Borderline Personality Disorder... !!!???

[Süsser Tod]

I was reading about it, and...

 

 

I think I match most of the symptoms!!!

 

 

I was diagnosed as a "maniac-depressive" or bipolar, but most of the symptoms match me, and also those of a bipolar disorder. Are those related?

 

Wow, I think I'm even more looney than I thought. Psychiatrists are going to make a lot of money from me...

[kskm]

Best thing to do is see a psychologist so that then can diagnose you.. don't try to diagnose yourself.

[suprema99]

What are your symtoms? Some people like to plead insanity just to get off charges or use it as a way of doing things not normal, to not take the responsibility off their own actions. I'm not saying that's you, but If you really think deep down somethings wrong with you, then definatley see a professional asap.

[Süsser Tod]

I found this link (first hit on google):

 

link removed

 

- vulnerability vs invalidation

 

I feel like when I'm not correct, I'm vulnerable. I don't like to be in a position where I'm not in control or correct.

 

- active passivity (tendency to be passive when confronted with a problem and actively seek a rescuer) vs apparent competence (appearing to be capable when in reality internally things are falling apart)

 

I try to never show weakness. However, I don't always run looking for a rescuer. So I'm not 100% that one.

 

- unremitting crises vs inhibited grief.

 

hmmm

 

More symptoms:

 

- chronic/major depression

 

Yep

 

- helplessness

 

Most of the time

 

- hopelessness

 

Thats me

 

- worthlessness

 

Another one

 

- guilt

 

For whatever reasons...

 

- anger (including frequent expressions of anger)

 

I'm sorry, but yes.

 

- anxiety

 

The pills to help anxiety were good, but yes.

 

- loneliness

 

100% of the time

 

- boredom

 

Even if i know I have tons of stuff to do, I never do it, and most of the time I'm bored.

 

- emptiness

 

Try not to think about it, but maybe.

 

- odd thinking

 

Yep

 

- unusual perceptions

 

Correct

 

- nondelusional paranoia

 

Dont' know

 

- quasipsychosis

 

clueless.

 

- substance abuse/dependence

 

I smoke, and right now I'm trying ot get rid of antydepresives.

 

- sexual deviance

 

Don't think so.

 

- manipulative suicide gestures

 

I think so.

 

- other impulsive behaviors

 

Too many...

 

- intolerance of aloneness

 

Sometimes

 

- abandonment, engulfment, annihilation fears

 

Yes

 

- counterdependency

 

Correct

 

- stormy relationships

 

It sucks, but yes

 

- manipulativeness

 

Don't like to accept it, but yes.

 

- dependency

 

Yep

 

- devaluation

 

Another one

 

- masochism/sadism

 

Nope.

 

- demandingness

 

Maybe, not sure.

 

- entitlement

 

Don't know.

 

1. Shifts in mood lasting only a few hours.

 

Yes, sometimes that happens. I can get incredibly mad at someone and a couple hours later I'm cool (but obviously, whoever i hurt doesnt)

 

2. Anger that is inappropriate, intense or uncontrollable.

 

Yes, for example, I kicked my car (then i had to fix it), or my motorcycle (that required a new rear fender...).

 

3. Self-destructive acts, such as self-mutilation or suicidal threats and gestures that happen more than once

 

I think so, but I'm not that self destructive as to cut myself or somethign like that.

 

4. Two potentially self-damaging impulsive behaviors. These could include alcohol and other drug abuse, compulsive spending, gambling, eating disorders, shoplifting, reckless driving, compulsive sexual behavior.

 

I used to drink a lot. Not very good when your dad has to come to your neighbours house to pick you up while you are stone drunk with your face on the floor. But I always try to keep myself safe.

 

5. Marked, persistent identity disturbance shown by uncertainty in at least two areas. These areas can include self-image, sexual orientation, career choice or other long-term goals, friendships, values.

 

Yep thats me. Very bad self image, not comfortable at times with my career choice and can't fix myself long term goals. Friendships??? Guess that requires friends, I have none. Values, I think those are quite strong.

