giving up on love..

[shimmer5]

i need help.

 

heres the dillio:

 

my ex and i dated roughly 9 months. in that time, we had sex too much and talked too little. these were the factors in our breakup. he ended it with me over 2 months ago. i was/am devestated although i knew it was coming. there were times id be sitting in the car talking to my friends about how sometimes there was silence when the ex and i were together.

 

we definitely jumped into a serious relationship too soon without getting to know each other. neither of us intended to fall in love but eh, it happened. so after the breakup we both agreed that no contact needed to happen.

 

its been 2 months and the longest we've gone without speaking is maybe 3 days. we CANT stay away from each other. i wont lie. we have had sex maybe 4 times in the 2 months. Usually he will call me to come over and we will just snuggle and fall asleep in each others arms and then get lunch the next day.

 

im NOwhere near over him. in fact i havent begun to heal at all. the constant seeing him is great but then as soon as we are apart again, im a mess and back to where i was the day he ended things.

 

everytime i say "this is the last time we're hanging out" he replies with "you know it wont be". i know he isnt over me because hes told me.

 

ive never gotten out of a relationship before where we kept talking to each other. usually the guy dumps me and then we dont speak for a long time and we're both fine.

 

i feel like both of us are trying to hold on but part of me wants to let go because this is tearing me up inside. i know im gonna have to be the one to start no contact and everytime i go 2 days and then he calls me, i CANT not answer the phone. i start thinking that he will wonder where i am and who im with and why i dont answer and then i pick up because i miss him. but i also think rationally that he shouldnt care where i am and who im with because we arent together and i dont need to answer it. but i f*cking do everytime.

 

i miss him. how do i begin no contact. why is it so damn hard to give up on love?

[DN]

Decide what you want. Either a proper relationship with him or to stay apart permanently. Having decided then take the appropriate actions. If you want him then tell him you love him and want to get a good, strong relationship going in which you are both on the same page and want the same things. If you don't want him, tell him not to call, go no contact and get over him.

[volution]

One thing you must understand, is that sex isn't love.

It can be a physical expression of love, but usually people confuse lust and love, and often wonder where the love went when the physical feelings start to melt away, or the reality of life crashes in through the fairy-tale bubble of passion.

 

This dance of aloneness and closeness that you are taking part in, can be extremely destructive - your heart and soul can be maimed permanently by the extreme of emotions from hope to despair, from love to hate, from togetherness to emptiness.

Fear of loneliness causes people to try and preserve connections that should be avoided or moved on from.

I believe that perhaps this is what is happening here.

 

It takes time, and maturity, to be in a relationship, and from what you have said, I don't think that there can be any future for this relationship.

It is hard to dampen feelings of lust, but it is even harder to dampen feelings of love. If you fall in love with someone you have first fallen in lust with, the hurt can be immeasureable... Unfortunately, this is the way the majority of people enter into relationships in these cheap and shallow days...

 

You must tell him "Please, I cannot have you call me again. I need to heal." If he is mature and understanding, then he will accept this, and do his best to honour your need to heal. If not, then it just proves how much you need to get away from this connection.

Finally, you have indicated you have been in a number of relationships, where the 'guy dumps you'. Relationships are not games, they are not just for fun, just to keep loneliness at bay. You must first look inside yourself, and ask yourself the question, "are *you* ready for a relationship?" Relationships are about growing together, sharing, teaching, learning, living, healing together.

Are you ready to share every part of yourself, good and bad with another soul? If not, then you have some way to go, before you *are* ready...

 

Good luck..

[anotherfaceinthecrowd]

its sounds like you guys are more holding on the physicality of the relationship than to eachother. lets face it, if you wanted to be together you would stay together. you chose to end it, so let go. the right thing to do no matter how you do it is to move on. (in my unstable opinion, take it for what its worth) whether it be in a letter, a sit down good bye chat a phone call or to simply not answer his calls anymore, you said it your self the stronger part of you wants to let go. you dont want a "relationship" thats all bone and no bark. (---that was pretty clever. for serious you are way better than this. you are putting yourself through unneeded stress and depression and giving yourself more to worry about everytime you two meet. give it up. or give in and bone all the time and dont talk which you guys obviously weren't content with in the first place so you can break up again in a month. i've been there, i feel your pain sista. if you ever needa talk i'll be around. aim-boutchicaboutbou.

 

good luck! be strong!

hugs!