Communications Troubles

[SilenThunder]

I'm an inch away from screaming in my girlfriends face... She never fails to disappoint me or blow me off one way or another...

 

She has a busy schedule, he has two jobs (one is babysitting) and that takes up most of her evenings and some of her weekends... I understand she is busy with that and I understand we can not hang out that often.

 

So the time we do spend together, it important to me... Usually it is for 5 hours or so a saturday or sunday sometimes bother or sometimes for a few hours during a weekday... Usually thats the extent of it.

 

When we have some time planned to hang out... Something always seems to come up usually, if she's not picking up extra shifts... Then someone has asked her for an "emergency" babysit.

 

What really got to me is we were hanging out sunday night... Her friend calls her to study, so she leaves... I dont want to go out, but I dont want her to leave... She told me earlier that morning she had nothing to study for (exam next day)... But she didn't tell me everything so I got all pissed off and freaked out...

 

So we planned today to go roller blading, she was supposed to call at 12 or this morning... She never called... So i've been waiting for her, tried to call her and now basically i'm sitting here PISSED off waiting to here or god damned excuse as to why she blew me off and why she didn't at LEAST tell me.

 

She's not open about her feelings either... She doesn't tell me when she's mad, she acts happy... I've told her again and again to let me know what she's feeling because I dont want to assume when she's mad or soemthing and be wrong about it.

 

I love the time I spend with her but I always end up feeling put down one way or another... Her plans are always changing and I guess that kinda makes me feel like i'm not one of her priorities along side friends and family...

 

I know that if my friends asked me to go study, I would just said sorry I'm hanging out with my girlfriend... If I had a date planned with her, then I would keep that time clear so we could spend the time together... She just, doesn't get it... It's so frustrating ot me, and I've explained all this to her and all I got is "i'll speak when I need to speak" like WTF is that?! Argh...

 

I'm happy in this relationship but this communication barrier has GOT to change if things are to work out.... I just dont know how to tell her that... I've tried, but... it just doesn't get accross to her.

[BellaDonna]

Try doing what you did here:

 

Write it all down and give it to her in a letter or e-mail. That will ensure that you say what you need to say, without screaming. Tell her how it makes you FEEL when she acts like this.

 

You have a right to be upset if she is taking your time and your schedule (ultimately YOU) for granted by being inconsiderate.

 

Good Luck!

 

BellaDonna

[kimichuck]

Sounds like the exact problem i had with an ex and everytime i tried to explain how i felt he just basically swept the issue aside. I ended up feeling really rather worthless and uncared for, which made me in general pretty depressed in all areas of life. What i would say is like BellaDonna says if you can't get her to understand how you feel by talking cos she is cutting you off write it down, give it to her and if things don't change get out of the relationship. It may be a bit of a problem now but for me it escalated into something pretty big and led to the end of the relationship, as i wasn't happy as i felt like i was having to constantly nag to get his attention.

Like i said if things don't change you have to have the strength to let go no matter how great things are when you are together for those short periods of time.

[DN]

Well, you are obviously not happy in this relationship. And justifiably so. Talk to her, tell her how you feel and why. If she doesn't make changes, consider whether the relationship is making you more unhappy than happy and decide what to do based on that.

[Fif Angel]

I had the EXACT same problem with my boyfriend. He would always always have some excuse or reason why he couldn`t see me that evening etc, in fact half the time he was supposedly too busy to phone me.

 

Eventually I realisd the simple truth: if you really love someone/wanna be with them then you MAKE time for them, no matter how busy you are.

 

If you can`t get through to her then I would probably write her a letter or an e-mail explaining exactly how upsetting and frustrating it for you. By writing it down she can`t interrupt, fob you off with an excuse and has to really think about it.

 

The more you nag her/shout at her you will end up pushing her away and making her WANT to spend less time with her so written communication is the key.

 

From what you`ve said it sounds like there`s still time to solve this problem. If you let it go for too long then it can become a habit with her...

[struggle4reason]

I'm having a similar problem with my girlfriend. I believe it totally has to do with her past.

 

So i'm curious to know what her past is? (i.e. Relationships)