Having one of those days...

[kinatra]

Sorry just having a bad day. It's been about 3 weeks since my break up with my girlfriend of 4 and half years. Just was walking around today feeling pretty low, lonely, sad, hopeless, etc. Future just looks bleak... perhaps it's just one of those days.... Just thinking about the feeling she gave me...they way she looked at me, made me feel, the love, etc. Anybody else out there having tough times after their breakup?

[segagirl]

Sending you love, support, hugs and anything else you need today. And all of us who have lost someone we love...have that pain you are talking about...

[solstice48]

Actually its turning out to be one of those years. UGH!

[Vlycero]

Kinatra.... Im in same situation sorta.... cept my fiance broke up with me on our 3 year anniversary June 4th, and 2 days later filed an injunction for domestic abuse for things that happened that I said I would never do again.

 

Went to court today, judge gave her a 1 year extension so I cant see or talk to her for a year now, and have to go through violence counseling for the next 6 months.

 

I wont make excuses for grabbing her by the back of the neck, kicking her in the leg and the verbal abuse when I got angry, ( this happened months and months ago ) but the only way to fix a problem is to work on the issues at hand. Now I have a year to do so, and realize that it wont be with her...but will help me with someone else in the future.

 

Good luck to you man, dont push a relationship that has no future or you could have what happened to me, happen to you when she decides you are being too controlling.

[cobro]

Dude, that is completely normal. It has been about 2 months since my ex broke up with me to go back to HER ex. I haven't talked to her for over 3 weeks and I have started going out again, having fun, I even have a date this weekend. Despite all of this, I still have the occasional day where I will just go to my bed and cry like a baby, missing the GOOD parts of the former relationship..Asking and crying why, how, and what did I do, what is wrong with me. After these "episodes", I pick back up and move on. It's hard but getting better, slowly but surely. I know I can pick up the phone anytime and call her, but I can't and it will be a very long time before I can, if ever. It would hurt too much. Good luck and you are not the only one going through this.

Later,

cobro

[mrsadman]

Yeah man I know what you been through I've been feeling bad too after my girl broke up with me and the hardest part remembering the good thoughts of the ex the best thing to do is write here at enotalone.com and go the gym you wouldn't believe how many good looking girls hang out there at least the gym I go to. But hey man their going to be bad days and really bad days but we heartbroken souls just have to try work through them.

[BananaRamma01]

okay, so your life's a drag right now... that's okay...take it as expirience.

This whole ordeal is making you a stronger person, so hold your head high and move on to something bigger and better. I know it's easier said than done, but it's a learning, healing, growing process... you'll leave it behind as a better man.

 

Always...

BananaRamma01

 

[2clueless]

Hey Kinatra

 

Yes of course we all have these days, 3 weeks for me to, and still have those moments.

 

Actually had an entire weekend moment ! Went away to the cottage with a bunch of friends and of course they are all couples. What sucks is that you all of a sudden start seeing the little affections people show for each other and it makes me miss that !!! Miss Him !

 

For me it is the simple things that I miss so much ...the little pecks, the affectionate touch etc.. Also to me, it all of a sudden seems as though the world is couples everywhere .... everywhere I look....

 

Anyway this I am sure will all pass with time, it just sucks right now and the best thing is...think back to three weeks ago and think how you felt it will never be that bad again !!!!

 

I'm sure we will be posting in three weeks time again, and it will be better than now as well !!!

 

8)

[kinatra]

2clueless,

 

Your too clueless from my point of view.... Hey you are right. Things will get better. Just cannot seem to stop looking at her picture and thinking about her. I am nuts... All I can think of is the saying of, "can't live with em and can't live without them." Ahhh.... Yeah 2clueless, I know what you mean with respect to couples. I too look around and see the lovey dovey couples and go what the hell... I love that movie, "3 weddings and a funeral," especially the soundtrack since it goes real well with my life right now, which is, "they're playing songs of love, but not for me...."

 

Well enough messing about...time to get back to work....

 

See ya gang and remember the words of Lee Iococca (who I am not a huge fan of) when he said, "We are constantly faced by great opportunities brilliantly disguised as insoluble problems."

 

Cheers,

 

Kinatra

[2clueless]

Well said eaqrlier it wouldn't get any worse !! Well it did !

 

Found out the my Ex of just three weeks has alredy started dating, talking toa mutual friend today form the marina, and he had her out on the boat on the weekend !! Anyway found out and called him, asked if he was cheating all along, or course says noand then says that he has done nothing wrong that after all it has been three weeks !! Augh !!!

 

When he left he said he needed to be alone, as if !!!!

 

What a S***Head, anyway as you said before Kinatra at least this is happening now and not later when we could have been married etc...just hurts like heck !! Really don't get how someone moves on so quick, he must have left me to be with her !! No way he meet her last week after he got back from FLa. and already taking her out for full days on the boat !!

 

Well he certainly filled a void real quick !!! I think his problem was he was to good looking and to rich !! Thinks he can do anything !!! He actually had the nerve to start yelling at me and getting mad at me becasue I called him after a three weeks and asked him that he actually tried to lame blame on me by saying I forced moving in etc when I was always the one to pull back !! I should n't be surprised though he didi this to his ex wife as well - I think there may be serious underlying issue with teh loss of his mother as a teenager after looking after her for so long, may have something to do with him always deserting happy relationships and jumping into the next !!

 

WOW sorry for the Vent - just pissed I guess

[kinatra]

What I meant to say is your not too clueless. So he is dating someone else? *** him! You can do better! And as I said, better to have found out now....I mean you could've married this guy and had kids only to find out later that it wasn't meant to be....again *** him! It obvious he had no problem filling the void, which should make it allot easier for you to get over him because he is a rotten apple - may still look good from the outside, but you better that if you bind into it is rotten with worms and stuff...YUCK!

