How much is too much?!????

[SmintyMinty]

Hi , I guess I'm just wondering how much sex is TOO much??? I love my boyfriend and we've been together for over a year and we've always had a great sex. I always want to have sex but he's not the same. We have sex every day, usually twice a day and more on the weekends!?!? Is this normal? He says it's too much and he said that it was becoming a chore? I usually initiate sex and he does have a lower sex drive than me. I kinda get frustrated if I don't have sex at least every other day but my boyfriend is fine if we only do it once a week!??

 

I don't understand why he's wants to change things!? He's never said anything before! He says he's happy just to cuddle me and sleep with me without having sex but I'm not. Is he just not that into me anymore?? Am I being paranoid? I feel kinda hurt by it as I feel like if he doesn't want sex, that's like a rejection. Is anyone else in the same situation? I don't want to finish with my boyfriend over it but he keeps saying that he doesn't know what to do if he can't satisfy me!? I've told him it's ok and I'll tone it down but he says he feels inadequate. What can I do? anyone have any ideas?

 

Thanks!!

[Vert]

Sminty,

My ex-gf was like this, and it shattered all of the stereotypes that I'd heard of women that only wanted sex maybe once a day, twice if I was lucky. If we had sex it wouldn't just be one time, it would be 3-4 times at the least and more over the course of the day if I could handle it. Most of the time my penis would actually be sore and painful, and I'd have to be the one to stop. I loved it, and most guys probably do as well. Your boyfriend could be going through something else that is bothering him besides the sex because frankly that doesn't sound like typical guy behavior to me.

 

I was reading a book about love languages, and one guy said that physical touch was his thing because he loved sex. This guy also likes words of affirmation, and he found out that if his wife gave him all the sex he wanted but verbally abused him or treated him negatively in public that he'd lose his desire for sex. I'm not saying you do that to your boyfriend, but there might be something else on the side that is bothering him. Talk it out. It's always the best way.

[LoveOneAnother]

My boyfriend is the exact same way. Why? I resorted to taking care of myself because I get too stressed out if I have to wait. I dont really know what to say, but I do sympathize.

[deviousj420]

my bf is the same way also... last nyte we got it on n then he initated it the second time - wow! we had watched a porn the first time when i initated it and maybe he was still" randy" lol after it... i duno, but i was shocked...

 

I to need sex if not every day at least every other day - and im always the one to initate it so it leaves me feelin unattractive or undesirable....

 

Try external stimulation, porn, toys, talkin dirty even.... I kno that it turns us both on more if we watch porn or if we have sex in front of the mirrir and we watch ourselves, thats really hot!

 

But i feel for you... I am in the same boat... Cmon guys! whats wrong?

(Alot of people find me attractive so i kno its not that)

[btbt]

I think it would be helpful to tell him, if you haven't already, how you feel when he doesn't want to have sex. This seems to be the issue, as you don't seem to be saying that you are mad that you can't have physical pleasure as much as you like, but that you are upset that his not wanting to have sex means rejection.

 

Tell him that so that it doesn't just become about trying to have or escape sex, but that you get to the root of the issue.

[Süsser Tod]

Hmmm, in mi situation it is the contrary, I'm the one always wanting sex, and my GF is the one that refuses to most of the time. It is extremely frustrating, as I feel as if I werent good at it or as if she didn't enjoyed it at all!

[SouthernSon]

For me, once I got past my mid-20s, my sex drive really just started going downhill. I wouldn't say it was a bad thing, but I had a lot of other things happening in my life. I don't know if that was the cause of it, but I'm not the stallion I was when I was in my late teens - early 20s.

 

Everyone is different though.

[RayKay]

I like sex too, but I think it is also important to remember that sex is not everything, and that quantity does not always translate to quality for every person.

 

Think of it this way. If you were 10 and LOVED chocolate chip cookies, and one day your mom stocked the cupboards just FULL of them and you were free to eat them ALL the time. Sure, the first while you would go nuts, right? Be eating cookies left and right, breakfast, lunch, dinner and even snacks.

 

But then suddenly you would be tired of all those cookies. In fact it becomes a chore to have to keep eating them. You miss all the other things you could eat, a turkey sandwhich sounds really good all of a sudden! You still loved cookies, but maybe you would crave spending time MAKING cookies with your mom rather than actually having them to eat all the time.

 

Okay, so not the best analogy..but I guess what I am trying to say just because your bf does not want sex three times a day it does not mean he does not want sex, just maybe he needs a break, and wants some of the quality time too...maybe he does not want sex to define who you are, and what the relationship is. A relationships foundation must have more than sex and I think this is what he might be aiming for. Maybe HE feels rejected as you don't want to just spend quality cuddle time with him and need to have sex...think of it from his side as well as yours. Yes sex is important, but INTIMACY is more important. And while sex is intimate, intimacy is not necessarily sex.

[darkblue]

RayKay - I love the analogy

 

Humour with an important message, i like it lol.

 

SmintyMinty - Maybe what he's doing could be for the best. If you only have it every other day, it could make it better sex, for both of you.

 

As for your sex drive. Ever considered.. a suppliment?

[Universe]

And while sex is intimate, intimacy is not necessarily sex.

Amen!

 

BTW - can anyone recommend some good literature or self-help on intmacy in relationships?

 

I seem to be having the "i want it more often than her" problem. She used to want it constantly. I do agree that quantity can detract from quality. But I can relate to the feeling of rejection that SmintyMinty gets. It's not that I mind having sex less often. It's that she doesn't want it as often, especially compared to before.

But I know I have a lot of trouble with intimacy and I think it's at the root of my promblem.

[Shadows Light]

Sminty... hey.. could be worse... it could be you'd get "Luv" once a month... or every 2 months... or 3 months... and have him come up with every excuse in the book about WHY.....

 

Hell... I'd be happy with every Saturday night.... it'd give me something to look forward to.

[SlipperySammy]

As far as books go my girlfriend and I are reading 'Guys are from venus and women are from mars...in the bedroom' It is a decent book, it has its flaws and I am actually looking for the some better stuff. I like the content but it is a little dumbed down and an easy read.

 

It did really help us understand the differences between men and women and what they want in the bedroom, and just reading a book like that together can help open the lines of communication.

[beatless]

For me, once I got past my mid-20s, my sex drive really just started going downhill. I wouldn't say it was a bad thing, but I had a lot of other things happening in my life. I don't know if that was the cause of it, but I'm not the stallion I was when I was in my late teens - early 20s.

 

Everyone is different though.

 

same with me, i can be a rabbit in my teens and 20s then as i got

older, more successful in life, in my career, in my job, and the more

everyday stress, I noticed my sex energy slowed down quite a lot

 

 

[beatless]

BTW, alcohol always affect my sex drive, I usually cannot perform

 

 

 

Although for some people the opposite is the case, different body

functions.

[Universe]

BTW, alcohol always affect my sex drive, I usually cannot perform

#Beer

 

 

Although for some people the opposite is the case, different body

functions.

I read in The Joy of Sex that alchohol enhances desire, but inhibits performance.

[beatless]

I read in The Joy of Sex that alchohol enhances desire, but inhibits performance.

 

unfortunately, it does affects me on both... performance and

usually I desire to sleep instead