Did I make a mistake?

[bridget74]

I think I want him back. I cheated, I lied, I broke up with him, and I am miserable. I have called, and emailed, and getting no response. I feel like a psycho. I am considering driving to his home to force him to see me! I was thinking I wanted out of this relationship, but I feel so bad. Did I make a mistake? I just can't get it together!!! Help!

[reflectionlessmirror]

YES! You made a huge mistake. I am jsut saying the truth here when i say Why would he want to talk to you? Why would you even question whether you mad a mistake. There is never a reason to lie and cheat in a relationship. I you were unhappy you shoudl have gotten out and hurt him less. Guilt often serves a purpose. What comes around goes around. Just LEARN from what you have doen, PLEEEZE!

[darkblue]

I cheated, I lied, I broke up with him

 

Q. Did you make a mistake?

A. Yes, Three.

[ladyluck]

yea you made a mistake, but that's life we all make mistakes if he won't answer send him a genuine e-mail saying you know that you were in the wrong( don't keep saying sorry once or twice is fine) you're sry for hurting him and you know you gave up on something good and ask him to forgive you even if he doesn't want to talk to you then kind of make it your final good bye to him don't talk to him either move on with your life but from now on .......... don't make those mistakes again

[arwen]

If I was you, I'd stay away from him now. Leave him be. It's obvious you have hurt him too much for him to consider a reconciliation.

 

If he was posting on this forum, the not-responding and no contact would be exactly the thing I'd advice him, if I am honest.

 

I think it's time to cut your losses and move on. He's probably doing the same. Let this be a life's lesson for you. Sometimes we need to make huge mistakes before we learn.

 

Ilse.

[darkblue]

Sometimes we need to make huge mistakes before we learn.

 

Or we can learn from the smaller mistakes and avoid making the huge ones in the first place.

[bridget74]

I know the things I did wrong were mistakes and when I was breaking up with him, he wanted to work it out. It is just that I felt so awful when i was around him, I couldn't stand it. We got into a fight over the phone, and I told him I didn't want to talk to him anymore. When I said it, I just meant for the moment, because I just was upset and unable to focus, but when he didn't call, I thought it would be easier to just let it go. I am feeling the mistake part, was not trying to work through it. I mean he said he wanted to, but didn't want to talk about things. I would be there, and he would basically just ignore me, despite saying he wanted me there. I really think I want to try and work things out, but I just don't know it is possible. I wasn't going to tell him I cheated, I just wanted to break it off, and spare him that pain, but he knew. I think the change in my behavior gave it away. I have earnestly expressed my sorrow for hurting him, not just lame sorries, but just let him know how much better he deserves, and that I didn't want to hurt him, etc... Ugh, I know I am a disgusting person, and I just want to somehow make it better.

[arwen]

I understand you are very sorry, you seem to regret what you did. You need to come to terms with yourself first, you can't reconciliate with him in order to make you feel better about yourself. You did make a huge mistake, but you are not a bad person. You realized this was a mistake. Now you have to be aware of the mess this is for HIM. Cheating is in many ways very selfish. To expect that he will come back to you can be selfish too, you have to be willing to give him time to heal from this, and accept that things might indeed be over for good now.

 

Ilse.

[RandomAdvisor]

Cheating is in many ways very selfish. To expect that he will come back to you can be selfish too ...

 

I was thinking the exact same thing. This was selfish behavior, and now turning around and expecting him to take you back is continueing to be selfish. If you have any respect for him, you should respect his decision to not want to speak to you, and stop trying to contact him. Learn a lesson from this and move on. The next time you have problems in a relationship, talk to your partner. Cheating never solves anything.

[SadnConfused]

So say I am in his shoes.... I sort of am... I probably still love you. I probably would give you another chance.... In the back of my mind there would always be this little man saying, ok, when is she gonna cheat again? When is she gonna lie again? When is she gonna leave again. I am a firm believer in the fact that if a true love bond is formed you always have a chance to get back together. The only thing I can tell you is, hunnie, you have a lot of work ahead of you. Before you do it make sure this is what you want. If he takes you back and you do it again you might spend the rest of your life regreting it and having someone absolutely hating you for what you have done. I would say settle down take a step back and if this is what you really want to do it is time to start proving yourself. The right way.

[bridget74]

Thank you sad and confused. Your insight is helpful. I went to see him tonight, and I do not believe we can work this out. He was initially interested in trying to work things out when it first happened, but after I did not talk to him for 2 weeks, he said he no longer wants to. Plus, he has since told his family and his friends what happened and says that now makes it impossible. Anyway, I am very sad, but honestly, for weeks I had been thinking I was unhappy. We are very different ppl, and we communicate differently, and it leads to a lot of frustration. Not to mention, he is not an affectionate person and I am, so I often feel neglected. I mention these, not to justify my awful actions, but I think to just reaffirm to myself, that it is a good thing the relationship is over (still need to concince myself). Anyway, I know ppl had harsh words for me, and they were true. I brought this terrible time in my life to myself and while I hate feeling this way, I know I deserve every minute of it. In the meantime, I think I will take a break from relationships and dating, and spend sometime reflecting on this, and trying to become a better person. Thanks everyone for telling me how it is.

[Akua]

Bridget74

 

Before you 2 broke up, did he ever suspect anything or ever ask you if something was going on? If so, what did you say?

 

You initiated the break up, right? When did you, or did you, tell him you cheated? I mean, what did you say? When you broke up you mentioned something like "you deserve better." Is that how you ended it, giving him some group of other excuses? And later telling him about it?

 

I'm just curious bc I don't know why my ex broke up and his behavior seemed simliar to yours. My only idea is that a couple of weeks before I caught him saying some tiny, but contradicting things and always had a suspicion that he wasn't being honest about something, again, the instinct thing. And gave him examples of HUGE things (non cheating related) that he lied about thereforeeee instgating my not trusting him. He got really angry and hung up on me when I called him on these things and said I am fishing for something. he said that I didn't trust him made him feel like sh!t. I dunno if that was guilt or honesty. Would you have responded that way if your then-bf asked you? Then when we broke up with me 3 weeks later he said I deserved better and he has hurt me. Now after no talking for awhile, he is calling but not really telling me what for but it's clear he realizes something. I haven't talked but i just want ot know if he cheated. I don't know if I ask if he wiull tell me or not, and i don't know if it matters now, but..if he did and wants to get back together, at least I now know why he broke it off and I think his conscious would prevent him from doing it again..but I am not even at that stage yet to consider a relationship. Does that sound similar to what you went through? I'm curious to hear the other side. If that is how you would have or will respond?

 

As someone from your other side, it really is an uphill battle for you. Trust is soo important after that. I mean, shame on you the first time. Shame on him the second time. A leopard doesn't change its spots. But those are my opinions and if a relationship between the 2 of you were to start again I don't think I (the cheated on) could go in honestly starting over fresh. I would feel that I then have the right if I wanted to screw around if there was ever a moment. It's like the love wouldn't ever be the same as it was before. Then again, was it really that good if you ended up cheating?