OK It really does not get easier

[ufoureah]

Well my ex after 3 months has informed me that she is interested in her friend from work.. One I suspected last year.. she also told me if I came to her house or work or her froinds house she would be putting a restraining order on me. I have been nothing but nice.. after 3 months she is already falling for someone who has been supportive. she says my ADHD is just an excuse and she hates me..

So that is it.. I am dying again.. please help me cope with this.. I never had a chance to redeem myself and she just turned her back.. what now..

Moving on is hard to do.. Iam so hurt!!!

D...

[lady00]

Sorry to say this but since you physically harmed her during the relationship, most people, including me would advise her not to have you in her life anymore. To me, once there is physical abuse, that is a point of no return. I know it's hard and I know that you love her but you truly need to do NC and get yourself healed from this breakup and continue to work on the things that drove you to hurt her so that your future relationships will be more successful.

[michelemybell]

If you already apologized, leave her alone. And show through your ACTIONS that you have changed. Get help and make yourself a better person. All the begging and clinging shows her you havent changed at all--Of course she doesn't want that. You can only show her you've changed by leaving her alone, getting help for your problems and taking positive healthy action in your own life.

I know it hurts when someone you love finds another person. But you will feel that much worse if you just sit around and do nothing but pine for that person.

[stickman]

I hate to say this but....From what I have learned and read: She needs to see "Independent evidence that change has taken place in you."

 

All the talking, begging, pleading in the world wont change her mind now. It may never from what I have read.

 

Change your flaws. Work on you....first.

Leave her alone. Dont make it worse on yourself or her.

 

We all want to be around people that are happy and love themselves and are confident in themselves.

 

I hope this helps.

 

(Trust me....I still have a long way to go myself! Easier said then done))

[hurtwou]

ok hunny....it hurts it really does...love sucks. I know...my ex is bipolar...and he could be such a sweetheart then turn into such a jerk, and I just gave up. He told me to stop callin him, and then he'd call me out of the blue...I mean talk about mood swings....if she doesnt want to work stuff out let her go...it hurts I know....but be strong

[ufoureah]

Iam leaving her alone, and Iam finally realizing that there is going to be no reconciliation, no way to redeem myself, no loving her ever again.. It really hurts.

I know my condition had alot to do with why things happened the way they did and it is very upsetting that she is not willing to stand by us to deal with them. iam making peace with it now and Iam trying hard not to invision her being in bed with her friend. That hurts the most. a month ago she got upset when I told her my new piano was my new love...

she said that was too early and she could not deal with it!!!

What happened?? Iam trying to figure stuff out , the woman works with her, she was not even attracted to her. she is a manager and she says she does not date people she works with.

I know this is just a rebound, but it still hurts that she is sharing her body with someone else..

How do I get these thoughts out of my head, Iam going nuts...

It's been 4 ays and I have her blocked off of everything.

I can still see her on messenger and she still has me in her box...

If it was over, why doesn't she just take me off of everything and move on with her new love.

I am breaking my head..

I have made so many changes and am getting my disorder under control with meds. she just turned her back on me..

I could have never done that to someone I loved, even if they did such a bad thing, especially if it was only once and there was a reason for it..

 

D...

[lady00]

Hi,

I'm so sorry that you're hurt. Breaking up is awful. Sorry if I sound harsh but I am going to level with you. I think that your ex had no choice but not to give you another chance. I think that that relationship was clearly strained and once you hurt someone physically I don't think they have any duty to stick by you and its hard, if not impossible, for them to ever trust you again. I'm sure you can understand her point of view. I think that you cannot expect her to return after that. She understandably does not want to experiment or gamble with her emotional and physical safety after a shock like that.

 

I think the woman for you is out there and she is someone who will not withold intimacy from you as your ex did. As the time passes you will meet other women who will inspire you to love and you will find an even better love. I guarantee that the pain you feel right now will subside. It will take a long time but that's the process...it will end.

 

You need to be strong and believe that you are a good person who is trying your very best to change and there are women out there who will see that and be attracted to you. You just have to believe that it will happen and give yourself time to heal. think of this as the time for you to be away from the ex and heal on your own. Good luck with everything.

[ufoureah]

She should not even stick by me, if she knows me and I have never ever done anything like this before.. and I finfd out I have a tumor in my head in the frontal lobe and am diagnosed with ADHD at the same time.. And I have dr's reports stating why I lashed out.. my serotonin level was so low, it was as low as Jeffrey Dahmer's when they did an authopsy on him.

where is the compassion!!!.. If I were an abuser, I would have never sought out help.. I found out , I am sick and Iam seeking help, Iam on meds and am doing all it takes to never ever let this happen again.

