Cheating by hanging out with male friends?

[lillady898]

If you're in a relationship with someone, is it considered cheating if you hang out one-on-one with someone of the opposite sex, even if you're not sexually or even physically involved? Some people seem to think that If I hang out one-on-one with my male friends, these are automatically considered "dates." thereforeeee, it is cheating. Even though these are just 100% platonic friends.

 

I know in the end I really just have to ask my boyfriend how he feels about me hanging out with them. I definetly wouldn't mind hanging out with these friends in large groups if it really would make my boyfriend feel more comfortable.

 

It'd be nice to here others' opinions or stories on this, though.

[GettingOverIt]

Not at all... I have had lunch with friends/co-workers (female), and I would not see that as cheating. If my wife went to lunch with a male friend of hers, I would not see that as cheating.

 

You two have to be able to trust each other in situations like these, or everything will fall apart.

 

You do need to talk to him about it, for sure. And, I think it is admirable that you are willing to hang out in groups if there does seem to be a problem...

[Mun]

Why don't you invite your boyfriend to come along? Then nobody will consider this cheating.

[shes2smart]

I've always had more male friends than female friends, and whatever guys I've been romantically involved with had to deal with it.

 

To build on what muneca said...my male friends were great at screening my (potential) bf's...they looked out for me. More than once, my guy buddies were able to identify issues with bf's that I was too love-struck to see at the time.

 

As long as your bf is aware of your guy buddies and knows you're hanging out with them, that's not cheating. In cheating, there's always an element of something being hidden and lied about.

[Mysterious Gurl]

Hey,

 

It's not classed as cheating what so ever if your hanging around with friends and as Muneca said you can invite your boyfriend along and then no-one will have a reason to see it as cheating.

 

Miya

[djedix]

My new G/F has a few boys as friends, people she works with, and some she knew before me obviously. I really don't mind her hanging out with them, because she pretty much tells me everything that happens when they hang out...(I don't sit there and ask her what she did she just comes out and tells me). I've noticed her even more when she gets a phone call or a text message she tells me who it is. Again I don't ask. I trust her.

[xmrth]

Personally, I think it's sketchy and I'd call it possible cheating. That's just how I personally feel about it.

Obviousely if you're not doing anything wrong, then you're not cheating... but in my eyes I just see anyone doing that as being sketchy. It all comes down to what your boyfriend thinks of it, and what you think of it. If it's all alright there, than to you two it's fine. But somehow I can't see it as being okay in anybody-- again, that's just how I feel.

[lifeiscash]

I don't think its cheating but then again its easy to assume that you are. I am in the similar situations at times in relationships becuase I have more girl friends then I do guy friends. You have to be honest with your partner and let him know that you are just friends. IF he has a hard time accepting that then maybe you can compromise and accept this fault and find some other alternative.

[RayKay]

I don't see it as cheating either. I have male friends too, just because my interests are often more populated with men rather than women. I have a couple male friends that I go on cycling rides with and so on just the two of us for example, or sometimes meet for drinks or something. It is purely platonic on everyone's end.

 

That being said, my boyfriend has met them, and I am completely honest with him when I am going to see them, and he is always invited if he wishes to come along. There is no secrecy, and he is supportive of my friendships, just as I am of his friendships whether with men or women (he does have female friends he does see after all).

 

We trust one another, and also know we adore each other and no one else and honour our commitment to one another. There is no emotional or physical cheating on either of our parts!

[djedix]

I admit i don't like the fact that my g/f hangs out one on one with other guys, but who am i to tell her who to hang out with? I don't wana be like that. I don't wana tell her who and who she cant be friends with. I've done it before with exs and it never goes over well... I'm just gonna TRUST her

[kskm]

I don't think that it's cheating either. I have plenty of guy friends, and my boyfriend has the same amount, maybe more of girl friends. Now I wouldn't like plan a really nice dinner or anything like that with them, and if my boyfriend started to feel uncomfortable about it I would definitally find a way to make him feel more comfortable. Plus my boyfriends usually have total trust in me because that's just the person I am.. a non cheating one.

I would trust her until something comes into your guts not to. Or just talk to her about it- communication is a must.

[Cecelius]

I was going to say, the OP didn't really say what the hanging out was.

 

Lunch, no problem.

 

Dinner, drinks more than once in a blue moon, movies, hanging wall paper, visiting houses? Nope, shady.

 

This isn't about someone telling you what to do, it's a question of whether what you do makes them want to stay or go.

 

A few things to think about:

 

1) A person involved in a relationship avoids improper conduct and it's appearance

 

2) A person involved in a relationship doesn't stick their hand in the lion's mouth (see #3)

 

3) Most men know that most other men, if given the right opportunity, would sleep with their female friends (whether they have ever wanted this, contemplated it or otherwise, whether it is romantic). It just happens. When/if the dude tries something, the b/f's first thought is that it wouldn't have happened if the g/f had been able to draw lines.

 

4) In the experience of some men, women with mostly/a lot of male friends have attention needs, tend to have low self esteem, and usually have hooked up with the male friends.

[I_love_rain_hugs_and_you]

I think you should do what Muneca said, and invite him out when you go out with your male friend.

 

I personally don't initiate friendships with girls who I know have boyfriends or husbands. I think its wrong. I only try to be friends with girls who are single.

