REJECTION hurts.. how do I deal with it.. what went wrong

[Massari]

My old HS friend came here to see me.. I hadn't seen her for 2 yrs. we hung out for a while and the suddenly she mentioned if I had a g/f. I told her no I don't. she said she came her with her friend and she said we are great match and I said ok I think this is a great idea.. so we set up a date for the following friday, the 3 of us. we went to a coffee place, i paid for everything. the conversations went ok. I noticed her playing with her hair when talking to me... anyhow after that. she suggested to go to a bar / restaurant .. it was 11:35 or so.. we went there. pretty bad place very loud music kinda hard to hear what the other person was saying. she said let's get out of here so we could talked.. so anyhow we talked a bit in my car and then I gave them ride back home. When I dropped them off I told my friend and her that there is gonna be a party at my place and it would be nice if you guys could come. after that I talked to my friend and asked her what did the girl think of me, she said she thinks I am polite and cute. so this friday was my party and they came.... I shook her hand then gave her a hug (hope that was good move). so any how.. we danced.. then I made her a drink with Absolute Vodka vanilla .. and she said I am a like bar tender and that this tastes good and I should teach her how to make it. this is pretty much what happened .. my friend called me the night after to thank me about the party ..we went out in a group another night to this restaurant bar..my friend calls she is like things are going great for yous she is really into you .so the girl called me the next day ,the day of out date she said come to university to study together so I come.. I brought my sister as well she needed a lift to uni.. so I told her after we're done studying come with us .. I give my sister a ride home and the we go out.. this seemed like a very big deal for her... so I dropped my sister home came back for her just because she felt uncomfortable like that.

so on our date things seemed to be going excellent on the date .. she reached for my had we went to the movies.. had fun and laughed . the next day she calls me she is like thanx for last night I had a great time. I think you are a great guy but I just want us to be friends, I asked her why she said I wasn't mature enough for her.. I am 21 she is 19 so what the hell... this is killing me. I mean I had such a great time on friday being with her hand in hand and how this everything is over > dunno what to do. I can't get my mind off her.. the first time I saw her I knew we had our differences but I thought maybe we could work something out.. she is not that cute.. I mean if I saw her in club I wouldn't approach her so I really dunno why do I want this to work out so bad., I guess that feeling on the date was what really heated up everything .any ideas would help… I have a midterm tomorrow and frankly I just hate to stay home it feels like a prison here,,

 

.. thank you all for reading this long post

[socalguy123]

if she ever calls you back, just tell her she is not that good looking... and that you just want to be friends. mean, i know, hehe.

 

seriously, don't worry about it, this whole rejection thing. she wasn't worth your time anyway, and take what she said (not "mature enough") with a grain of salt--she's 19, what the heck does that matter?? you'll find a lot nicer girls, ones that can appreciate you, and are a lot cuter. just pick yourself up, and brush off the dust.

 

good luck!

[Massari]

thank yo usocal guy... the thing is I never really had a date so this was the first one for me.. I guess that feeling to be loved( which apparently wasn't here ) by the opposite sex was what really pushed me to want this work out between me and her. when she was holding my hand.. that was the best feeling ever

[CptKipling]

Rejection always hurts, the important thing is how you deal with it. Never hold it against the person who rejected you, but don't blame yourself either. This was just one relationship out of possibly millions.

 

It's a bad idea to invest emotions and time in someone who a)hasn't earned it b)doesn't give you anything in return.

[punchy504]

thank yo usocal guy... the thing is I never really had a date so this was the first one for me.. I guess that feeling to be loved( which apparently wasn't here ) by the opposite sex was what really pushed me to want this work out between me and her. when she was holding my hand.. that was the best feeling ever

 

 

 

not to be mean max but this is probably what she was talking about, her dating experience and yours may be workds apart, and while you didn't do anything wrong at all she probably could pick up on you trying hard, and possibly being a little needy/ or likely to be clingy. Not a big deal and these things will change as you date more. Your confidence will grow and you will come accross as much more secure in yourself. Just always keep in mind that a date is just that, a date, a fun evening. Not a guarantee of a relationship or love.

[DropToZero]

I think you are a great guy but I just want us to be friends, I asked her why she said I wasn't mature enough for her..

 

That was just an excuse to let you down easy....you weren't flirting with her enough(it was your first date, I get it, you wanted to be careful)...but in that you can still learn from this. You were probably being nice...probably too nice...were you talking about things like jobs, school, problems?...anything like that isn't very interesting to a girl when you could be flirting and turning up the tension by having her laughing at you and wanting to touch you all the time.

 

She was also the one making all the moves from what I could tell...and if she's somewhat more experienced(which it seems she was), then she's only going to put up w/ making moves for so long before she gives up b/c you didn't do anything(It happened to me in a way, and it sucks...I know).

 

Well if you're tired of being stuck home...go out....you can meet girls anywhere..not just bars at nite or clubs. Either way, it's the easiest way to move on b/c you won't be focused on this one girl you went out with if you're going out trying to meet other girls. I think the most logical statement that fits in here...is you're not going to meet some girls sitting at home....so do something about it.

[Massari]

one point that "DropToZero" mentioned about being boring and not making move .. were are both kinda car crazy so we talked bout that alot.. during the movie I held her hand on her lap.. that was the move that I made.. after awhile she reached for the pop corn so she let go . and didn't really grab it after .. maybe because she was holding the pop corn..

[joe45]

yea i understand i been rejected once-as a new guy to dating it sucks. one thing u gotta keep in mind is never put the gurl on the pedestral, that way you won;t get hurt.

[Spirits Away]

Don't make any moves towards her or even show any sign of interest now.