I believe it was beyond my control..

I feel she abandoned me and I cannot ever forgive her for that..

she NEVER EVER gave me a chance to redeem myself..

I know that she will come back, but I would never take her back.

Iam so hurt by all of this, she has not even dealt with this and never will because she is already slepping with a friend from work.. How do you think that makes me feel. She totally avoided dealing with us and what has happened.

D...

[lady00]

I am not trying to mean. I'm sorry if I came off that way. I am saying that she is understandable afraid of you and she doesn't owe it to you to stay in a relationship in which she is unhappy for any reason. I'm saying also that you don't need her in order to deal with what you are dealing with...the people you need are your friends and family. You can be strong and move on from her and see that there are other women out there for you. I still stand by my opinion that it's not wise to return to someone who has struck you. I think if I were in her shoes I could eventually forgive but I don't think I could forget the hurt and the fear and return. I don't know you or her so it's hard for me to really understand exactly how both of you feel but this is just my opinion on how I might feel in a similar situation.

[Echo]

Ufoureah....

 

I feel the pain in your post. It is frustrating to try and prove yourself to someone who doesn't seem to want to listen or even care.

Your situation reached a very volatile point...I realize you say it was beyond your control...but your ex is not in your shoes and she never has been...therfore to expect her to be empathetic is not fair. Put yourself in HER shoes...what if she had been the one to attack YOU, regardless of the cause at the TIME. You cannot say with 100% certainty you would have been forgiving or understanding because of a "condition". In fact, chances are you would would be terrified of her or of doing something to set her off. This is HER mind set right now....and anything you SAY to prove or redeem yourself will NOT budge her..in fact it will probably alienate her more. Everyone has been saying you need to prove through your actions that you are not only changing but that you are changing for YOU...this really should be about YOU anyway, because regardless of what happens with her...this could happen with anyone if it's not taken care of properly.

I hope for your sake that you DO seek the help you need, and that you are indeed remorseful and are not using this as a reason to justify your actions. I also hope that one day your ex WILL forgive you and if nothing else can give you peace of mind that you did all you could do to rectify the situation. Best in all to you!

[ufoureah]

The truth of the matter is, that Iam really afraid. This diagnosis of ADHD has really get me to focus, however, what is so scary is that Iam a 3 year old in a 41 year old body. she made all these complaints about my behaviour, she is not around to help me with this. where do I go now. what all of you learned as children, I have to relearn, who do I have as a model.. n o one, it is so embarrassing to go to your friends and say... hey you know Iam finacially ok and I have a great house but emotionally and mentally Iam 3 can you help me learn about boundaries and how to listen etc etc.. she was my rolemodel and now she is gone away. I know I did something badly and me changing, how will she know I have changed, she is done, and gone... forever, already in a rebound relationship with a coworker... Iam loosing it..

I cannot make peace with the fact that she does not love me anymore.

D...

[Echo]

Ufoureah....read this carefully. It is not your ex'es responsibility

to make YOU better. She made the choice to leave, because of your

actions. It is not her fault. You cannot keep blaming her for YOU not

getting better. You know right from wrong don;t you? You know what

you did was the reason she is gone, don't you? That is NOT something a

three year old would know. Furthermore...do you think it will be appealing for her to think she has to "mother" a 41 year old adult?? I certainly wouldn't!! You can't use this "sickness" as a crutch or as a way to

guilt your ex back into your life. Take responsibility for your actions..as an ADULT ...not as a three year old. Crying and stamping your feet will not get you what you want, and you know that.

Keep moving forward....you WILL get over this.

[ufoureah]

iam not blaming her.. I miss her terribly and I cannoty hanbdle knowing she is attaching herself to her friend.. and starting her new life.. totally forgetting about me..

Iam going nuts..

I want her back in the worst way...

how can she have stopped loving me so quickly?

 

D... I just don't understand.. she was crazy about me..

[ufoureah]

Iam trying to make peace with the fact that indeed she has moved on and that is fine.. However what is not fine with me is that I never had a chance to redeem myself, been able to work things out.. I understand we really are not that comp[atible, but I did something terribly wrong and now I have to live with it forever. I am very embarrassed, we live in a pretty small community, and This leaks out and I will be forever labelled as an abuser. I have never done anything like this before and Iam so sick of this. I know quite alot of people and Iam very well known and it worries and saddens me that I have to walk around on eggshells.

How do I deal with that.

I had a very nice comnversation with her yesterday and she told me that she likes her friend very much, because they have alot in common. I know it's a rebound relationship and she still loves me. She has blanked out all the good times we have had, because that is how she deals with everything.

Hoipefully one day we can become friends and we can talk about this horrible thing that happened.

D...