Is it true?, women take longer to consider there actions....

[urbangentleman]

Do women when they break up with you and there are no 3rd parties, take longer to think and process about what they have given up than men do.Example NC for 4 weeks, yet she asked me to call her in 1-2 months.Why????...Is it time or?

 

What are your experiences?

[melrich]

I don't think it is a gender thing. Some people are just more considered and take longer to process decisions than others.

[heloladies21]

I've read your other posts. Come on man, you guys were together for 3 months, just a fling in her mind i'm sure. Drop the case and move on. She's just trying to string you along and boost her ego. She wants to see if you'll still be hung up on her in a couple of months while she's out there testing the waters with other guys.

 

And most of the time by this point 3rd parties are involved, whether you know about them or not.

[Liquidius]

When i've split with ex's in the past, I've done it because i've wanted to and didnt really think about it at all. In fact, I've only just started thinking about the ex I split up with 2 years ago now lol But I still wouldnt go back on my decision.

 

I think it depends on the individual

[The_Doc]

Wow very cynical reply Hello Ladies -- shes boosting her ego and trying other guys!!!

 

Look all of this talk by many people about 'stringing along', 'insurance policies' etc it all assumes that dumpers (particularly when they are women) are acting in a rational, scheming and calculated way. Given the sheer ammount of confusion in postings on this forum about the way exs behave towards each other I think this is far from the truth. I know through mutual friends that my ex (who dumped me) is a) not seeing anyone and b) is very sad and lonely c) emotionall tired and stressed. Hardly boosting her ego...

 

Several people have commented that often the dumpee 'sees what they want to see', 'hears what they want to hear', believes their ex is stringing them along because they are despearte for a reconciliation when in fact the ex is probably not. I know I have analysed and over analysed, text messages, phone calls etc etc, instead of just taking them at face value.

 

Many people -- and i think this is especially true for women (if I'm wrong correct me girls) -- do not want to lose everything when they break up with a long-term partner, especially if the break-up is not one that is bitter or caused by betrayal. They want to keep some kind of contact, even a firendship. In most cases this is too painful for one or both aprties but occasionally this does happen and succeed.

 

As for there being a third party involved... well maybe but maybe not. Maybe this woman has commitment issues and wanted to back off, in such a case why would she necessarily want to shack up with someone else so soon. Maybe she needs time alone and wants time alone. A good female firend of mine had her heartbroken last year and has been single since. She harbours no desire to get back with her ex and after a pariod of months they got back in touch and are now friends. She is enjoying being a single woman.

 

In this particular case maybe she genuinely neeed some time by herself -- it does happen occasionally. I think there is only one way for Urb to find out. When he feels emotionally strong enough to do so, he should call her and on the basis of what is said or not said decide for himself whether he finally has closure or whether there is something there. Many other posters have said pretty much the same thing.

[Royltnxile]

Very insightful post Doc!

 

I agree with most of what you said. Far too many people on here are quick to condemn with the "ego boost", "stringing you along"...etc..etc...and one of my favorites "break ups happen for a reason". It's often times NOT a clear cut case of "they just aren't that into you because if they were, they would be with you and everything would be roses all the way".

 

Well, my 4 month relationship WAS roses all the way, and getting better and better. Overnight she sabotaged it when her panic and fear got the best of her (commitment issues). I never doubted if she was into me or not, she always acted like she was. It was obvious and apparent.

 

My point, without going deep into my story, is that people do have issues, sometimes issues so big it would take a panel of psychologists to help them. Alot of times it IS a case of "it's not you, it's me".

 

People who dismiss the "it's not you, it's me" concept as just being another kinder excuse to let someone down are missing the point....people have issues with themselves which prevent them from having successful relationships, even with people who are perfectly suited for them. The idea that "love conquers all and if they were just into you, all would be good" is bogus because love doesn't conquer all, and think about it: My ex has all these issues with herself...there isn't one guy out there who is magically going to "fix" these issues for her, regardless of how "into" him she might be. The solutions to my ex's issues, and those of Urban's girl lie only in their own heads and hearts.

 

Try and move on Urban, as much as it hurts, It's the only thing that is going to save your sanity. If she wants to come back to you and resume the relationship, then let her come to you. Meantime, keep getting on with life...because life is a beautiful thing.

[chai714]

Do women when they break up with you and there are no 3rd parties, take longer to think and process about what they have given up than men do.Example NC for 4 weeks, yet she asked me to call her in 1-2 months.Why????...Is it time or?

 

What are your experiences?

 

The answer to your question is that neither man nor woman take longer to think about and process what they have given up. The psychological process of giving up another man or woman is not gender specific. The thought process is similar, and is based on previous knowledge and/or experiences he/she has lived through. In your case, I urge you not to call her in her 1-2 month frame, as this is a way of her keeping control of the situation. Don't give her that power over you. Instead, you can "save her for later" by dating others and keeping in touch with her down the line, if you think she's worth your time.

Remember, the more time you spend with someone, the more investments you have (emotional ties, experiences). If you invest your time in someone who has no desire to be with you, or have few things in common with, it's probably a bad investment.

[urbangentleman]

Thank you to all again, who faithlfully reply.I just want to make one thing clear here, i am not crazy nor do i plan to post every otherday a new question.I just think it's my way of deciding on a point of action whether that be calling, or staying in NC and moving on for NOW.

 

Reading all the replies that you respectful people post, is what helps me in the slow process for a rediness either way.

 

thanks again, much appreciated.

 

regards

 

Urban.