 

You should continue to be a good friend (even though you want to be more than a friend), it's an advice that i think you'll appreciate 2 years from now if you decide to take it.

 

Seek out more opportunities and don't indulge yourself with this one. That is the best move you can take at the moment.

 

I'm not telling you to give her up, i'm just saying that that's the best choice you can take at the moment.

[DropToZero]

one point that "DropToZero" mentioned about being boring and not making move .. were are both kinda car crazy so we talked bout that alot.. during the movie I held her hand on her lap.. that was the move that I made.. after awhile she reached for the pop corn so she let go . and didn't really grab it after .. maybe because she was holding the pop corn..

 

Haha, that's fine...you found a great interest..and you did make a move(more than I did..so be glad heh). Otherwise, I don't know what happened...I think you should just do what Spirit said tho...hang in there, but just stay a friend for now...but still flirt and try to get her laughing..she may come around in time, but don't wait for her.

[Massari]

well actually .. i talked to her online.. said that... "I want this to work out between us but it can't work it I am the only one trying. I know I said we had our differnces and I thought we could work it out.. we can if we both wanted to" she seemed surprised .. said that let's meet after the class and talk. I am not looking forward to anything but I want to settle this! this may sound crazy after one date!!!

[Spirits Away]

oh no, i understand why you'd fall for her after a date. But girls don't work that way. So they tend not to believe people will fall for them after a date. They find them somewhat "weird'" or "suspicious". I have to say, girls think about guys all day long and put their focus studying them. So they tend to have a bit more of an insight with subjects like "dating" than we do. If they sense that you're coming from a "lack of girls", they'll likely think to themselves "i'm better than that".

 

So have more experience with dating more girls. You'll soon understand what i'm talking about and one day you will think to yourself how unworthy she really is with billions of girls you can choose from.

 

You better not be hoping later, cause she'll give you a completely clear message as to why you shouldn't date her. That's what she feels that you need right now. Seems like a good girl to do that.

[Massari]

well thank you alll so much.. tomorrow we are meetingin the university to talk.. I talked with her on MSN.. she seemed so cold and heartless. so I dunno.. I wish I just never perduited it after she saod she just wanna be friends. but then I know I would feel better after this.. it's so much stress and I dun have my mind on anything else other than what can I do about it. have to let it go.. and face the fact that she doesn't see me as someone that'd make her happy.,

[Spirits Away]

good luck to you.

[Massari]

she just called .. saying that she hast to go home now.. she'll talk online.. see she can't even tell me in person her reasons that apparently they don't make sense in the first place, that's imature.. and then she calls me that! pfffffff

[Spirits Away]

She's just scared of the unknown reaction and what she need to handle & also not in the mood for a good intentioned move. Handle the situation well, and everything will be fine. At the moment, don't wish to be anything more than a friend. Try to set yourself a realistic time frame to get away from her before you can be friends again, and tell her that. Trust me, you'll thank yourself for doing so 2 years later.

[DropToZero]

She's just scared of the unknown reaction and what she need to handle & also not in the mood for a good intentioned move. Handle the situation well' date=' and everything will be fine. At the moment, don't wish to be anything more than a friend. Try to set yourself a realistic time frame to get away from her before you can be friends again, and tell her that. Trust me, you'll thank yourself for doing so 2 years later.[/quote']

 

I agree with this...but Spirit..that last sentence, are you trying to relate this to a personal experience? Just curious....

 

Maximus...I think instead of waiting to hear her reasons....you should just cut it off now...who cares what she thinks about why, she doesnt want what you want(at least not now). I'd tell her that I'm done being led on and told why I can't date you.....and just say that's it....call me in the future if you ever change your mind, but I'm done messing with you.

[Spirits Away]

Lets put it this way:

 

If you see someone whom you've hurt 2 years ago, you'll try to stay away from them.

 

If you see someone whom you've rejected, but they don't seem to be in a lot of pain at that time, you won't mind talking to them again when you know they got over you.

 

handle with care. Pointless losing a friend just because a heart broken person couldn't control themself. Don't try to get any irrational attention from her in any sort of way for at least 12 months.

 

Yes, i've definitely been rejected before. I've realized something really interesting from it: the more you've failed, the more powerful you've become. Keep up with the failure.

[Massari]

Spirit and DropToZero.. you guys givin me big hints here.. thanx.. that is actually onw of my huge issues.. I can't be mean to her.. I sent her an email which wasn't rude at all after the first date.. she took it as though I was rude.. so she kept saying that that email was rude and all. I sord of end up appolygizing her for something that wasn't even rude( see what I mean controlled by her) my emotions block my logic, that's my issue.. right now almost a week passes by, I can't stop thinking about her.. she said she just wante dto be friends for now not good friends just friends.. she said yes she was attracted to me in the beginning but she doesn't see me like that anymore, I dunno whatever it was that I did wrong.. I think women need someone to control their leash ( sounds bad, but right now I rather not live.. things seems so pointless) my frtirends keep sayig she has some seriouse issues.. she is ugly I am way better .. but I just missed what I had with her you know. that week that I knew I might actually have someone and I wouldn't end up alone was GREAT, I was doing so good in my studies and everything. and then suddenly bang she hits me.

[Spirits Away]

k, don't worry about it. Most guys fail the first time... I don't mean just in relationship, i mean on EVERYTHING.

 

You're lucky to have experienced this failure. It makes you think what's going on doesn't it? You've just got rid of your unconscious-incompetant heading towards conscious-incompetant. It's only after experiences like these that guys would know they need to work on themselves. Good luck finding the answer.

 

Don't worry, you're ahead.