[I_love_rain_hugs_and_you]

Also, it depends on your boyfriend or husband. Some guys don't care if thier wives or girlfriends make close male friends, as long as they are the only ones who get to sleep with her. But other guys don't want any other guys with thier girls, out of fear that they might lose them.

[BillyJean714]

It really depends. For me, I hang out only if we're studying together. In that case, it's strictly platonic. However, I find that there's always this weird tension. It always ends up as a friendship that isn't really platonic when in fact it should be. In the end, the other person takes the friendship as something else, even if they know that the person that they're hanging out with has a bf. Usually, for me, I feel more comfortable if we're all hanging out in a group. In that case, I feel that a friendship with the oppossite sex is more 'platonic.' This is just my own opinion. Personally, it's really iffy and I would not. Based on my own personal experience, even if was a boyfriend's friend the friendship often was not as platonic. When we'd break up, that's when his buddy would move in and drama would happen. It really depends on each person's character and individual motives.

 

I'm somewhat in agreement with Xmrth. My ex told me something that's pretty true, "If there isn't any physical attraction on both parties, then the friendship is more likely to be platonic." If you're not attracted to other person and at the same time if that person isn't attracted to you, then it's completely innocent. Just to play it safe, I would go with Muneca's advice.

[QTpie87]

when I was dating this guy we had sorta a little deal with that whole thing. See my idea was that if they are only friends and nothign more and he doesn't have anything to hide then I could get to know them too, and guess what it turned out that I liked all his gfs and we all hung out a lot, and he hung out alone with them a lot. But when you start sayign no you can't get to know them thats when things get messy, cause there was one girl he wouldn't let me met and so I assumed he was cheating, guess what he was, and he left me for her.

just my 2 cents.

Qtpie87

[Iceman26]

The best way to avoid issues like these is to bring it up and talk about it to your boyfriend. He will tell you what hes comfortable with and what he isnt comfortable with.

 

Personally, I think an issue like this is best settled when you are starting to date someone.

 

For me, I refused to date girls that hung out with guy friends, and it was never really an issue of trusting the girl. I dont trust the men they are hanging out with. I dont trust the situation, and it makes me uncomfortable.

[Mr. Cactus]

I agree. This sort of behaviour would make me uncomfortable too. If I had a girlfriend I really would not want her doing this sort of thing, and I certainly wouldn't do it myself either. Then again, I wouldn't attempt to start a relationship with a girl who had a propensity to that sort of thing anyway. I just don't have any faith in the whole platonic male-female friendship thing. The stories I hear of such relationships fail to convince me I am afraid. I would be comfortable with a girlfriend being an acquaintance or colleague of one or more males, but not friends to the point where they want to plan to spend time together.

 

But as Iceman pointed out, I really agree it's best to sort this out right at the beginning. And if it can't be sorted out then it is much easier to move on, since the relationship never really started in the first place.

[socalguy123]

I had this problem with my now ex-gf, when she hung out with her guy-friends. She never had many girlfriends, but that's part of the territory, as she's in the computer field, most of her schooling, she's been 1 girl in 40 in the classes she took, etc.

 

However, that being said... when we were dating, there were guys that she was friends with, that I just KNEW were friends--i.e. she didn't have any interest in them, they didn't have any interest in her, and it was a true mutual friendship. If there was any interest beyond friendship between my ex and her guy-friends, it was so subdued, it didn't matter...

 

And then there were guys that she was friends with, that I could tell there was chemistry. When I saw her interact with them there was some chemistry, some form of wooing or flirtation that was beyond just normal friendship. I did have a problem with her spending alone-time with them... Especially since whenever I was around, I would see this behavior that showed to me they were basically hanging on her every word, acting more like interested guys, than just friends... Annoying to say the least, but what was most annoying, and what basically helped end my relationship with her, was the fact that my ex would not "cop to" their "beyond-friendship" interests, nor her own. She liked the attention, and enjoyed keeping their sites on her. But anyway, I digress.

 

She was honest with me, but not completely up-front about things. Now, to stop demonizing her, I have to admit, I could have just dropped her early on. But instead, I was in love, and didn't want to leave her, but I kept laying out rules that just weren't realistic...

[socalguy123]

Oh yeah... I forgot to mention--that she ended up hooking up with one of those so-called "friends", who she used to hang out with fairly inappropriately, even after I told her this was a problem...

 

He basically had no problem asking her to go grab dinner, go for a bikeride, etc... She had no problem obliging him. Their actions pushed me to become more protective and angry. Which, in the end, dissolved the relationship. She wasn't worth it... Women have to decide, if they have a man they care for, that they REALLY are just friends, and aren't just dodging the truth.

 

So, I now understand AND accept, All's Fair in Love and War.

[Cecelius]

Oh yeah... I forgot to mention--that she ended up hooking up with one of those so-called "friends", who she used to hang out with fairly inappropriately, even after I told her this was a problem...

 

He basically had no problem asking her to go grab dinner, go for a bikeride, etc... She had no problem obliging him. Their actions pushed me to become more protective and angry. Which, in the end, dissolved the relationship. She wasn't worth it... Women have to decide, if they have a man they care for, that they REALLY are just friends, and aren't just dodging the truth.

 

So, I now understand AND accept, All's Fair in Love and War.

 

Shocking.

 

One red flag to always look for is a girl with a lot/majority male friends, and/or friends with dude's she's hooked up with or exes. Not worth it to get emotionally involved.