 

#1 Rule for you 2clueless is to forget about him. Don't be trying to find out information or let yourself think about what he may be doing. You need to let him go, which is easier said than done. But when your mind starts to think things, you need to say, "that was the past....and the past is what it is - OVER!

 

Good luck, I know you will persevere and you were lucky to have found out, before you got married, that he wasn't good enough for you.

 

 

Be well and try not to put too much stress on yourself. As my friend said to me last night, I should have a month to myself where I go out with people everynight and generally treat myself well. Although I don't need it, the base of the idea is good, which is too be relaxed on yourself. The toughest place for you to get over him is in your mind - that's your battlefield. Much like seeing an argument before it happens, you need to stop your brain from diving into the memories of your ex....

 

Anyway......good luck!

 

Kinatra

[reborn]

Actually,

I read your posting because I am having one of those days. But I was uplifted a bit to see that in your last answer you are actually feeling better and even encouraging others. That put a smile on my face.

It´s also true what you said that your mind is the battlefield. Well, the last 3 days or so, I feel I am fighting a loosing one. I know things will get better, if I just keep holding on, but it just hurts soooooooooooo much right now.

There is not much point saying my story. I have posted it before and maybe some of you have read it. In any case, what it all comes down to, for many of us, no matter what the details is that we are in love and yearning someone that does not desire to be with us. The worst is that they once did. I am in lots of pain, preety much my ex doesn´t feel he is in love with me anymore. I guess he got sort of tired, overwelmed due to his and mine situation at the time of the breakup. We did have differences like all couples but that just made them umberable for him I guess. He needed more space, I was a bit more controlling. It happens, but I thought there was love, now there only is some sisterly affection, which makes me sick to my stomagh. I just wonder many times when the love ended. I feel really, really guilty because I didn´t fall out of love, he did so I obviously did something very wrong.

 

I want to tell him so many things, to try to make it right, but after our last conversation when he said he didn´t love me anymore, I feel like I am mute or something.I also try to remember though I can´t even think straight that one cannot control another person. He won´t come back even if I tell him that I understand why he broke up and I will be perfect. Though I wish I could say it, to feel like I have done everything, but then maybe I feel humiliated. Well, telling him is the only thing I could posibly do but that is a nonoption.

 

So, nothing. I just have to go on, day by day. Swallow my pain. Think that I will explode with pain, think I am going crazy. Feel the unconfortableness and just trust what people say in this forum that it passes, although it doesn´t seem that way right now.

 

It goes in circles you know. Last week I felt very empowered, this week I am consumed by pain and guilt. I try to find some hope, where there seems to be none. Sometimes the only way to make the pain go away is to fool my self that he will come back. But, you can´t fool yourself too long can you?

So today I am feeling like there is a hell inside me. I have to be in the office and put a normal face. I have go and do things, and I feel angry that I am going through this not my ex. They feel something when they leave but it cannot possibly compare to the broken ego, pain, agony, guilt, vulnerability, sadness, missing, yearning, grief, physical tiredness, no desire of living or waking up that we the dumped go through. It is ok, or better when 2 people realize we are not made for each other. But when one decides you are not the right person for me or whatever else that translates into that then you feel rejected to your core, specially and tragically when you do love that person.

 

Oh well, went off into a tangent here. Just needed to write and let it out. I feel so miserable today, my friends are so sick and tired of listening to my story or about my ex, that the only place I can express my self is here. So, sorry I blahed so long. Thanks for your time.

--reborn

[kinatra]

All I can say is I hear you reborn.... Your not alone in your pain. I know it's hard to imagine that there are many people out there just like you, this forum is proof. I read some of your earlier posts and saw some wonderful replies from people who were going through the same thing. Reading your message made me think of my own girlfriend and she might have similar feelings; however, I think she is now resolved to move on. I still have enormous feelings for her but was never able to give her the ring or feel ready to entertain the joyful thought of marriage. Anyway, I am in pain to and as you say, I was the dumper....but I don't think it matters which side you are on....

 

Anyway, cheer up reborn! There is someone out there for you. Although this time looks very dark and cloudy and you can't see the foot in front of you because of the pain - you will emerge one day.... The pain and loss you feel is normal.... I long for my girlfriend too and look at her picture ever so often. I have wanted to burn everything and erase all the pictures of her from my computer but have been unable to go that far. There is still a part of me that thinks we will get back together....but my mind says that we are not right for each other. Ahhhh.....what can I say, love is tough and painful sometimes.....but that's life and living. One day you will look back at this episode objectively and appreciate everything (ups and downs) for what it is - living life.

 

Let me know if you need to talk further. I, like so many other nice people are here for you when you need us.

 

Kinatra

[michelemybell]

Whoa! Reborn, what you wrote is exactly what I'm going through right now---the same feelings, the same highs and lows. I can totally relate. Everything was right on what you wrote. I guess feel reassured that there are others out there going through what you are right now. You are definitely NOT ALONE!

My ex and I were in love...or so I thought because one day he decided it was over and I haven't heard from him since (2 1/2 months ago)--except scraps here and there through his roommate. It was basically the same thing as you and your ex---he needed more space and I was a bit more controlling (or more like I wanted a commitment and he wanted his freedom).

Same as you, I wonder if I really did something so bad and that is why he could just end it and move on and I'm left here to suffer. I wonder if he ever thinks of me at all. I don't want him to suffer, but it would be nice if he felt just an ounce of guilt or remorse or any feeling. Maybe he does. I don't know.

Keep on posting here---you don't know how much it helps to read your story and get strength from it.