 

6. Chronic feelings of emptiness or boredom.

 

Yes, specially on weekends. I like to work on weekends not to get so bored.

 

7. Unstable, chaotic intense relationships characterized by splitting

 

Haven't had many relationships, but the few I've had, had been like that.

 

8. Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment

 

Yep, I always feel people try to stay away from me, or abandon me.

 

9. Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms

 

Yeah, sometimes.

 

- They may have problems with object constancy. When a person leaves (even temporarily), they may have a problem recreating or remembering feelings of love that were present between themselves and the other. Often, BPD patients want to keep something belonging to the loved one around during separations.

 

Yep, thats me.

 

- People with BPD are often bright, witty, funny, life of the party.

 

Definitely not me. I always go unnoticed at partys.

 

- They frequently have difficulty tolerating aloneness, even for short periods of time

 

Mixed feelings about that. Guess I've had to get used to that.

 

- Their lives may be a chaotic landscape of job losses, interrupted educational pursuits, broken engagements, hospitalizations

 

Dropped out from college, twice. Quit my past job as one day I got bored and couldn't stand my boss anymore, so I just went and picked up my stuff.

 

 

 

Worse part is I don't trust in psychiatrists/psychologists anymore. When I go to therapy I get to know the guy/gal and end up maniputaling/telling him(her) whatever he wants to hear. A couple of psychologists have refused to work with me anymore as they couldnt' move forward. And I never went back to therapy with my last psychiatrist as I felt no progress was being made.

[Süsser Tod]

wow, that was a long post!

[phishgirl]

Well, of course first of all, I recommend you get an assessment from your nearest community mental heatlh center. As a case worker for people with mental illnesses, I have experience helping both bipolar and Borderline Personality disorder clients daily, amongst other illnesses. It's difficult to determine the boundary between Bipolar and BPD, as the symptoms are similar. Both have difficulty with decision-making, concentration, racing thoughts, fear of abandonment,dependence on others, etc. One main difference is that typically, those with BPD have a history of sexual abuse mainly, followed by physical and emotional/psychological abuse. As a result, they are unsure of proper boundaries with others and are frequently promiscuous in finding the partner to fulfill their sexual needs. This stems from the sexual abuse-BPD sufferers typically look for ways to find comfort, and their sexual past has made them realize that sexual affection is the proper way to find it. Cutting is another way-BPDs' pain is so great on the inside, they look for physical means to ease the pain, or to stop crying. Now, if you have racing thoughts and your moods change daily at the drop of a hat, you're most likely Bipolar. If your depresssed moods last a long time, and your "okay" moods last a while too, in a longer cycle, you're likely BPD, along with the symptoms I mentioned above. Talk to a psychologist, psychiatrist, or MSW about your symptoms. Note: the psychiatrist I work with can see a client for 10 minutes and gain a good insight to your diagnosis and illness. Don't discount mental health professionals simply because they barely spent time with you. You're not alone. They know others just like you, and based on experience, it's easy to tell your symptoms. Go with it, get on a good mood stabilizer and continue with your Klonopin, Ativan, or Xanax, and find a good, supportive case worker to check up on you. Good luck and FOLLOW THROUGH!

[Süsser Tod]

(

 

I used to take mood stabilizer (magnesium valproate), anti anxiety pills (another opium derivate, similar to valium) and the antidepresive, Efexor XR.

 

Antidepresives don't work very well, or at least Efexor and other of the "new" antidepresives. I've built tolerance to the stuff, and phisical dependency.

 

 

My mooth changes because a fly flies in front of me. Usually I wake up indiferent but by 6pm I'm depressed (it takes me about half day to notice that this day sucks, just like every other day). So I guess my doctor was right, I'm bipolar. I haven't been abused sexualy,, but I think I had my fair share of menthal abuse, but mostly by other kids and teachers, as I always was the problem kid, so I was always represed by my teachers/parents, and teased by the other kids.

 

 

 

To tell the truth, what is the point of going to therapy? I've got something messed up on my genes, I'm missing the "happiness" gene, so therapy is not going to fix anything, the only way to "fix me" is to keep me fed with enough pills. So at the end I will just be paying to get prescriptions, as therapy is not going to help with the chemical problems in my brain.

