interests.

[GuiltyAsCharged]

My sympathies for you man. This kind of stuff sucks, I know from experience link removed

What I suggest now is try to find someone else to think about. I bet it feels bad now but once you meet someone new and get yourself involved in other activities you'll be able to laugh this thing off

[chai714]

Computerguy,

You have very strong feelings for this girl. She is not recriprocating right now. You took her to a LAN party with you, and she ended up spending some time talking to and hanging out with her ex boyfriend. You became jealous, and almost did a horrible thing. I can understand why you feel jealous -because you like her so much and you feel like her ex is trying to "steal her" from you.

 

On the other hand, she's not obligated to talk to only you in public places. She's a single woman, and can talk to whoever she likes. If she was being rude to you at the party (and in front of everyone), then that is not a good friend you have. I have tried to live by a very simple, but downright cold rule: when a friend causes you more pain than pleasure, drop this friend (for at least a while). Although you feel upset right now, realize that she's human, and there are many other humans out there. Believe it or not, you'll meet another girl down the road and have a crush on her too. The bottom line though is this: if you allow someone to treat you poorly, they will see that you don't value your own self and will treat you as poorly as they can get away with. In your downtime, work on doing things that will raise your self-esteem. There are many books on self-esteem as well and I encourage you to check one out. Good luck.

[CarterJonas]

Might be better for you to talk to Belinda about your concerns. Sometimes we want something that we can't have, which is in no way a reflection on you. If friendship is the best thing she can offer then at least she has been honest with you. Only you can then decide whether you can 'stand' being just friends with her.

 

goodluck with what you decide.

[avman]

Well my man, I think you really overreacted at this party.

 

If Belinda is single and you two aren't dating, then she is free to flirt, go off with someone, and basically do whatever she likes. She isn't obligated to you and she shouldn't have to try to avoid any type of flirting when you are around just because you like her.

 

Now there are two sides to this story I'm sure. I'm not sure how much she ignored you during the party, but is it possible that she behaved just like a casual friend but that you were hoping for so much more that it set you up for a huge disappointment?

 

Time for you and Belinda to have a serious talk about this. You are going to have to discuss your feelings and try to determine what kind of boundaries you and she can be comfortable with.

 

Whether or not you take the job shouldn't be based on this experience. You need to think things through rationally to decide whether this is a good career move for you. As DN said, don't let a crush on someone who may not be able to return the feelings make this decision for you.

 

And don't ever get into your car when you are that upset

[DN]

Is the Belinda avman mentions the same Belinda that posted on here? If so, I agree with avman that you two should talk about this together face to face. Calmly, and free from blame and sarcasm so you can properly understand where the other is coming from, and to realise what the other person's is feeling.

[RandomAdvisor]

Is the Belinda avman mentions the same Belinda that posted on here?

 

Good question. They're both listed as being in the same location?

 

I agree with the previous advice about taking the job and moving on. You may like her, but she doesn't seem to like you. If it's no secret that you like her and she felt the same way, you'd be together already.

[ComputerGuy]

Yes it is the same person, yes I blew things out of proportion, yes I apologise even though it's clearly too late.

[DN]

If she is a good and reasonable person it is never too late to apologise.

[ComputerGuy]

Ive had a good sleep and I've managed to be able to look back on things properly, I did screw up big time, and although I can apologise, and I will anyway, is what I did even forgivable?

[DN]

That will depend on her. But since what you did was not because you hate her or despise her but because of the exact opposite emotions then I would be surprised if she does not understand and forgive.

[ComputerGuy]

Well here's hoping she at least gives me the time of day to say sorry, not that I deserve it.

[avman]

Forgiveness is always possible, however if that does happen you two still need to have a serious talk about things. Otherwise it is only a matter of time before this happens again.

 

Until then, time to start groveling

[ComputerGuy]

Yeah, already started, wish me luck cause Im going to need all the luck I can get. Hindisght is 20/20 and I realise I've been the biggest a-hole imaginable.

[chai714]

Before making your next move (whether it be an apology or not), take some time to yourself to cool off. Do not do anything impulsive, think things through, and let some time pass before making your moves with her. It makes humans in general feel uncomfortable when we see someone's mood to be very volatile. Remember - calm, cool, collected always leaves a better impression.

[ComputerGuy]

I've calmed down a lot since last night, I emailed off my deepest apologies to Belinda, now I can only wait and see.

[DN]

But don't let all this influence your decision about that job.