 

That is exactly what happened with my last psychiatrist, I ended up going and paying just for the prescriptions.

 

And by now I can't afford spending almost half of my income in therapy! There are nothing like community mental health services here in Mexico.

[suprema99]

Hey, my post was a little harsh, I appologize susser. It's a shame that some people have to endure some stuff like physical abuse and whatnot or whatever your feeling. My point was to mean that there's no miracle out there or even drug that will make you happy for the rest of your life. Part of things are in your own mind. Maybe it's chemicals, maybe it's your own thought process that needs to be rewired. I believe most doctors of any kind like to prescribe drugs. I have that feeling that's how it is.. I don't think it's their fault, I just believe they deal with the same people everyday, so you might not be any different from one patient to the other. You have to try to believe in yourself, that you can be better. You really can't go through life just relying on drugs and medications to make your life better. I'm sure they work, but you said you got addicted to them and they're not working. I believe in the term, you got to wanna help yourself, before you can be helped. At least that's a good start. Goodluck

[Napoleon Bonaparte]

You need to recognize that those mood disorders (unlike bipolar and schizophrenia) that are not chemically proven, have a great deal of subjectivity and theory behind them.

In other words, THEY ARE NOT SCIENCE.

You as a human being are more than a diagnosis and disorder. That's what the modern mental health field has lost sight of even though some are finally beginning to ackowledge it.

That means (as Searle would put it) because you are conscious of decision making you are free willed. You can act how you want and do not have to be that diagnosis.

[Süsser Tod]

I've gave up a long time ago. Its scary I've got no will to live anymore. Today I went to buy a coke, as I was crossing the street there comes this minivan taking a turn wide and too fast. I just look at it, stood there and thought "finally", but he was able to avoid me.

 

Proven chemical disorders, bipolar, thats it. I'm screwed for life. There is no chance of getting better, just more stupid pills that don't work. That is not life!

[Napoleon Bonaparte]

Suzzer I'm a rare and serious instance of bipolar. Type 1. Worst kind.

My father was a psychiatrist who had it and commited suicide.

I take pills. They didn't work for a loooong time but now I found the right ones and they've done wonders...

You gotta keep trying.

[Süsser Tod]

Its hard to have motivation...

 

 

As motivation only brings more life, and more life only brings more pain. I've had enough of what I don't need, I feel no difference at all when I'm motivated or not, pain is still there.

 

For me every new day is just one more day of pain and suffering. This is not life, is hell, and i'm trapped on it.

[Napoleon Bonaparte]

suzer would hospitialization be an option?

[Süsser Tod]

Yes, but only if I can sell my organs to afford it. But since organ traffic is a crime, I don't think that would be possible...

 

 

Ah, by the way, where? I live in a 3rd world country!

[Napoleon Bonaparte]

Suzzer I know free treatment at one of the best hospitials in the world.

I am not sure if they accept foreignors or not. However I can offer you the link if you are willing to call.

[Süsser Tod]

No, I've never tried another antidepresive, as my doctor told the that "Efexor XR is one of the new and safest drugs, the old ones have very bad side effects".

 

So he scared me away from other drugs. I know Aropax (Paxil, Seroxat), while being a different drug, behaves the same and has the same side effects. And that was the only other "safe drug" my doctor told me about.

 

Napoleon: Where would that be?

[AmbivalentOne]

I was reading about it, and...

 

 

I think I match most of the symptoms!!!

 

 

I was diagnosed as a "maniac-depressive" or bipolar, but most of the symptoms match me, and also those of a bipolar disorder. Are those related?

 

Wow, I think I'm even more looney than I thought. Psychiatrists are going to make a lot of money from me...

 

 

A lot of psychiatrists misdiagnose bpd for bipolar disorder or vice versa. I was first diagnosed as bipolar but I do not meet most of the symptoms. I have all of the symptoms of BPD and was diagnosed. I think that my shrink was trying to diagnose me with Bipolar II as well but never clarified it before I stopped going for treatment. I think you should get a second opinion if you believe that you have been misdiagnosed.